the poor neglected middle child

I was going to say first born, but then I remembered that I dabbled with Xanga, which makes this my second blog child. I have completely forgotten my first born, though, other than that it was called SillyShenanigans but I never ever wrote about anything silly on it.

Let's see if I can find it...hmm, there is some funny stuff there. Like this:

Interesting quotes from my husband this evening...

"How can I be 'the honorable'?" after Secretary of Education Margaret Spelling was introduced as "The Honorable Margaret Spelling" on Celebrity Jeopardy. (Amusingly enough, our Secretary of Education couldn't beat out a couple of actors. Sad, huh? Not that this was a surprise, though, since this was a re-run that I watched the first time around...)

"Don't we need cookie mix?" in response to my suggestion that we use the caramel-chocolate chips for cookies later instead of adding them to the cake batter tonight. I showed him the back of the bag of chips, where the recipe can always be found, so he could see the exact ingredients required to make cookies. A few moments later came the next quote...

"So you mean this is just flour and sugar and some other stuff?" he asked while holding the bag of cake mix.

"You're right. This bag has a recipe too!" as he held up another bag of chocolate chips.

"So who reads your Xanga?" he asked after I told him I was beginning this post. He was okay with it once I explain it's only Jenelle and sometimes Derek.

Which was true. But more of y'all read this blog. Or at least you did before it became my neglected middle child blog.

I have been posting a ridiculous amount over at The Works of God Displayed. It's where I write about special needs ministry stuff.

And it's official, based on pageviews, visitors, and Twitter followers: my ministry is more popular than I am.

And I'm okay with that. Well, I wasn't totally okay with it, and then a sweet friend reminded me of the verse at the end of my emails: "He must become greater; I must become less." {John 3:30}

So I'm okay with it now.

What I'm not okay with is neglecting this space. Because, as much as I love my ministry stuff, I love my own space that doesn't have to be specific to any one topic. The eclectic area that fell together here sort of like the original Dinglefest did ... you know, the crazy carnival wedding reception that we threw together in Texas after we scrapped the wedding we planned in Florida? It started as a joke by my man, and it evolved to the best wedding reception ever.

My first real post here was about my then one-year-old daughter preferring dead leaves over the company of Mommy and my then twenty-five-year-old self preferring the rubbish of the world over the treasure of Christ. And while the blog has changed much since then, I still want that fresh, real attitude to be here. Along with the other randomness of life I've added in.

All this to say: my newborn blog is two months old today. It has 45 posts, most of which I love. And while I would love for you to check it out, I wanted to share with you that I think we're through the late nights and difficult first days. I'm thankful for the hundreds of folks who care what I have to say there, but I miss the comfort of the tens who like to check in on me here.

I'm back. No promises about how frequently I'll be back, but I'm back. I missed y'all.

Fridays from the Families: Even angels need lip gloss

A couple weeks ago I posted about a new series in which you'll hear directly from individuals with special needs and their families. This week I am so excited to have Amanda joining me from LifeIsASpectrum.com. If you're interested in posting for this series or you know someone who may be, please email me at shannon@theworksofgoddisplayed.com.   

Though I'm now the parent of a special needs child, I have also been a Sunday school teacher – and occasionally, when a sub is needed and my duties in the music ministry allow, I still step in. So I've had the opportunity to see our children's ministry both through the eyes of a parent and through the eyes of a teacher.

The kids in the Sunday school class can range in age from 5 to 10 years old. And they are awesome, in every meaning of the word.

It's true that I occasionally have to leave Sunday school and go repent of a few thoughts I've had over the past hour, but I always leave with a fresh perspective on religion, spirituality, life, and sometimes, variations on a few songs I thought I knew.

On most Sundays that I step in, the class is pretty evenly divided between girls and boys, but one particular day, I had a class of eight girls. All girls.

Girls and boys are different, obviously. The boys will punch one another in the shoulders, make up violent lyrics to hymns, stick the craft pipe cleaners where the sun don't shine, one-up one another and get increasingly loud until I have to shout to hear myself think.

The girls always raise their hands before talking. Their comments aren't always necessarily on point, but they do politely wait their turn.

On the Sunday morning in question:
Hand goes up in the middle of our story about an angel breaking the apostle Peter out of jail.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Look what I have!" and an energetic five-year-old jumps out of her chair and pulls a circular plastic lip gloss out of the pocket of her dress. "IT'S HELLO KITTY!!!" she's practically screams. Several necks crane to look.

"That's awesome," I say in what I hope is an adequately admiring tone. "Now let's put it back in your pocket until church is over, OK?"

Ever polite, satisfied and happy that she has now shared this with everyone, she complies and I go back to the story.

Another hand goes up. It's reaching and reaching and reaching, so eager to share.

"Yes?" I ask this new participator.

"I have lip gloss too!" And she pulls it out of her lavender sparkly purse. An appreciative sigh goes throughout the group about this remarkable coincidence, which prompts a general dumping of purses in the middle of the table as everyone examines the contents of everyone else's purse in the search for yet more lip gloss.

"OK! OK!" I tell them. "Purses away. We're at church. And you all look beautiful. But today we're focusing on how we make ourselves beautiful on the INside." I get kudos for bringing this back around to a life lesson, huh?

Another hand goes up.

"Does your comment have anything to do with Peter and the angel?" I ask her.

She carefully considers this for several seconds. And slowly nods her her gorgeously curly red head.

"OK," I say. "Let's hear it."

"I'm stronger than my dad."

We all mull this over a bit before several enthusiastic voices pipe up with "Me too! Me! Me!" and "I'm stronger than my dad too!"

After the lesson we went into a bigger room outside the class to play a game. It was a kind of "Tag" game with some kids playing angels and some playing guards and some playing prisoners. At first, they all wanted to be angels, until they realized that the guards had the most fun. One of the “prisoners” nearly got to the point of tears, so fearful was she that she wouldn't be "rescued."

My son Billy's class, the class below the girls in age, was in the big room too. Their class is less structured. They mainly play with toys, listen to music and have a snack.

The “tag” game with prisoners and angels totally enthralled Billy. He was so excited watching the girls play that he started jumping up and down and running in and out of the players, tagging people randomly.

Billy is autistic.

He approached one of the girls – she's two years older than him but about the same height – and got very close to her. A bit too close for normal social comfort, probably.

But he had a big smile on his face, and I could tell that he wanted to say hello. So I got down on my knees next to him and led him through the process of saying, “Hi, my name is Billy!” which he handled pretty well with prompting.

The beautiful big-eyed girl smiled back at Billy and told him her name.

Back in our classroom, I talked to the girls about Billy, about autism, and about how much I appreciate their kindness and patience with him as he learns things like how to introduce himself and how to share – still not his strong suit. They listened and took it all in matter-of-factly.

Later, as I was coming out of the nursery where I was picking up Willow, I saw a table of “my” girls playing with various games. Billy had plonked himself right down in the middle of them, reaching for the games and poking at the parts and pieces. And the girls weren't laughing at him or getting impatient or angry.

On the contrary. They were showing him how the games worked, which parts moved, how to make them turn. One little girl gently took Billy's hand and used it to make the spinner spin. His eyes lit up and a big smile spread across his face. He looked directly into her eyes and she smiled back.

I learned everything I need to know about angels that day.

~+~
I believe that including people with special needs fully into our congregations is not only a blessing to those individuals. It is also a blessing each of us, and particularly our children, who are given the opportunity to minister to their peers with special challenges and through these experiences, put Christ's love into action.

Amanda Broadfoot is a Florida-based freelance writer, wife and mother of a brilliant autistic preschool son and precocious toddling southern belle. A member of Good Samaritan United Methodist Church, she blogs about special needs parenting at LifeIsASpectrum.com.

Please pray for Joy Prom 2011!

While our church is not hosting Joy Prom this year, I would appreciate it if you would join me in praying for Joy Prom 2011, which will be a week from tomorrow. Here is an article that are published in the Raleigh News & Observer's Midtown section on April 27, 2011, about the event (and please forgive the writer for a couple spots in which person-first language is not used! I'm reprinting it exactly as it was in the paper).

This prom is a night of joy
2011 Joy Prom coming May 13

[By Nancy Chang, Correspondent]

Prom season is in full swing throughout the area, and one local church is making sure everyone gets the chance to create the memories associated with that special night.

When the red carpet is rolled out at Crossroads Fellowship Church on May 13, it won't be groups of your typical teens making an entrance - it will be a woman with Down's syndrome, or a boy with autism.

Hundreds of special needs teenagers and adults from across the Triangle are expecting to converge on the church for the 2011 Joy Prom, an evening when everyone is treated like the prom king or queen.

A Joy Prom is designed for people ages 16 and older with intellectual and/or physical disabilities.

It's an event that has spread across the nation, with churches and organizations from Nevada to Florida planning proms of their own so that those with special needs can create prom night memories that so many other teens and adults have.

"This event is such a special evening for individuals with disabilities and their family members and caregivers," said Susan Swearington, Abilities Enabled Coordinator at Crossroads Fellowship.

"Most of our guests will not or did not have a chance to attend the prom at their high school, so they really have a great time at the Joy Prom."

Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh has hosted the Joy Prom since 2004. The event started out as an 11th grade project, and the first prom saw 175 guests in attendance.

Last year's prom welcomed more than 500 guests and 700 volunteers.

Providence even created a manual to help guide other churches in hosting their own proms. According to the manual, the church uses Luke 14:12-14 as a guiding scripture, which reads in part: "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed."

"We hold the Joy Prom each year to be obedient to Christ's words in this verse," said Swearington.

"It's a great, fun way to minister to individuals in our community who have special needs, as well as their families and caregivers."

This year's prom theme is "Rock Around the Clock," so guests will come dressed in their formal and '50s best. The event will begin at 6:30 p.m. and conclude at 10:30 p.m.

Guests will begin the evening with a walk down the red carpet, where members of the "paparazzi" will snap photos of all the glitz and glamour. The ladies in attendance will have an opportunity to get their hair and makeup done at Frenchy's Hair and Make-up Salon, while the gentleman can pay a visit to the Route 66 Shoe Shine.

All guests will receive a boutonniere or corsage, and once the pampering is complete they will have a chance to have their prom portraits made. There will also be dinner, desserts, and, of course, dancing.

Crystal Hostetler of Raleigh and her husband Dave will be volunteering as hosts on the night of the event. "There is a place for everyone who wants to volunteer: from being a host to someone with special needs, to helping in the glamour area with shoe shining and makeup, to preparing and serving food, to greeting the parents and caregivers, to decorating and much more," she said.

Swearington says volunteers don't need to know anything about special needs to get involved. High schoolers are welcome to volunteer, and kids as young as 10 can volunteer along with their parents for some of the jobs. There will be opportunities for volunteers to attend training before the big event.

"Many past volunteers have said that (it) was more fun than their own prom in high school," she said. "The volunteers work very hard, but at the end of the night, they have had so much fun that they can't wait to volunteer again next year. It's a great way to be a blessing to a group of people that will bless you much more in return."

Hostetler and other volunteers are also working to collect formal dresses to create a boutique shopping experience for some of the ladies who will attend.

Dresses of all sizes are being accepted and may be dropped off at the Crossroads, located at 2721 Millbrook Road in Raleigh.

Volunteers also will accept donations at a Chick-fil-a fundraiser Thursday.

"There is something for everyone to do, and what a fun, easy way to get involved in giving back to the community," Hostetler said. "Everyone deserves their big day, and this is theirs.

"It will bring so much joy to them - it truly is a joy prom."

The Joy class: how it began and what happens each week

In the words of my friend Katie, who leads the Joy class:

After the first Joy Prom in April 2004, I felt God say, "Great job loving adults with special needs one night of the year, but I love them every day, and Providence needs to as well."

We began taking steps to start a Sunday school class but had no idea what it would look like. We sent out postcards to all the guests who attended the Joy Prom and planned a start date of September 26, 2004. Right away I started hearing from several interested folks who were planning to come to the class, and some even started coming to Providence a few months before Joy class even started. I attended a conference at Ridgecrest and also met with the Special Ministries department at the Baptist State Convention and was able to gather lots of great material there.

We use Lifeway's Access material, which is specifically designed for adults with special learning needs. Each Sunday at 9:30 we have snack and fellowship, then do prayer requests. We each share a prayer request with the class, and then we have a list of about ten missionaries from our church that we pray for each week, most of whom we have met through the Missions Festivals over the years. 

We use our Lifeway materials to study our lesson, and we have been following along with their five-year plan that goes through the whole Bible. Since we all learn best through different methods, we use a variety of activities including art projects, games, drama, videos, visuals, and other things to study the Bible. Each Sunday we close Joy class by saying the Lord's Prayer together. 

Some of the highlights of our year include the Missions Festival, Joy Prom, Happiness Retreat in July at Camp Caraway, baptism at the lake, the collection of art supplies for our friends in Serbia every Christmas, and the Christmas musical.

Our class members range in age from 16 to 65, though no one seems to mind the age differences!  Some of us live with family members, some in group homes, and some of us live independently or with roommates. We have different abilities, different interests, different backgrounds, and different hopes and dreams, but the things we have in common are even greater - we know God loves us, we love Jesus, and we love others.  

what do our Sunday mornings look like? (for me and my husband)

Yesterday, I posted about what Sunday mornings look like for special needs ministry at our church. If you missed that post, find it here!

I promised that I would share today about what all that means for me and my husband each week as we coordinate special needs ministry. Let me start by saying that while I usually join our family discipleship staff for their Monday morning team meetings, I am not on staff. Neither is my husband. I'm a stay-at-home wife and momma; he's a structural engineer. We're just passionate about serving in this way, and it has been a tremendous blessing.

For starters, another volunteer named Katie coordinates everything related to the Joy class, along with her team of volunteers. While I check in on them from time to time, I don't know or need to know what's going on there every Sunday morning. In other words, my Sunday morning focus is high school and younger. I will post this afternoon with a description of what the adult class is like each week.

Before we began serving in this role, we preferred to go to the 8:00 am worship service. Well, it turns out that we don't have any children or youth with special needs involved during the 8:00 am worship service, so that has continued to work well. Here's the play-by-play of our mornings:

• 7:55 am (in an ideal world; in the real one, we're usually running late): Arrive, sign in and drop off our two-year-old son at his class
• 8:00 am: Arrive in worship, usually in the very front row because that's the preference of our four-year-old daughter, who has always joined us for the music portion of the service and who began staying for the entire service when she turned four
• 9:10ish am: If the service is not over yet, we usually start gathering our items to leave around this time to be present in children's ministry through the transition between the two services. Lee usually takes our daughter to her class and heads to the car to get our travel coffee mugs (coffee = good. our church's coffee = not so good. so we bring our own from home)
• 9:15-9:40 am: The first transition! A lot happens in a short time period. We
• Check in with our 9:30 am volunteers and families, and keep my cell phone in hand because that's where established families and volunteers text me if anything changes at the last minute. 
• Greet new families. If a buddy is needed for a new child, Lee or I serve as the buddy for the first couple weeks to get to know the child and family.
• Help with other children's and student ministry needs, like assisting families as they check in kids in our computerized system.
• 9:40-10:40 am: What we do at this time varies, including...
• We check on our kids and volunteers, sometimes by peeking in the class and sometimes by joining them for a while.
• If a teacher is concerned about how to meet the needs of a child with no identified disability or special need, we go in to the class to observe.
• If there's a new child or student, one of us goes to class with him/her.
• As we near promotions in September (when children move up to the next class), I observe in the classes which will receive any of our kids to evaluate how we can help that transition go smoothly.
• If we have a new volunteer, I usually train them during this time.
• Prep materials for the next week if necessary.
• Connect with other volunteers and staff, and help with non-special needs stuff as needed.
• Talk with parents.
• Visit adult Sunday school classes to talk about what we do and how they can get involved.
• Stop by the Joy class.
• Drink coffee.
• Try not to get spotted by our son who is at that separation anxiety age right now and expects to be picked up from class if he sees either of us.
• 10:40-11:15: The next transition time!
• All the same things as we listed in the previous transition.
• If I get caught up in a conversation or anything else holds me up, Lee picks up the kids from their classes, and we meet up at the car after all is said and done. Then we talk with the kids about what they learned while we drive home.

 I've listed a lot, but Lee and I never do all of these things every Sunday. (Well, other than dropping off and picking up the kids. We would have some serious problems if we didn't make that a regular habit, don't you think?)

If you coordinate special needs ministry at your church, what else would you add to the list of what you do each Sunday?