Learning from Laodicea: No condescending attitudes

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When I consider the church in Laodicea, the first word that comes to mind usually is “lukewarm.” However, the next verse after Christ calls that church out as neither hot than cold is also worth knowing:
For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. {Revelation 3:17}
Special needs ministry isn’t done with condescension. It isn’t meant to exalt the helpers and pity the helped. It’s not even meant to separate folks into those two groups, because it should be ministry with others not ministry to others.

When I see the prideful attitude of “oh, look at what a good thing I’m doing” in someone involved in this ministry or any other ministry – and when I see that pride in myself – I need the reminder that I’m not serving “the least of these;” I am the least of these. I’m not rich, prosperous, and complete; I am wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.

I am thankful for the opportunity to serve alongside some sweet friends with disabilities. And I am thankful that God allows me to do so.

Messy advocacy vs. partnerships

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Since I began this blog just over three months ago, I've come across a couple news reports about churches turning away families who have children with special needs. This is a tough topic to address, but it's worth discussing. Before I dive in, though, I want to make a few things clear:
  • I have no first-hand knowledge of any of these instances. I don't even know any of the church leaders or families involved in any of these stories. That is why I am choosing not to link to any news articles.
  • All news has some bias. No two reporters would write the same article in the same way. Bias isn't always a bad thing, but it's wise to remember that the writer's experiences and opinions and culture influence his or her writing. The concept of bias in media is usually frowned upon; meanwhile, I think it's naive to expect any writer to be bias-free.
  • In almost every instance like the ones I'll be discussing, the church usually issues statements while the families sit down for interviews. This set-up lends itself easily to sympathy toward the family, because they are seen as people, and blame toward the church, because it is seen as the big, bad institution. 
  • Sometimes the church has failed. Sometimes the families have perceived insults where none exist. Sometimes it's been a mix of each. And sometimes the whole situation is unclear. Unless we have first-hand knowledge, we can't know what exactly occurred.
 If this post seems more raw than many of my others, that's because I'm still working through the best way to respond. I've held my tongue (or, as a blogger, should I say "held my fingers?") until now, but I feel like it would be timid to avoid the subject altogether, given that I blog about the church's responsibility to welcome individuals with special needs.

As I'm wrestling with this, here are a few takeaways. I'd love to know what else you've taken away from news reports of this nature, so please leave a comment!
  • Churches need to be mindful that families with special needs have often been judged, hurt, looked down on, ignored, mocked, and pitied. Because of that, consider how much compassion you would show any other family in a similar situation, and then dial it up five notches.
  • Good parenting involves advocating for your kids. When a child has special needs, this is even more true. Parents of kids with special needs often have to advocate for health care and social opportunities and education and acceptance and a whole slew of other needs. Advocacy often become a way of life out of necessity. 
  • Effective ministry leaders partner with parents so that their children may hear the gospel and treasure Christ. The best outcomes I've seen involve friendly churches partnering with parents who advocate well for their children with special needs.
  • Advocacy can backfire if it becomes adversarial. In solid church + home partnerships, it's not advocacy against something. It's mutual advocacy for the child and the family and the church. If either side becomes adversarial, the outcome will be messy.
  • God is for the church, and God is for the family. He created both as institutions for his glory and our good. He is an advocate for both. That's why the best scenarios are ones in which the church advocates for the family and the family advocates for the church, with both motivated by the God who created each. That's a true partnership, rather than messy advocacy from either party.
We live in a fallen world. You can find sin in churches and families and media outlets. And thank God that we can find solace from sin in Christ. In Christ, we have hope that we will have a perfect, sinless reality in heaven, one that far exceeds the world in which we live now. But the prayer "thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven" teaches us that we shouldn't just shrug and accept the fallen world as if we can do nothing but hope for the other side of eternity. As we pray "thy kingdom come," what would that look like for the church and the family when a family whose child has special needs arrives at any given church this Sunday?

As I said earlier, I'm still wrestling with what we should learn from all this, and I would love to know your thoughts. Do you agree with what I've put out here? Disagree or think I'm missing something? What have your thoughts been when you've heard news stories about churches turning away people with special needs?

See the person. See the image of God. See the handiwork. See the righteousness.

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When God looks at me, he sees righteousness. I am a sinner but the biblical doctrine of imputed righteousness “teaches that the saving work of Christ includes not only his bearing the penalty for our sins, but also becoming a perfect righteousness for us that is imputed to us through our union with him” (Piper, Counted Righteous in Christ). This is based in large part on Romans 4 if you want to dig a little deeper; see also Genesis 15:6, Philippians 3:8-9, and Romans 5. The verse that speaks this most clearly to me, though, is 2 Corinthians 5:21:
“For our sake [God] made [Christ] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
That’s what I mean when I say that when God looks at us He sees righteousness if we have received it by faith. Is it our own righteousness? Heavens, no! It is Christ’s.

Furthermore, the Bible is clear that we were made in God’s image (beginning in Genesis 1), knitted together by him (Psalm 139) with predetermined purposes (see these verses) before birth.

When we look at one another, we should not, therefore, be so wrapped up in what makes us different that we fail to see each other as Christ did and as God does. If someone has received salvation in Christ through faith, then he has been credited as righteous in Christ. Even those who reject Christ or don't know him yet are still intimately created by him and in his image.

See the person, not just the diagnosis. See the image of God, not just the disability. See the handiwork knitted by God’s own hands, not just the special needs.

We’re able to ignore people if we reduce them to a disability; we can’t do that if we see God in them.

It's my birthday, and I'm celebrating with Respite Night!

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Tonight I'm having the coolest birthday party ever. It'll be with a bunch of kids with special needs at a neighboring church's respite night! (I don't think they know it's my birthday, but that's okay. I know it will be a celebration regardless!)

I.
Cannot.
WAIT!

Every exemplary model of special needs ministry that I've found includes respite care events. Some are monthly, some quarterly, and they vary in style and activities. In layman's terms, a respite event is like a parent's night out. Trained volunteers, including medical professionals for liability reasons, create a safe and fun event for kids with special needs and their siblings, and parents get a break.

The commonality is that each of these churches realizes that parents who have children with special needs need support. And not just hugs and smiles, but real practical support. The man bleeding and beaten on the side of the road to Jericho didn't need to be told, "I love you, man." Well, he needed that too, but those words would be obviously false without action to back them up. Parents need more than lip service. They need action: action that shows our love for them and not just their child. action that gives them a chance to rest. action that allows married parents to esteem their marriage and single parents and other caregivers to recharge as individuals.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith 
but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 
If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food,
and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” 
without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? 
So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. 
{James 2:14-17}

After celebrating with respite tonight, we'll continue the celebration tomorrow with a laidback cookout at our house with our Access families and volunteers. Because we don't just want to offer support, we want to do life together.

How good and pleasant it is
   when God’s people live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1 (NIV)

Since it's my birthday today, might I be so bold to ask for a present? It's not really for me.

I'd love it if you would think of a practical way you could do life with a family with special needs. Maybe invite them over for a meal. Include them in your playdate plans. Give them a call to check in, especially if you haven't seen them in a while. If you see a parent whose child is having a meltdown in a public place, say something to encourage them instead of passing judgment on her parenting ability. If you know a parent who has a disability, send a note or bring by a practical, tangible help like a meal. (As a momma who sometimes has significant health challenges, let me suggest that "how can I help?" and "is there anything I can do?" are nice but hard to respond to. Some folks just say that to make themselves feel better and then seem put out if I ask for something, and sometimes I'm too overwhelmed to think of a specific need you could fill. Instead, it's easier to accept help if specific offers are made: "Could I bring you a meal? I would really love to." or "We don't have anything planned tomorrow. Want to drop the kids off for a few hours so you can run some errands?")  Include a momma in your girls' night out plans, even if she might have to say no because of the demands of her family. Make plans with a dad, even if circumstances might make it hard for him to commit. If a family has to reschedule, be patient. Don't leave them to do life on their own. Enter into their lives, and allow them to enter into yours. 

That's what it's like to be a true body of believers, with acknowledged value in each part.