You know those super long and controversial posts I’ve written about politics lately? Well, here’s another. Except instead of politics, Gilmore Girls. Because they’re approximately the same level of importance, right?
1. We all endured poolhouse Rory, but no one loved her. And for the revival? We mostly got poolhouse Rory. Give me young bookish Rory or Yale Daily News editor Rory or independent ring-rejecting college grad Rory. But poolhouse Rory? For the love. No.
2. Welp, it seems that the show discovered black people exist other than Michel. Isn’t that quaint? Maybe by the next revival, some of them will get speaking lines and more screentime than the black back-up dancer in the musical that would not end.
3. And about the musical, I think I almost died during it. And if I had, it would have been sweet mercy. Good gracious, it was awful. And it. would. NOT. end. I mean, I get that they wanted the final song moment, but seriously? Couldn’t we have gotten there some other way? Any other way?
4. I do think the musical was supposed to be a bit of mirth in a plot-heavy revival. But, no. It was just bad. And I think that’s the overarching theme here: we all followed the plot of Gilmore Girls, but we loved it for the mirth not the plot. The most plot-heavy parts of the original were the stretches we all hated, like when the elder Gilmores were separated and when Lorelai and Rory were estranged. The best episodes were the ones that were all light and whimsy and such… and the revival just didn’t deliver that.
5. But it did give us Mr. Kim for a moment, and that gave me life.
6. But it only gave me Sookie for a few minutes, and that was just enough to make me mourn her absence through the whole rest of it. Because Sookie and Jackson? They gave so much light and whimsy, and without them, it wasn’t the same.
7. Taylor gave whimsy too in the originals, and he just seemed sad in the revival. And while I get that the joke about his sexuality at the town meeting was supposed to be funny... really? Gay jokes are pretty tasteless.
8. As are body shaming jokes, like the pool speedo bit.
9. As is adultery. C’mon. Rory as the hidden away mistress? I mean, I’m glad she didn’t go for that full-on, because that’s not her, but Logan is better than that too. And Rory’s low point as the homewrecker for Dean and Lindsay? We really didn’t need to revisit that.
10. But Dean, sweet Dean. I loved his appearance and where his story went. He, minus the infidelity bit, is the one who I always loved but? I think he’s too good for Rory.
11. And Jess? I’ve never been the biggest fan of that greaseball because I aspired for so much more for Rory, but I have to admit that she is her truest best self with him. Except I think present-day Jess is too good for present-day Rory, which is an ironic turn of events.
12. I know that Logan is Rory’s Christopher and Jess is Rory’s Luke. And maybe Dean is Rory's Max. I still don’t like it.
13. Overall, though, Rory is 32. I’m 34. I don’t expect everyone to have an established marriage and six kids by 31 like I did, but I had hoped Rory would be more found and less lost by now.
14. And the final four words? Amy S-P was all about them from early on in the show. She had them planned way in advance. But then she left the show before the end, and the words remained unspoken... until now. And I really think they would have worked as a full-circle sort of magic if they had come at the end of the final season with Rory newly out of college. That would have given us some parallelism with 16 year old mom Lorelai and early 20s mom Rory. But acting like Lorelai having a baby as a teenager and making a wonderful life for herself after that is the same as Rory becoming a single mom at 32? No. Puh-lease. Amy should have given up those four words as no longer working well for this iteration. (Also, is it just me or does Lorelai look a bit like Abby Bartlett from The West Wing with her hair and makeup in the scene pictured below?)
15. The Life and Death Brigade is weird. There, I said it.
16. And Rory’s goodbye to those boys was a lot like Dorothy saying goodbye to her comrades, except that Dorothy wasn’t as much of a lost girl as Rory still is.
17. Yes, I’m a little bitter at how lost Rory is. Unapologetically. Just like I couldn’t stand the 30-something gang (though the bit with their parents was cute). I’m not down with delayed adolescence. Grow up, already.
18. Speaking of growing up, though. Emily Gilmore became my everything. I love her so. (Who else do I love? Her maid - played by the same person who plays Gypsy - and her entire Latin family living with Emily.) And her final DAR meeting? Oh my goodness, words do not suffice.
19. I think forgettable Paul was supposed to be funny. I just felt bad for him, though, and I was so proud of him for finally ending it. I don’t think we were supposed to be rooting for him to extricate himself from Rory, but I totally was. (That said, Lorelai certainly set an example of selfishness for her - and poor treatment of nice guys - at many times throughout the originals. So maybe this was more realistic than my hopes for Rory? But still. This is not the Rory I love. And this Rory is actually worse than poolhouse Rory because she’s not a kid anymore but everyone is treating her like she is. Sigh.)
20. Speaking of sigh, the whole surrogacy thing and comment about not wanting to get a baby from another country? Ugh. Made me want to vomit. So unnecessary, at least that comment. And surrogacy is so rife with ethical problems… it just set the stage for me, in the very first installment, to have major gut feelings that were less than charitable about the show. (And, of course, his remark was about getting a non-white baby, to revisit the diversity piece.)
21. I hated the not so subtle digs about therapy and such. Mental health issues have enough stigma. I don’t need Gilmore Girls to add to that. Between that and the adoption stuff and the racial diversity fails, all they needed was a joke about HIV or refugees to make a bingo of all my pet peeves.
22. Yep, I’m all sorts of petty in these observations. I don’t even care. But I did love the ooober bit.
23. Paris. We’ll always have Paris. I love her.
24. Paris and Doyle have to reconcile. They must. It’ll happen.
25. Fall was definitely my favorite. And not just because their fall didn’t include our presidential election, but that helped. Our fall would have been better without it too.
26. Poor Lane. They ruined her honeymoon and now her hairstyle.* Mom hair doesn’t have to be like that. (*Shout out to my girl Esty who said that sentence first and from whom I shamelessly stole it.)
27. Michel. How I love thee, Lorelai's angry friend!
28. And the secret bar. I loved that.
29. But April? She never brings anything good to Stars Hollow. Be gone, girl. (Yep, I'm not even including a picture of her below because NOPE.)
30. Oh my goodness, what if the baby is from the one night stand with the Wookie instead of from Logan? Honestly, I just realized this possibility now. My brain just exploded.
31. But I swooned a little when Rory went to Richard’s desk to write.
32. I should probably say something about the Parenthood cameos. Okay, here goes: Meh. (That’s how I felt about Parenthood too. Hate all you want. See again, an unrelated picture because that's how much I care.)
33. So, how long did it take you to go, “oh, THAT is why she went to see Christopher!” after the final four lines? Confession: It took me longer than it should have.
34. Luke’s fall speech to Lorelai. Lor’s call to her mom from the weird Wild trip. Emily’s rant at the DAR. Those were the plot-rich moments we all love from GG. The rest of the plottiness? Eh.
35. The cheese sign from Richard. My. Heart.
36. Can we talk about how I want an intervention for Rory about alcohol? Child. Stop. (Except you’re not a child, even though everyone treats you that way.)
37. Hep Alien lives. I love that. (But, you know, not enough for its own picture.)
38. Everything Kirk was totally on point.
39. Amy S-P said she never watched Season 7. Which (a) is petty as all get out and (b) is lazy for someone writing a revival following it and (c) explains a lot of the terrible in this one. Seriously, Ames… you clearly had a stellar season 7 planned. And ten years ago, it would have been awesome. Except now? Nope.
40. A lot of people say the final four words mean that there’s more episodes to come. And Netflix’s labeling of this as season one makes me think that might be true, even though those four words were always meant to be an ending instead of a to be continued… but? I’ll take the heat for this, but I have to say it: No more. Please, for the love that all is good, no more. This wasn’t great. No by a long shot. Let's not do it again.
So, what are your thoughts? (You know, other than that I have clearly spent far too much mental energy on this show.)