The right words at the right (though unexpected) time

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I'll be posting a review tomorrow of Stephen Altrogge's fantastic book, The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Your Side of the Fence. I was planning for this post to be part of that review until I realized that what I have to share here isn't really about the book. It's about me.

You see, RA isn't obvious, and neither is my pain. Most of the time I'm not irked at that facet of my life being overlooked. I don't think I'm entitled to anyone's compassion, and I certainly don't seek pity. I realize RA isn't an illness that is noticeable. I know it doesn't affect as many people as cancer or AIDS. I get that it isn't a hot cause for research or funding.

And I'm okay with that.

What I'm not okay with is a dismissal of it as if it isn't that big of a deal. People have made comments like, "At least it's not cancer or anything." Yes, I am thankful it's not cancer, but really?!? During the month or two that I was in remission, it wasn't that big of a deal. But it can be painfully consuming when I'm not in remission land. And even when I'm in remission, the daily pills and bimonthly IVs give me a regular reminder that my body is not whole.

While I'm sad that my remission was short-lived, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for it because, as I wrote about here, three years of daily pain had worn on me. I've mentioned this before, but the latter part of 2010 was a struggle with depression. My body? I can handle that wasting away. It isn't meant to be eternal anyway. My hope, though? It is eternal. And as I focused on my circumstances instead of that hope, its glow in my life was dimmed. I loved Jesus, but I grieved my life. And I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until God rekindled the joy of life in Him here and now with sweet remission.

The remission didn't stay, but the hope did. I'm not living defeated like I was. Remission is a possibility. That helps me consider, in the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4, this to be “light momentary affliction…preparing for me an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” And though I wrote about the bad day when the remission ended here, it hasn't been all bad days since. And even when the days have been physically difficult, God has sustained my spirit in ways that I can't adequately describe, other than just telling you to read Ephesians 3:20-21.

And the days have been difficult. My IVs are spaced every eight weeks right now, but the meds wore off around week 6.5. We'll probably be changing my schedule to every seven weeks now because we're already at the top dose for my weight. (Which - by the way - had my doctor quipping one day: "Well, we can keep it at every eight weeks if you'll agree to eat more cake" to put on the extra eight pounds I would need to qualify for the next dose level. I haven't taken him up on that, but how many of you can say that your doc told you to eat cake?)

Thursday morning I get my next IV, and it will mark a week and a half of pain with each step and each turn of my head, given that my hips, knees, feet, and neck are affected this time around. (It will thankfully mark the end of that painful period, though, because the medicine takes effect quickly. I'll feel a little flu-like on Thursday night, but I'll be feeling wonderful by Friday or Saturday.)

I say all this to set the stage for reading the second to last chapter in Altrogge's book. I was soaking in a hot bath, because that's what I do in the evening when my meds fail me.I helps make the pain subside for a little bit. I wasn't glum, and I wasn't having a pity party. I was just enjoying the water and a good book. I didn't even know that the chapter that would make me sob was coming.

And then I got to (with the italics below added by me, not the author):
Chapter 11: The Furnace of Suffering

This chapter doesn't begin with a joke or clever illustration or mildly amusing personal story. In fact, I'm not sure where to begin, because this chapter is about finding contentment in the midst of suffering.

I've suffered very little in my life. No chronic illnesses, no tragic deaths, no world-shattering events. Yet.

But I've watched many people suffer in awful ways. There are men and women in my church wh have endured, and are enduring, fiery, world-twisting trials. Chronic arthritis that puts hot nails between every joint. Extreme, unrelenting, chest-squeezing financial pressure. The slow, fierce creep of Alzheimer's disease. The persistent joy-sucking gloom of clinical depression. Terminal brain cancer.

These friends are my heroes, because in the midst of suffocating suffering they still honor God. They don't curse God. They don't hate God. Yes, they weep. Yes, they have questions. Yes, they have days when it hurts to get out of bed. But they praise the Lord anyway. They bless the God who gives and takes away. They set a breathtaking example for me to follow.

This chapter is for my heroes. For those of you who are following Christ through high waters and hot flames. For those of you who are living martyrs, testifying to the power of Christ as the fire licks your feet.

I don't want to give you pat, trite answers. I don't want to tell you just to trust God and everything will be okay. I simply want to connect you to the God who is bigger than your sufferings and who fully understands what I don't. I want to connect you to the only person who can carry you through and give your contentment in the midst of suffering. I want to connect you to Jesus.

I couldn't even type those words without crying. I have never written a thank you note to an author before, but I will be writing one to Stephen Altrogge. Those words and the rest of the chapter had me sobbing (in a good way). I'm used to being encouraged by chapters like this one, but something about his specific reference to my specific sort of suffering triggered a flow of tears that I didn't know was dammed up.

Yes, Stephen, I weep and I have questions and I have days when I hurt as soon as I begin moving. And, yes, praise is a choice that I have to make daily. I wouldn't agree, though, that my life is heroic. The rest of the chapter pointed me toward the hero of the story - Christ - and that's who I hope my suffering in life points to as well.

I'm not great; Jesus is. And I'm thankful He led Altrogge to write this book. I'll be reviewing it in full tomorrow. Until then, I'll leave you with these sweet words:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; 
when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, 
and the flame shall not consume you. 
For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." 
Isaiah 43:2-3a

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, 
to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; 
perplexed, but not driven to despair; 
persecuted, but not forsaken; 
struck down, but not destroyed;
So we do not lose heart. 
Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory 
beyond all comparison, 
as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. 
For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 
1 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-19

Interesting ADHD-related tidbits for church leaders

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I'm not sure why, but ADHD-related news has been catching my eye lately. Here are just a few of those tidbits:
  • Kids with ADHD may find it easier to focus on screens (i.e. video games, movies, and other media) than other stimuli. [1]
  • Some ADHD drugs, such as Adderall, have been in short supply this spring. They are harder to find in some areas, leading patients to shop around at multiple pharmacies or miss doses. [2]
  • Being diagnosed with ADHD as a child could be correlated to abusing drugs such as alcohol and marijuana as an adult. [3] There is a possibility that sexual addictions could be higher as well [citation, article]. [and, for good measure, one more source]
  • While the present diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorders doesn't allow a child to be formally diagnosed with ADHD as well, approximately half of children with ASDs exhibit characteristics of ADHD. [4]
So what are the implications of this for you as a ministry leader? Here are a few that came to mind for me:
  • You might want to involve screens in your ministry occasionally, through movie clips, YouTube, or powerpoint. (And, of course, make sure any media you use is age-appropriate and pre-approved by anyone who needs to give an okay. I know our church has policies related to that.)
  • Those with ADHD in your church may be dealing with extra stress of finding medications. They may need your support: emotional (such as listening), practical (such as babysitting while they hunt for meds or making phone calls to help them find a place carrying the pills they need), or financial (to cover the cost difference between generics and brand name versions in places where the generics are unavailable). Also, some individuals who are usually treated with these drugs might be unmedicated or undermedicated. 
  • We have a timely opportunity now to share the Gospel with these kids, which may make them less likely to turn to addictive behaviors as they grow up.
  • As we aim to welcome all families and individuals, it is wise to realize that many special needs co-exist with others. My friend at Key Ministry, Dr. Stephen Grcevich, posted about this last week.
What other implications come to mind for ministry settings?
 
(If you want more information about ADHD, this page from the National Institute of Mental Health is a good place to start.)

Cuddling with a half-eaten Pop Tart

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We have been sick nearly non-stop since October or November. And while I think we're finally entering healthy land, Robs is struggling today. I *think* it's just allergies, but I'm not positive. Especially after he passed out on the floor this morning.


Yes, that is a Pop Tart. I know they're not the healthiest things, but it was a special treat. Plus Pop Tarts are his love language. If your kid's love language was quality time, I wouldn't tell you to cut him off from that. So there's that.


Please pray that the kids would be healthy as the grandparents arrive on Thursday so we can go to our church's marriage retreat. We had to go a day later than planned last year due to a little guy with a high fever, and while I don't think we'll postpone it this year (since Momma Bear is more comfortable with leaving a two-year-old with a runny nose than I was a one-year-old with a fever), it would help me relax to know that he's feeling fine and having a blast without us!

And now it's time to get off the computer and transfer a little sleeping man to his bed. 

(Why, yes, I did just take pictures, upload them, and write this post with him asleep on the floor.)

"But what if I think that most kids with __________ are making it up?"

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I'm not sure if these conversations are happening across the country, but most conversations about ADHD around here include one of the following statements:
Everybody has that nowadays.

Isn't that just a checklist thing? I mean, it's not a real diagnosis, right?

That's just an excuse for bad behaviors.

That's so overdiagnosed. When I was growing up, we didn't label kids like that, and we did just fine.
Before I dive into a couple of interesting research notes about individuals with ADHD in a post tomorrow, let me address the statements above, not as a special needs ministry coordinator but as a trained special educator. (And please keep in mind that these are CERTAINLY not limited to ADHD. In my city and at my church, I've noticed that people only make such comments with boldness about ADHD. When they make comments like this about about other special needs, they usually used more hushed tones...or they just think the comment instead of saying it.)

Is ADHD prevalent nowadays? Yes. It possible that some ADHD diagnoses aren't legit? Yes. Is it a real disorder? Yes. Can you or I conclusively pass judgment on whether or not a specific individual has a legit diagnosis? Nope.

Now let me put my special needs ministry coordinator hat back on:
Based on all that, would it be wise or profitable for you or I to try to pass judgment on whether or not an individual has a legit diagnosis? No. If you want to debate the issue from a diagnostic or theoretical perspective, particularly if you work in a field related to special education, go for it. Just don't bring that into your ministry.

Whenever you are tempted to pass judgment on the legitimacy of someone's diagnosis, stop. Remember that God is all-knowing and you are not. He knows the ins and outs of each person's life; you only know the tiny sliver of interaction that you have each week or month with that individual.

I don't see Christ analyzing whether or not the woman who was hemorrhaging had sought adequate care first or bled enough to warrant healing. No, instead He noticed her desperate touch on His robe and called her daughter. I don't hear Jesus suggesting that we place bouncers at the door of a Luke 14 banquet to ensure that folks are crippled enough, lame enough, or blind enough. No, He says, "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." I don't read about Christ ignoring the pain of His friends when Lazarus died, even though He knows that the death won't stick because healing will be provided. No, He cares enough and feels enough to weep.

The comments I shared at the beginning remind me of comments I often hear about people who are homeless or poor. Well, we shouldn't help them because they could be making a lot of money panhandling. They could be abusing my kindness. They might even {gasp!} buy alcohol with my money. And so those attitudes provide an excuse not to help others, not to care about them. Could those statements be true? Sure. But can you know with certainly whether or not they are? No.

Why are we so afraid of helping someone who might not be "worthy" (according to our own assumptions, that is)? Could it be that we have somehow deluded ourselves into thinking that we have made ourselves worthy in some way instead of acknowledging that not one of us is deserving of grace? God is the only one who knows without a doubt if a person was rightly diagnosed with a disorder or if a person really needs food. And He is the only one who can take a wretched sinner like me and make her worthy of anything but hell.

What if we became less concerned about trying to be God - which is what we're doing when we try to decide who is and isn't worthy - and became more concerned about loving and serving others?

An opportunity or an inconvenience?

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This was originally published in the Inquest Ministries, Inc. newsletter and on their blog. It was written for an audience primarily of youth ministry leaders, many of whom are not currently involved in special needs ministry.

Do you have teens with special needs in your ministry?

Odds are yes, given that 6.6 million children and youth have disabilities, according to the most recent data available from the U.S. Department of Education. Of those, 2.6 million have learning disabilities. More than 800,000 have autism or intellectual disabilities (previously referred to as “mental retardation”).[1] Seven percent of children ages 3-17 have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (including 11% of boys and 4% of girls).[2] And one in 110 eight-year-olds has an autism spectrum disorder (1 in 70 for boys, 1 in 315 for girls).[3]

Those certainly don’t include all the possible special needs a student could have, but it’s a start. This is the reality in which we do ministry. (And, if your ministry doesn’t include any students with special needs, then please let these statistics open your eyes to the mission field that exists within your community!)

So what can you do? Is this an opportunity or an inconvenience?

Well, let’s consider the benefits you and your ministry can gain from welcoming students with special needs. You’ll get to…

1) Partner with parents more effectively. In student ministry, we ought to be partnering with every parent, but it shifts from “ought to be partnering” to “must partner” with the parents of students with special needs. If a student has a disability, it is harder for parents to drop off the child and then bolt. They’ll probably want to talk to you. And that’s a very good thing!

2) Practice confidentiality. Most students don’t want to be different from everyone else, or if they do, they want to define the difference. A streak of color in their hair? Good different. A seat in special education? Not the sort of different they usually want shared with their friends.

3) Learn humility. I have my master’s degree in special education, but that doesn’t give me the advantage in special needs ministry that you might expect. I learn from each of our students with special needs and their families, because they can teach me far more about their disabilities and challenges than any textbook or website ever could. Realizing you don’t know it all and having to learn from others? That’s an opportunity to develop humility.

4) Adjust your teaching to benefit all students. Common modifications for students with special needs include limiting distractions, adding multi-sensory elements (visuals, audio, movement, touch), and breaking content into chunks and reviewing after each one. Every time I’ve made accommodations for students with disabilities, they have also helped non-disabled students. Seriously, what middle school boy wouldn’t benefit from fewer distractions?

5) Include all parts of the body of Christ. Ministering to and with students with disabilities shows that, in the words of 1 Corinthians 12:24-25, “God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” It’s our sin that bestows honor on some while rejecting others; it’s God who can bring unity where we – both in the church and outside of it – have created division.

And the number one benefit? Welcoming individuals with disabilities into our student ministries and every other aspect of the church is about the Gospel. When we share the Gospel with all students, including those with disabilities, it changes us and it changes them. It can change a generation.

Is it always easy to include students with special needs in your ministry? No. Is it an unequivocal display of the works of God (John 9:3; Psalm 78:7) and the value of all life? Yes.

It’s an opportunity, not an inconvenience.