Last week I posted about a new series in which you'll hear directly from individuals with special needs and their families. Today I kick it off with Becky who blogs about life with Mozart, Picasso, and Princess at paintingwithpicasso.blogspot.com.
If you follow Amy Fenton Lee's blog, The Inclusive Church, you may know Becky as the mom who took Amy's posts about mothers with autism and personalized them. I would highly recommend you check out Becky's blog once you're done with the incredibly useful post below!
And, without any more introduction from me, read on from Becky about her family's experiences after the renovation of their church building...
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Recently, for many different reasons, our church decided to go through a re-evaluation of our ministry goals, to review our purposes for each ministry of the church, and to find ways to better reach our community. Along with this came an opportunity to do some major renovations inside our church building, as we prepare to be the best church for the neighborhood. We took what had been a small lobby area, crammed with offices, and took out & relocated the main office. The space is now a wide-open lobby, with a café, space to sit and mingle and enjoy conversation. Sounds great, right? It absolutely is! Except...
Our son has special needs and has huge problems with change & transitions.
My name is Becky. My husband, Tim, and I are parents to 3 wonderful kids, ages 11, 6 & 4. Our middle child has some definite special needs. We are in the process of getting an appointment with a local children's hospital to see whether or not he will get an official diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, as he meets all of the criteria based on psycho-educational evaluations.
Tim & I have tried to prepare our kids for the coming internal changes, especially since we know that our son has trouble. A few weeks ago, our son was having trouble in church - not sitting well, not able to listen well - very unusual for him. I took him out of church to give him a break and to try and figure out what was bothering him. As I watched him explore and look around the building, it became more evident that what was bothering him were the changes in the building. I thought I had done a pretty good job, but I probably could have done better, especially knowing just how hard change can be for my own child.
How could I have prepared our son better? And how can you prepare your child who may also have issues with change and transition? Here are some ideas that will hopefully help if there are changes planned for your church or for another place you regularly visit.
- As soon as you find out about the changes, take a picture of the “old” before work begins (or, as early in the process as you are able).
- Visit regularly to see progress, and have the “old” photo handy to remember what it did look like.
- Visit at times when it’s not busy - for us, with the church, that meant stopping by on a weeknight while there was work going on.
- With your child, talk with someone in charge about the renovations - the purpose, what the finished project will look like. You’ll find that people are eager to discuss a change about which they’re passionate. They do not need to explain great details, just be available to explain & answer questions your child might have. (If possible, set this up before-hand, so that you can explain your child’s needs & reason for questions, to the person with whom you’ll talk. This will help prepare them for how to best explain things to your child.)
- Be sensitive to the fact that your child may take several weeks to adjust to the “newness” of the finished project. Keep the photo of the “old” with you to explain differences. For us, that meant reminding our son that the café area used to be an office. There wasn’t room for him to sit and talk with his friends after church. Now the café area allows for extra time with friends, a snack, and a lot of people getting to enjoy each other’s company.
Kids who have troubles with change & transitions take some time to get used to the finished project. We expect that since it’s “done” that all is well. Really, that’s just about “halfway through the project” for a child with issues with transition and change.
Most importantly, be patient! Change is tough for a lot of people. For kids with special needs change can be a particularly hard thing, especially when the change is out of their control. Give them time to internalize the change by spending extra time with them in the new environment. Answer questions, make sure they have opportunity to have some positive experiences in the new setting, and be patient. They will adjust - and they will probably adjust well! - but we need to be patient and understand that they will adjust according to their needs.
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Thank you, Becky, for being our first guest blogger for this series. Once again, you can - and should! - read more from her here!
