"But what if I think that most kids with __________ are making it up?"

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I'm not sure if these conversations are happening across the country, but most conversations about ADHD around here include one of the following statements:
Everybody has that nowadays.

Isn't that just a checklist thing? I mean, it's not a real diagnosis, right?

That's just an excuse for bad behaviors.

That's so overdiagnosed. When I was growing up, we didn't label kids like that, and we did just fine.
Before I dive into a couple of interesting research notes about individuals with ADHD in a post tomorrow, let me address the statements above, not as a special needs ministry coordinator but as a trained special educator. (And please keep in mind that these are CERTAINLY not limited to ADHD. In my city and at my church, I've noticed that people only make such comments with boldness about ADHD. When they make comments like this about about other special needs, they usually used more hushed tones...or they just think the comment instead of saying it.)

Is ADHD prevalent nowadays? Yes. It possible that some ADHD diagnoses aren't legit? Yes. Is it a real disorder? Yes. Can you or I conclusively pass judgment on whether or not a specific individual has a legit diagnosis? Nope.

Now let me put my special needs ministry coordinator hat back on:
Based on all that, would it be wise or profitable for you or I to try to pass judgment on whether or not an individual has a legit diagnosis? No. If you want to debate the issue from a diagnostic or theoretical perspective, particularly if you work in a field related to special education, go for it. Just don't bring that into your ministry.

Whenever you are tempted to pass judgment on the legitimacy of someone's diagnosis, stop. Remember that God is all-knowing and you are not. He knows the ins and outs of each person's life; you only know the tiny sliver of interaction that you have each week or month with that individual.

I don't see Christ analyzing whether or not the woman who was hemorrhaging had sought adequate care first or bled enough to warrant healing. No, instead He noticed her desperate touch on His robe and called her daughter. I don't hear Jesus suggesting that we place bouncers at the door of a Luke 14 banquet to ensure that folks are crippled enough, lame enough, or blind enough. No, He says, "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." I don't read about Christ ignoring the pain of His friends when Lazarus died, even though He knows that the death won't stick because healing will be provided. No, He cares enough and feels enough to weep.

The comments I shared at the beginning remind me of comments I often hear about people who are homeless or poor. Well, we shouldn't help them because they could be making a lot of money panhandling. They could be abusing my kindness. They might even {gasp!} buy alcohol with my money. And so those attitudes provide an excuse not to help others, not to care about them. Could those statements be true? Sure. But can you know with certainly whether or not they are? No.

Why are we so afraid of helping someone who might not be "worthy" (according to our own assumptions, that is)? Could it be that we have somehow deluded ourselves into thinking that we have made ourselves worthy in some way instead of acknowledging that not one of us is deserving of grace? God is the only one who knows without a doubt if a person was rightly diagnosed with a disorder or if a person really needs food. And He is the only one who can take a wretched sinner like me and make her worthy of anything but hell.

What if we became less concerned about trying to be God - which is what we're doing when we try to decide who is and isn't worthy - and became more concerned about loving and serving others?

An opportunity or an inconvenience?

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This was originally published in the Inquest Ministries, Inc. newsletter and on their blog. It was written for an audience primarily of youth ministry leaders, many of whom are not currently involved in special needs ministry.

Do you have teens with special needs in your ministry?

Odds are yes, given that 6.6 million children and youth have disabilities, according to the most recent data available from the U.S. Department of Education. Of those, 2.6 million have learning disabilities. More than 800,000 have autism or intellectual disabilities (previously referred to as “mental retardation”).[1] Seven percent of children ages 3-17 have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (including 11% of boys and 4% of girls).[2] And one in 110 eight-year-olds has an autism spectrum disorder (1 in 70 for boys, 1 in 315 for girls).[3]

Those certainly don’t include all the possible special needs a student could have, but it’s a start. This is the reality in which we do ministry. (And, if your ministry doesn’t include any students with special needs, then please let these statistics open your eyes to the mission field that exists within your community!)

So what can you do? Is this an opportunity or an inconvenience?

Well, let’s consider the benefits you and your ministry can gain from welcoming students with special needs. You’ll get to…

1) Partner with parents more effectively. In student ministry, we ought to be partnering with every parent, but it shifts from “ought to be partnering” to “must partner” with the parents of students with special needs. If a student has a disability, it is harder for parents to drop off the child and then bolt. They’ll probably want to talk to you. And that’s a very good thing!

2) Practice confidentiality. Most students don’t want to be different from everyone else, or if they do, they want to define the difference. A streak of color in their hair? Good different. A seat in special education? Not the sort of different they usually want shared with their friends.

3) Learn humility. I have my master’s degree in special education, but that doesn’t give me the advantage in special needs ministry that you might expect. I learn from each of our students with special needs and their families, because they can teach me far more about their disabilities and challenges than any textbook or website ever could. Realizing you don’t know it all and having to learn from others? That’s an opportunity to develop humility.

4) Adjust your teaching to benefit all students. Common modifications for students with special needs include limiting distractions, adding multi-sensory elements (visuals, audio, movement, touch), and breaking content into chunks and reviewing after each one. Every time I’ve made accommodations for students with disabilities, they have also helped non-disabled students. Seriously, what middle school boy wouldn’t benefit from fewer distractions?

5) Include all parts of the body of Christ. Ministering to and with students with disabilities shows that, in the words of 1 Corinthians 12:24-25, “God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” It’s our sin that bestows honor on some while rejecting others; it’s God who can bring unity where we – both in the church and outside of it – have created division.

And the number one benefit? Welcoming individuals with disabilities into our student ministries and every other aspect of the church is about the Gospel. When we share the Gospel with all students, including those with disabilities, it changes us and it changes them. It can change a generation.

Is it always easy to include students with special needs in your ministry? No. Is it an unequivocal display of the works of God (John 9:3; Psalm 78:7) and the value of all life? Yes.

It’s an opportunity, not an inconvenience.

No partiality {James 2:1-13}

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James 2:1-13 {ESV}

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.

For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called?

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Fridays from the Families: Ministering to those with autism

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A few weeks ago we launched a new series in which you'll hear directly from individuals with special needs and their families. This week I am so excited to have Jenny join us. She blogs about finding grace in autism at www.manyhatsmommy.com.

You can find out more about the series, including links to previous posts, here. If you're interested in posting for this series or you know someone who may be, please email me at shannon@theworksofgoddisplayed.com.    

One Sunday morning you notice a new family slip into a pew at the back just before the service begins. As the congregation starts to sing a song, their daughter starts covering her ears and screaming, “NO! NO! NO!” The mother tries to quiet her, but that makes her volume increase. The girl starts hitting her mom, sobbing and screaming at the same time. She tries to get under the pew. Finally the dad pulls his daughter from her hiding place and carries her out. Whew. What a scene!

A friend tells you she just had the most exhausting time helping with toddler Sunday school. A visiting child needed both teachers all by himself! When it wasn’t play time, he went over to the buckets of beautifully organized toys and emptied them, one toy at a time, one bucket at a time. He ignored the teacher’s voice when she asked him to stop. The teenage helper followed behind him putting the toys away. The child didn’t talk to or look at anyone! During snack time, instead of sitting in his chair at the table like all the other two year olds, he got under the table. Then he went over to the bookshelf and started climbing. How can these parents call themselves parents with such behavior?

Autism is a different kind of special need. There are no wheelchairs, no crutches, no extra apparatus to tell you a child has autism. In fact, most children with autism look like any other “normal” child. This impacts autistic children in public places, including church. People can’t see their need, and hold them to standards they can’t reach, or can’t reach without assistance.

Sadly, I have heard many stories of churches asking families not to return because of their child’s behavior due to autism. There are many families who simply stay home. Hopefully I can change that today for at least a few families. I pray my information will aid you as you seek to make your church a place that welcomes all people.

Whether or not you are an official leader in your church, there are things you can do to help families who deal with autism on a daily basis. On the simplest level, you can be kind. Autism is extremely stressful on families. Daily, even hourly, they ride an emotional rollercoaster as their child succeeds, achieving uphill progress, and then hit a fast dip as something sets off a colossal meltdown or regression. Kindness goes a long way. Be alert to ways and moments you can reach out with kind words or gestures.

Another simple thing you can do is withhold judgment. Most parents of children with autism work very hard on their child’s behalf. If a child comes to church in clothes that are not up to the unspoken dress code, don’t judge. That child may not like buttons, collars, or certain fabrics. Does a child have a hard time sitting in a chair for more than two minutes? Do not assume the parents are careless about manners. There is a good chance they’d give almost anything for that son to sit down like the other children. There are innumerable influences on a spectrum child’s behavior--from a teacher’s perfume to the flickering light (or its sound that no one else hears) to the bright yellow sign on the bulletin board, and beyond. Give kindness and patience instead of judgment.

Special needs families need a lot of prayer support, and autism is no different. Parents need prayer for wisdom in how to best help their child. They need direction from God in leading their child spiritually. Long-term stress wears on all members of a family, causing physical, emotional, and spiritual fatigue. Marriages are often strained due to the stress of autism and also that both parents often react differently to the diagnosis, treatments, therapies, etc. These are just a few ways you can pray for your church members dealing with autism.

If you work in a Sunday school class, children’s church hour, or youth group, there are other ways you can help. Should a child with autism come to your class, learn. Learn about autism if you need to, and learn about the child. Autism is a spectrum disorder. Each child has different symptoms, different triggers, different sensitivities, etc. If you are unfamiliar with autism, you can check out books from your local library or go to www.tacanow.org and www.autismspeaks.org, among others, for some great information. Of course, you could ask the parents if they have any favorite resources they recommend.

You also need to learn about the specific child in your care. Some are sensitive to sound and/or light. Others don’t like to be touched. At one point my son couldn’t even handle if someone walked by his chair and accidentally bumped it. What calms a child when they become anxious? Do the parents use any catch phrases? Perhaps the child likes a certain texture or repetitive behavior to calm down. If you need to, write down what a parent tells you. Sometimes parents will give you lots of information (and that’s helpful!) about their child.

Another thing you can do is find a buddy for the autistic child. Maybe another child in the class can help the child learn the routine of the class or children’s church time. Another option is to get someone in the youth group to become a big brother or sister for this child. Often children on the autism spectrum relate better to people older than them. The big brother scenario accomplishes two things. First, the child gets some assistance in navigating your church. Second, the buddy gets to learn how to reach out and help someone else.

The autistic child is not the only person attending or visiting your church. Most likely his family does, too. They also need help. Don’t be afraid to ask parents if they need help. They may be paying for therapies most insurances don’t cover or for special dietary needs. Perhaps they need gas money or grocery money. They might need someone to watch their children so they can go out for an hour together. Maybe someone could sit in the foyer with the spectrum child so the parents can sit in the auditorium. Siblings might need some time away with peers. Get creative. Most families would be pleasantly surprised at any offer of help. If you need ideas, I did a series “Been There, Do That!” on my blog addressing simple ways to help special needs families.

Finally, a word about the autism population. Children grow up. They become teenagers and adults. You may read a lot about autistic children, but there are also adolescents and adults on the spectrum. They need help, love, and acceptance at church, too. You can adapt these suggestions and reach out to older autists, too.

Because autism is a spectrum, I could go on and on. I hope I have given you some information that will help you minister to the autism community. I invite you to stop by my blog to see autism from the a-day-in-the-life perspective, and to learn from the many great guests I featured during Autism Awareness Month in April. More importantly, I invite you to make a difference in the lives of a special needs family.

Jenny Herman is a Christian, wife, mother, dietitian, nurse, chef, event planner, financial manager, musician, reader, writer, business woman, advocate, home educator, and more. She blogs about finding grace in autism at www.manyhatsmommy.com.

You MUST partner with parents & families.

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(Like my post on Monday, this post was originally featured on the Treasuring Christ curriculum blog, and you'll need to click through to read the whole thing.)

Do you want to partner more effectively with the parents in your ministry?

If so, a good learning place is special needs ministry. Because every child’s disability is unique, it’s vital to talk with each family to figure out the best ways to include their child in your church. While it’s possible – though not optimal – for other parents to drop off their kids without talking to you or someone on your team, that’s usually not possible for a parent of a child with special needs. It’s a great opportunity to become a student of your families, learning from them instead of exalting yourself as the ministry expert.

Why am I passionate about ministry to people with special needs? And why should you be? (continue reading here)


To read the rest, go here to the Treasuring Christ blog.

And, while you're there, check out the rest of the site too! You'll see a familiar face - mine! - among the contributors, but Steve Wright and Kim Davidson are the ones who really poured their time, effort, and love for Christ into this. And, while Steve and Kim are absolute rockstars in my book, God is the One who deserves the credit for this amazing resource.