We love because he first loved us. {1 John 4:7-21}

1 John 4:7-21{ESV}

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

1 John 4:7-21{ESV}

the post in which I convince you I'm crazy

I have mentioned adoption here before. I even included our intent to adopt in our family Christmas letter this year. I’ve just never provided a whole lot of details.

Because I usually don’t want people to think I’m crazy.

And usually adoption makes people think you’re a little crazy. We’ve gotten some of those looks. Even before revealing that we’re not planning to adopt a baby and we’re not planning to stop at one. You know the ones, the looks that people give you during your first pregnancy. The she has no idea what she’s getting herself into looks.

And I didn’t when I became a mom. No conversation or book or website or other resource could have adequately prepared me. It’s a lot of learning as you go with the guidance of others who have gone before you. And a lot of prayer. A whole lot of prayer.

So do we know what we’re getting ourselves into? No. Are we a little crazy? Yes. (But let's all be honest and admit that that’s going to be true whether or not we adopt.) Do we know what we’re getting ourselves into? Probably not. Scratch that. Definitely not.

Throughout the Bible, God calls His people to do seemingly crazy things in his name and for his glory. The whole send the Son of God to earth to live a perfect life and die to defeat sin and rise from the dead to defeat death plan is a little crazy. I mean, imagine if you had never heard the Gospel before and someone told you that. It's not exactly in the realm of logic.

I’m not putting us on the same level of Christ. Certainly not! We’re confident, though, that he’s leading us in this particular sort of crazy, though. And we wouldn’t want to turn our backs on him to embrace the ordinary.

We knew as a couple, even before Lee proposed, that we wanted to adopt. It’s a longer and more personal story than I have space for here, but feel free to ask me about it offline. We began reconsidering that after Jocelyn was born, leaning instead toward having more biological kids instead of adopting as many as we had planned. However, through a series of circumstances, God has brought our hearts back to where He led them in the first place.

After a lot of prayer and research and prayer and conversations and prayer, we're willing to share where we stand in our plans right now. No guarantees that it won’t change, though, because God does his thing (the best thing!) in his time. However, I don’t think it’s unwise to share our plans, just as others aren’t shy about saying “ideally we want two kids” (or one kid or five kids or no kids). We trust that God is sovereign, and we'll be content whether or not his plans are the same as ours.

But since you asked (well, no, I suppose you didn't. but it's my blog, so I can pretend you did):

• We are very likely done with pregnancies. My body could do it, but I lost bone in my joints during my last pregnancy, ended up with MRSA (which recurred seven times and once led to c. diff), and – in many ways – could say that I spent four years recovering from my first pregnancy. So, unless Lee manages to bear a child for us, I don't think we'll be adding to our count of biological kiddos. I’ll confess that while we think this is the best choice for us, our hearts are a little broken. I might tear up sometimes when I hold a baby, because a part of me wishes I could hold another of mine. But my heart is full, nonetheless.
• We expect to adopt our third child internationally through Reece’s Rainbow, an international Down syndrome orphan ministry. Yes, this means that our third child will have some degree of disability. (If you're thinking this makes us crazy, please refer back to the title of this post.) When we were pregnant with Jocelyn, Lee expressed concerns that she might have special needs because, in his words, “God knows you, Shannon. He knows that you would be a great mom of a child with a disability I just don’t know if I would make a great dad.” He’s not sure in hindsight if he meant “a great dad of a kid with special needs” or just “a great dad” in general. I can vouch for the latter that he is. And now, the same guy who was worried about having a child with special needs is equally or more passionate about adopting one as I am. It’s not a pity thing or a duty thing; as cheeseball as it sounds, it’s a God thing. In the US, a kid with special needs and without a family goes to foster care; it’s not a perfect system, but it’s not always a bad one either. In many other countries, an orphan with special needs – particularly obvious, definitive ones like Down syndrome – is sent to a warehouse called an institution and given little more than basic care. Often the extent of the disability is irrelevant. The idea of welcoming them into families is unheard of. (As a related update, Kirill – the Russian boy I told you about a couple months ago – is now part of the Davis family. I think they should be returning to Alabama next week.) We will begin that process in a year and a half to two years, once our third floor has been converted from all attic space to two bedrooms and a bathroom.
• Our fourth and fifth children will likely be a sibling pair from the foster care system. The oldest will probably be in elementary school. We are planning for them to be the youngest children in our family, so that adoption is further down the road considering that our current children are two and four. From the beginning of our conversations about adoption, our hearts were drawn toward older kids. I think it’s wonderful to adopt a child of any age, though, and I wouldn't turn away an infant if the stork dropped one on our doorstep. (What? That's not how it works? hmm.) That's just not the age group we're planning to pursue.

We have some other crazy plans, like our intent to stay in our home until we die (assuming God doesn’t move us out of Raleigh); based on our current payment schedule, that would make us mortgage free in a little more than a decade, but that’s not our only reason. It is cool to think about how we could invest that extra money in God's work, though!

I think I’ll leave the rest of the crazy for another time, though. If you can get past our insanity, would you pray for us?

Thanks.

Words. They matter.

Last month, my church hosted a large women's conference. We put it on every other year, and it is truly a blessing. I really loved our musicians this time and enjoyed worshiping with other women from different churches and neighborhoods and backgrounds. Such a sweet glimpse of what heaven - plus men and children, of course - has in store for us!

It was especially sweet to have this time, while my sweet husband was home with our two preschoolers, because I was in pain that weekend. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and my IV meds had worn off with three weeks before the next dose (which I have now gotten - thanks be to God! - so I'm feeling good!). Some movements gave me the sensation of needles in my joints, which isn't so pleasant.

So my heart sank a little when the vocalist said these words: "Lift your hands if you really love Jesus."

But I couldn't.

And it hurt in more than a physical way for a moment. "...if you really love Jesus" was the question posed, so just about every hand in the room went up. And mine couldn't.

And I felt conspicuous.

Was it wrong for her to say what she did? Not even a little bit. But I couldn't show my love for Jesus in the way she asked. My heart was praising still, but it was a little wounded at the same time.

How often each week in our churches are we doing nothing technically wrong but still wounding people? It's not about doing the right thing, y'all. (And, for the record, I clearly consider the use of "y'all" to be the right thing, only second to "all y'all" in a large group setting. And iced tea must be sweet, or you might need to repent. Just sayin'.)

It's about being so wholly resting in Christ - even in the midst of activity - that we reflect Him to the wounded (including into our own wounded places). And it's about knowing that we sometimes ask people to show their love for Jesus in ways that they can't. How can we let each person show their love for Jesus in the ways that he is able, in the ways that God designed for her to do so?

The next song at that conference was Blessed Be Your Name, which is a favorite of mine. And her next statement was, "If you love Jesus, give me a hearty amen!" 

And I was glad to do so.

If we value life, we don't get to choose which lives we value

I promised last Friday that I would post about abortion this week, and – to be honest – I’ve been putting it off. Tammy did an eloquent job of conveying reasons why a mother carrying a baby with Down syndrome should consider life instead of abortion. And I’m praying that I will be able to approach the topic with the grace and compassion she did.

Before I get into the specific of how this impacts the special needs community, let’s talk about the issue itself as it relates to any person. Nicholas Kristof, columnist for the NY Times, put out his 2011 religion quiz this week. The first question? “The Bible’s stance on abortion is:” And the answer, according to Kristof? “Never mentioned.”

My first inclination is to say that he must read the same Bible as some false prophets who have been in the news lately. I do understand his technical point, though: you won’t find the word “abortion” in the Bible. However, it is rich with the value of life, from the first two chapters of Genesis when God creates life as we know it. In Psalm 139, we read that God formed us in a beautiful way and recorded our days before we were conceived. In Exodus 21:22-25, God lays out strict punishment – stricter even than what most states legislate now – for the assault of a pregnant woman that results in injury or death to her unborn child. In Leviticus and throughout the books of the prophets, the practice of sacrificing infants and children to false gods is decried. Jeremiah was consecrated by God as a prophet before he was born (Jeremiah 1:5). Job declares that God fashions us in the womb (Job 10:9-12; 31:15). In Psalm 125:3-5, Matthew 18:5-6, and Mark 9:36-37, the blessing and importance of children is made clear.

When I taught biology, I also learned that – upon the moment of biological conception, when egg and sperm join – the zygote formed has unique qualities separate from the two sex cells that joined to create it. Without interference or trauma, it will continue to develop in the womb and be born about 38 weeks later. A zygote has unique DNA, is able to reproduce through cell division, is highly organized, responds to its environment, uses energy, and is able to adapt to a certain extent.

Based on all that, I am unashamedly and unapologetically pro-life.

(However, I also am saddened by the treatment of those considering abortion or those who have had one or more abortions by those who claim faith. Often, that faith perspective only offers judgment and proclamation of sin with little to no grace or mercy. If you are reading this and expecting that sort of response, please know that you won’t find it here. Is ending a life good? No. Was Christ’s death and resurrection insufficient to forgive sins, though? No. I am too covered in my own sin and too grateful for His forgiveness of mine to look down on you. And I am too focused on Christ to want to do anything other than point you to Him.)

Because I am pro-life and because I love people with special needs, I have sobbed over the study I’m about to share with you. An article (cited below) published in 1999 analyzed rates of pregnancy termination following prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome and four other conditions from studies conducted in the US, UK, New Zealand, France, Singapore, Belgium, Italy, Denmark, Holland, Finland, Australia, and Germany, with most data pulled from the US and UK. The findings? On average, 92% of babies with Down syndrome were aborted when the diagnosis was made early enough in pregnancy for that to be an option. The range was 71% from a small study in France published in 1990 to 100% in four separate studies in the UK (2 studies), France, and New Zealand in 1990, 1982, 1995, and 1992 respectively. The largest study was done in the UK in 1998 and included 4,824 diagnoses of Down syndrome; out of those, 4,438 – or 92% - ended in abortion.

The data for the other four conditions showed lower rates of abortion (and also included fewer data points), but the numbers are hardly encouraging. For spina bifida, the abortion rate was 64%; for anencephaly, 84%; for Turner syndrome, 72%; and for Klinefelter syndrome, 58%.

I've been drafting a statement of vision and purpose for our church's special needs ministry. One of the aims listed in it is “esteeming the value of each person, preborn or born, as a vital part of the body, as defined in 1 Corinthians 12. With regard to people with disabilities, this includes welcoming them with respect and love, sharing the good news of Christ with them, serving alongside them as they use their giftedness, and otherwise including them as a contributor in God’s church. It also includes supporting them and their families after prenatal or postnatal diagnosis.”

The preborn part matters. It matters because how you act toward people with disabilities at your church now could influence the choices made by would-be parents in your pews. It would be naïve to think that all 92% of those babies with Down syndrome who were aborted – all 4,636 of those lives terminated – were pregnancies to non-Christians. It would be highly statistically improbable for each of them to have been pregnancies to women who were pro-choice. No, given that only 8% continued their pregnancies, some who didn’t must have been Christians. Some who didn’t must have been church attendees or members. Some who didn’t must have been pro-life until that circumstance presented a difficult choice.

Could it be that, for some of those individuals, the choice was made more difficult because they saw no children like theirs represented in their faith communities? Could it make a difference if those of us who are called ambassadors of Christ in 2 Corinthians 5:20 acted like it? Could it help families choose life for their child if they knew that the church loved their family, including their unborn child, and was willing to put that love into action?

I’m just speculating here, so I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I would love to find out.

Wouldn’t you?


(1) Mansfield, C., Hopfer, S., & Marteau, T. (1999). Termination rates after prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome, spina bifida, anencephaly, and Turner and Klinefelter syndromes: A systematic literature review. Prenatal Diagnosis. 19; 808-812.

Also, if you'd like to read another post I wrote about abortion statistics - these related to NYC instead of special needs  - see this post on my personal blog.

hardboiled Easter eggs are so blah

I never knew what I was missing until I decided to stay home (in Rio Grande City) for Easter instead of visiting Lee or my family during my first year as out of college. I was blessed with wonderful friends, Lori and Xavi, who invited me to join their family for the festivities.

I helped them hide the eggs, not noticing that they were lighter than eggs I had hidden in the past.

I made sure the kids had bags with which to collect their eggs.

I watched them and helped them as the egg collecting fun began.

And I was completely befuddled when Lori and Xavi and Xavi's siblings started telling me to collect some eggs. I couldn't understand why. The egg hunt is for kids. But, because they were being so hospitable, I humored them, convinced that they were crazy.

And then, as I placed an egg in my bag, I saw confetti out of the corner of my eye. What was *that*? I wondered.

Soon I would find out. These were not just any eggs. They were cascarones, hollowed out eggshells that were dyed, decorated, and filled with confetti, with tissue paper glued over the hole. As you collect eggs, you also smash them on each other's heads. Confetti and colored eggshell fill yards and neighborhoods and streets and your hair for at least a week.

This year we decided to postpone our trek to south Texas until the fall, which meant we would not find stand after stand of cascarones on the side of the road. In preparation for this, I began cracking eggs at the very top and saving the cleaned shells to make my own.

And we were able to share this wonderful tradition with two families who we love dearly.

We're already getting ready for next year. Who wants to join us?