what parents are saying about the church on the web

I'm surprised to be saying this, as a Twitter newbie, but I love Twitter. I've found so many great resources through Twitter, and I'm always looking for more. (And, on that note, please point me toward any resources you've found valuable, particularly any statistics and research you've found - numbers not just anecdotes - about special needs ministry and/or people with disabilities and faith/religion/church!)

These are a few women who I've found via Twitter, moms who can help us all understand why special needs ministry matters.

First up, Sarah who blogs here but guest-posted here about the church & autism:

I would also suggest to parents that they do everything they can to integrate their child into “normal” youth activities as much as possible.  Obviously, sometimes that just won’t work, depending on the child’s needs.  But when it will — go for it.  Allowing typical children to interact with a person of special needs is an experience that will stick with them far longer than childhood.  And you may be surprised at the benefits to your own child.  Again, ask for help.  Seek the input of other parents and see what can be done to provide a mutually beneficial experience for all the children of the church. {To read the rest of the post, click here.}

Next, Amanda who blogs here but guest-posted here at my one of my favorite autism blogs, The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism (and who will be guest-posting on this blog in the near future - and can I just say how excited I am about that?!?)

There was a time when I took going to church for granted. I grew up in church with a tight-knit group of friends who went on trips together, put on plays, occasionally behaved badly and yet, were ultimately baptized into a family that was more than the sum of its parts. Church was fun -- and yes, uplifting and spiritually rewarding -- but when you're a kid, the fun is what gets you there. I always wanted my children to have the same opportunity. {To read the rest of "Church with the Special Needs Child," click here!}

And, finally, at 5MinutesforSpecialNeeds, this week Heather wrote about the public humiliation she's experienced at church:

Why can’t we take our child to church? My mother is convinced of my eternal damnation because we don’t take the children to church. I keep asking her if she can find me a church that will “allow” Jack to sit there and be loud. Sure, they’ll “allow” it, but no one will speak to us, and eventually, after enough death stares, we’ll quit going again. {Read more here.}

Please pray for your church and other churches, that we wouldn't miss the opportunity to show love to all people, including those with disabilities. And pray for Heather's family to find a welcoming church, because they are still searching for one.

If it's about Jesus, why are some of the best resources outside of the church?

Yesterday I replied to an email from a new friend at The International Baptist Church in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, He is interested in disability ministry, and he wanted some suggestions about where to start exploring this ministry area. My first piece of advice might surprise you.

Yes, as I wrote yesterday, this ministry - any ministry - is about Jesus.

But, in many cases, the church has failed to love people with disabilities as we should. And those outside of the church have done a far better job.

Therefore, my first suggestion to him was this:

My first recommendation would be to research what non-religious groups are doing to help people with disabilities in Santo Domingo and the rest of the Dominican Republic. Unfortunately, the church hasn't typically done a good job caring about people with disabilities, so this is an area in which we can learn a lot from what public schools and other groups are doing well.

I pray that a day might come when my advice can be different. I pray that the ministry at our church and in your church and in other Gospel-centered churches will so clearly demonstrate our love for others and our desire to serve rather than exclude that those outside the church will say, "You want to learn about working with people with disabilities? Then you need to check out what these Christians are doing. We may not believe what they believe, but what they're doing and the way they're doing it is excellent. We can learn from them."

This isn't a ridiculous hope, because it's not our excellence that they would be seeing. It's His.

Which, once again, is why it's crucial to not only talk about the practicalities of special needs ministry, but also the reasons, the Reason. Him. The Gospel.

If we seek our own best, we'll fail. We'll continue to be in a place in which non-Christian resources for serving individuals with special needs are the first place we recommend because the Christian resources are limited (and, in some cases, simply not excellent).

If we seek His best and do it for His glory, though, our ministry can reflect an excellence that can only comes from God. Isn't that what we ultimately want?


(Quick disclaimer: Please, please, please do not misinterpret my words to mean that I think that every resources related to special needs ministry is terrible or lacking in excellence. If you've read any other posts here, you know that isn't true. However, if you examine almost any other ministry area, you'll find more resources than what's out there right now for special needs ministry. There is good stuff, just not as much as there should be; there are churches doing special needs ministry well, just not as many as there should be.)

What's it all about?

Special needs ministry isn't primarily about civil rights or political correctness or pity or awareness or education.

It's about Jesus.

For example, it's Autism Awareness Month. Given that the current estimate is that 1 in 110 children have an autism spectrum disorder (source: CDC, among others) - and about 1 in 70 boys - we all need to be aware of what autism is, what it means for families, and ways that we can minister to and with people with autism. There are fantastic posts on ministry- and disability-related sites about those things this month. And there are some coming here in the near future as well.

However, if every church leader learns about autism and if every person in the pew (or, at my current church, chairs) learns about autism, that wouldn't be sufficient. We can become like Bart Ehrman, religious studies professor who teaches New Testament at my alma mater, who knows lots of facts about the Bible and church history but rejects it all as false and identifies himself as an agnostic. 

Simply learning about disabilities and special needs isn't enough. Knowledge doesn't change us. Loving people, as Jesus did and does, changes us and others. 

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. {1 Corinthians 13:2, ESV}

If I can convince leaders in my church to remove every mountain that serves as a barrier to ministry to and with people with special needs, that won't be enough. Changes could be made out of duty or obligation or even just a desire to get me to stop bugging them.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. {John 13:34-35}

The new commandment Christ gives isn't "create programs." It isn't "remove barriers." It's not even "include one another."

Love one another.

And while effective special needs ministry does bring awareness and education, that's not the hallmark of what we do or the end goal. It's about the gospel. It's about love.

It's about Jesus.

Wordless Wednesday: teaching Anglos how to bust a pinata

We have pinatas at our birthday parties in Dinglefest land. I lived on the Mexican border for the two years before Lee and I got married, and as such, it just wouldn't seem right to celebrate without busting one open.

Granted, you don't find pinatas like this where we live now!

Now that's what I call a pinata! Maybe I need to bring one back the next time we go down there...

Oops, I just remembered that this was supposed to be a wordless post. Just pictures, no words. Hmm.

I never did follow directions well. Did you ever have to take that trick test in school, the one with a gazillion items to answer, but the instructions tell you to read over the whole test before beginning? And if you get to the end, it says "write your name at the top and turn it in without answering the other questions." Yeah, I took the whole test. More than once.

(My best friend also tried to convinced me three times when we were kids that the word "gullible" wasn't in the dictionary, and each time I got the dictionary out to prove her wrong before I realized that the joke was on me. Yes, three times. Hmm, maybe I should have kept this post wordless to avoid admitting that.)

So, without further ado, the pictures of my Anglo kids and their friends destroying the dragon (which seemed to be a fitting choice for a princess & pirate birthday party!).

(And, in the background of this next one, I believe Dan is doing the traditional parenting test known as smell-if-a-change-is-needed.)

The dragon was not yet slain, but we all know that removing the wings is a good first step. Well done, HK!

I didn't get a picture of the bust moment, but here are a few post-pinata shots.

And I think we can all agree that a dragon's head on a pirate's hook is far less disturbing than last year's decapitated Dora.

on showing grace to others (and a confession of a time when I didn't)

While I'm writing this post with a special needs ministry slant, it's a much broader issue of Christian community that isn't rooted in any one ministry area. It's about love and compassion and sincerity. It's about knowing who we are and whose we are and acting on that knowledge.

So what is it?

Showing grace to one another, including ourselves.

Here's an example from a special needs ministry conference I attended: In one session, a woman was sitting in front of me who seemed jovial enough as we started. Then, throughout the session, she made seemingly incessant comments to the presenter.

Now, please understand that my church in South Texas was of the old school, Southern Baptist variety in which a hearty "amen!" was not inappropriate to call out from time to time. (Granted, as a gal with backgrounds in Moravian, Lutheran, and Episcopalian churches, I never called out, but I was not uncomfortable with those who did!) Therefore, the first few affirming comments from the woman didn't bother me, but as the session progressed, I found myself getting more and more annoyed.

It wasn't until the presenter glanced my way as I was fully rolling my eyes that I realized the absurdity of it: here I was, as a special needs ministry coordinator, at a special needs ministry conference, with my panties in a bunch because someone else dared to act in a different way from me.

Could the woman have had a disability, something like ADHD or Asperger's? Possibly. Or maybe not. Maybe she was just tired and found it easier to stay engaged if she did so verbally. Maybe she thought she was encouraging the speaker. (And she might have been, because the presenter never seemed annoyed like I was.) Or maybe she was just incredibly friendly.

And me? I was a jerk.

Sure, I was tired. But I was also selfish and hypocritical and arrogant and condescending.

Instead of treating her behavior with grace and appreciating her input, I became irritated. And I wasn't even concerned about my rotten attitude until I thought that the presenter caught me rolling my eyes.

Thankfully, the woman in front of me didn't realize I was ever annoyed. But I'm glad God showed me how ugly my attitude was, because it did two things for me:

First, it helped me understand why some folks in the church can be resistant to special needs ministry. Worship (or simply learning) alongside someone who is different from us forces us to adapt. And sometimes it's easier to be selfish and hypocritical than compassionate and grace-filled

And, second, it allowed me the opportunity to show grace to myself. I can humbly acknowledge sinful attitudes in my life, confess them to God in repentance, and move on to the next thing He has in store without camping out in the land of shame.

And I can learn from it (and hopefully you can too!) so that next time I can be the one who is thankful for those who aren't like me, instead of irritated by them and their rightful inclusion in the body of Christ.