Good grad school student, not so good wife

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As I headed out of the house to meet with my graduate thesis advisor a week and a half ago, I had everything in order. I was trying to print a couple things before I left, though, because having hard copies of work makes me feel happy. I was taking my laptop with me, and I had emailed my professor the files. Hard copies weren't really needed, but I wanted them. I would have printed them the night before, but we had run out of printer paper.

Lee, who took the afternoon off from work so I could go to my meeting, also served me by picking up paper so I could print. I put the paper in the printer, pressed the button to resume printing, and ran upstairs to get ready for my meeting. Lee served the kids lunch while I rushed around.

I came downstairs, and nothing was in the printer tray. It turns out that we had no more ink. Lee had ordered some a couple days before, but we didn't have it yet.

And I, who was prepared even without the hard copies, blew up. I vented. I fumed. Instead of being thankful for Lee's selflessness in taking care of my paper and ink needs and in caring for the kids and in esteeming my schoolwork above his job that afternoon, I tore him apart. I denigrated* the very man I'm called to respect and build up.

I would like to say that I shaped up before I left, but I didn't. I slammed doors. I acted with less maturity than our kids do when they throw tantrums. And that's what it was. A tantrum.

As I had a drive ahead of me to campus (because I'm a distance ed student who takes online classes rather than a local one), I began thinking. I began praying. And these verses came to mind.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Had I been loving? No.
Was there joy in any aspect of my behavior or attitude? No.
How about peace? No.
Had I been patient? No. 
Kind? No.
Did I show goodness to my husband (or to my kids, who were observers)? No.
Did I demonstrate faithfulness to God or Lee? No.
How about gentleness? No.
Self-control? Absolutely not.

It wasn't long before I was repentant, seeking forgiveness from God and from Lee. My meeting with my thesis advisor went well, but I had already blown it when it really mattered.

I'm so thankful for forgiveness. 

And I'm thankful to be part of a community of believers in which we can learn from each other instead of all having to sin in the same ways. Learn from me. Don't blow it when it matters so that you can excel in secondary things.

(*And, on a less serious note, using the word "denigrate" above made me think about this quote, which is from Bob Newhart and was included in a book I just read. I actually do like country music, but this quote made me laugh: "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'")

Flashback Friday: Random college edition

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This is a hodge-podge post, brought on by all the retro pictures people were posting not too long ago on Facebook. Considering that I update my Facebook pictures about every six months or so, I figured I'd make this Flashback Friday the college edition. Other than having to be from the three years at UNC before I graduated and having to be from an event with Lee, there is no other organization to this.

This is from Valentine's Day in 2002 at our favorite little Vietnamese place in Durham. We haven't been there in ages! I found it initially when one of my best friends from college, Lara, was missing her Vietnamese restaurant in Charlotte. I searched online, and we had no idea whether or not it would be a good one. Granted, it is in one of the sketchier parts of Durham, but it's worth it!
 
 
 
I think Lee took this during the summer that we both lived with my parents. That would have been 2002.

With some of the Lutheridge camp counselor crew - Lee, me, Matt, Becca, Allison, and Hillary - at our campus ministry national gathering in Phoenix (Dec 2001/Jan 2002)

Also in Phoenix: the palm tree explorers Katie and Lee! (Don't ask. Not because you don't want to know, but because I honestly don't remember!)

The UNC group in front of a big horse somewhere in Phoenix (Lee, me, Lara, Christy, Patrice, Lauren, and Corinne)

The UNC group (minus me - maybe I was taking the picture? - and plus Lee) in our hoe-down attire at the hotel in Phoenix

Lee and I being silly after painting part of a church in Miami during spring break 2002

At dinner on the way to the campus ministry fall retreat in October 2002 (with Andy, Lauren, and Erica ... and, um, I think we're at Hooters)

Us with some of our old camp counselor buddies in Phoenix, I think, which (like the shot a couple pictures above) would have been around New Year's 2002 - we're with Hillary, Allison, and Erin.

Lee (second from the left) and me (second from the right) and the UNC group (Robin, Lauren, Andrew, Karen, Corinne, and Erica) ... um, I think we were supposed to be in workshops during this. We just made our own Frisbee one!

Me, Corinne, and Lauren welcoming 2003 - I need to hang out with those girls again soon!

Why, yes, that is a straw. And glasses. I've always been classy. And I'm sure Lee is thinking, "This is exactly why I'm going to propose to this girl 15 months from now."

Lee and I with our dear friend Erica (who I need to reconnect with - this is one of the thing I love about flashback Fridays: it makes me pause to remember, which - in this case - makes me remember how much I love and miss old friends!)

Lee and I with the UNC campus ministry (Corinne, Pastor Mark, Karen, Lauren, Erica, and Patrice) group in New Mexico


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