the same God who empowers them all in everyone {1 Corinthians12:4-7}

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

{1 Corinthians 12:4-7}

Fridays from the Families: Humans are human even at church

Donna Ross-Jones is a single mom to a teenage daughter and a younger son with autism, and she is a dynamic writer and advocate for those with special needs. Her post that I'm sharing today first appeared here on July 31, and Donna graciously agreed to let me reprint it.

I expected to feel safe (or at least safe for us) at a church. I expected people to be at their best and I assumed their best would look how I thought it should look. It didn't. At 9 he was too big for little kids church and we were not so welcome anymore. At 11 he started to be too big for kids church. People became less tolerant of his behaviors and they wanted him to move on to tween church, where they thought it would be a better fit. I don’t’ think they were considering what was best for Nick. They complained if he was late, they complained that he didn't seem to be involved in the lesson and enjoying “share” time and he didn't embrace “quite or meditation” time up to their expectation. I was told “Nick just doesn’t seem to fit here.” Gee, really? A kid with ASD isn’t sharing up to par or embracing prayer and meditation and your interpretation is "he doesn't fit." Ouch! I don’t want my kiddo where he is not wanted.

I tried tween church. I’d been introduced to the man who facilitated the program and he has a child with ASD. Maybe it is a better place, maybe the problem is protective mom holding on too long. I put Nicky in. He was quiet, he just sat and observed, he didn’t participate. He didn’t tantrum or disrupt the group with noise or run for the door. He just watched, I thought it was a good day.

As I walked to the car I was stopped by the program leader. He frankly said “I don’t think this is the program for Nicky. I don't think he fits in.” I was blown away. In short I asked why, and how could he say that after just one day? His answers were vague. I’m thinking been there, done that, but why here?

Seems humans are humans even at church, and rejection feels like rejection no matter where it happens.

Special needs ministry Q&A: Accommodations, distractions in worship services, choir, and youth trips

For the past two days I've been answering a list of questions posed to me in the comments section of one of my first policy-related posts. Today I'll finish with that list, but I would LOVE to answer any lingering questions you have, so feel free to pose some in the comments section or send me an email at shannon@theworksofgoddisplayed.com! To see the other Q&As from this week, go here and here.

Is it unfair to expect accommodation for an adult when there are no other adults requesting it?

No. If it's a needed accommodation - in other words, if the adult can't be included in your church without it - then it's unfair not to discuss it.

I say discuss instead of expect because if a church leader or a caregiver has a specific accommodation in mind that they expect, then the conversation begins with the accommodation rather than the need. It's prudent to begin those conversations with the need; in other words, why is an accommodation needed? Then - together - the church and the family can partner to figure out the best accommodation. God established the family, and God established the church; he is in favor of both, and we ought to operate in unity not opposition.

The model we see from Christ - for example, when he turns to the woman who has been bleeding as soon as she touches his robe - isn't to treat every person in the same exact way. Fair doesn't mean the same. And, more important, treating all people in exactly the same way regardless of their needs isn't following the model Christ provided for us.

what if the person vocalizes loudly during a church service or is distracting by their movements or other appearances? should they be required to go to the 'baby room', 'tv room'?

This is a hard one to answer without knowing what "vocalizing loudly" and "distracting by their movements or other appearances" means. In some instances, the distraction is problematic, and in some instances, the problem is that people get hot and bothered over minor distractions and just need to get over their own mentality of comfort. Is the vocalizing during music as the person's own special way of making a joyful noise unto the Lord? Or is the person shouting during the sermon so that the pastor cannot be heard?

I don't like the word required here. Any decision about removing someone from a typical setting - even when an alternate one is being provided, like a baby room or cry room or other room in which the service is being broadcast to screens or TVs - should be a discussion between the church leaders and the family, not an edict from the powers that be in the church. I do think it's a wise idea to offer an alternate setting, not for the sake of providing the church with a place to hide those families but for the sake of offering options to the families, some of whom feel uncomfortable staying in church with even the most minor vocalizations.

Another key point to consider here is how friendly your church is to kids. Some churches establish so many programs for kids during the service that is becomes clear that the church leaders expect kids to be in those programs instead of in the sanctuary/worship center with their parents. In our family, we bring our four-year-old daughter to "big church" with us, and then she goes to Sunday school after the service we attend (and during our second service) while we coordinate Access Ministry. I've found that churches where children are included in worship services are more likely to be churches where people with special needs are embraced too, because perceived distractions can come with both groups. (I say perceived distractions because - like beauty - distractions are often in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes the distraction is a problem, and sometimes the perception of the beholder is the real problem.)

should people who have difficulty articulating, carry a tune, and/or are non-verbal be allowed to join the choir?

I say yes, but this is a conversation you should have with whoever leads the choir at your church. Special needs ministry advocates should never be antagonists; we don't push our ministry perspective at the expense of others. Inclusion doesn't just mean including people with special needs at your church; it means including all ministries in your church in those inclusion efforts.

Here's an idea from our church: We have a team of vocalists that is audition-only to lead some of our services; if we have a solo, then it's usually someone from that team. We also have a choir, which is open to anyone. Someone who has difficulty articulating, carrying a tune, or expressing himself verbally could participate in the choir.

should youth w/special needs be allowed to participate in youth trips? what about liability & extra assistance/supervision?

Just as I recommend above that a decision should be made about the choir with the choir director and not unilaterally from the special needs ministry coordinator, here a decision should be made with the youth pastor/director and the parents. What is the purpose of the trip? How could the youth with special needs be included safely? What barriers exist to full participation? How can those be overcome? Do the parents even want their child to participate? I can't offer a yes or no here, but I can tell you that it's a conversation worth having and that anytime a "no" is given for something like this, we ought to offer a "yes" in another area (i.e. "on the high school ski trip all the kids are out on the slopes for most of the time, so your child who is unable to ski would probably feel excluded and might not have the supervision necessary, but here is a place we would love to include him...").

At our church, we have youth with special needs at our week-long summer camp (which is an overnight camp in a neighboring state), and we have kids with special needs on our middle school tubing trip and our high school ski trip. We have youth with special needs on mission trips. Disability isn't an excluding criteria, though some adaptations and extra supports are sometimes necessary.

Yes, liability usually increases when you include people with special needs, but as I wrote yesterday, liability issues arise whenever anyone shows up at your church. Extra assistance/supervision may be necessary to limit liability and increase safety. And much communication will be necessary to make sure all parties - leaders, the youth in question, the parents, other kids, and so on - are partners in inclusion.

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This wraps up my Q&A for the week, and tomorrow I'll have a guest post from a parent. Please feel free to leave a comment anytime with other questions, and I'll do my best to answer them! And, as usual, if you have a different answer than what I've given above, chime in with that too so we can all benefit from your perspective.

I hope you're having a great Thursday!

Special needs ministry Q&A: Liability, AWANA, number needed for a class, age groupings

This week I'm taking a break from policy - which I'll come back to for at least a post a week in the next month or two - to answer some questions posed in a comment by Tammy a couple weeks ago. Yesterday I kicked off these answers with a reminder that every church and every person is different (and not by accident, but rather by God's good design!) and no single answer will work for every situation. And then I took a stab at questions related to age-appropriate classes, high-sensory youth programs, and the inclusion of adults with special needs.

As I tackle this set of questions, I once again invite YOU to chime in with more questions or different answers. We all have something to contribute to this discussion!

Should a child or youth be allowed to push someone in a wheelchair? aren't there liability issues?

First, let's clarify one thing: if you work with people, there are liability issues. We can't avoid liability unless we sit in a room by ourselves and never communicate with anyone. Are there liability issues with allowing a child or youth to push someone in a wheelchair? Yes. Are there liability issues with allowing a child or youth to set foot on your church property? Yes.

As I'll discuss more tomorrow in one of my responses, the question is how much liability your church is comfortable with. Some churches don't ever administer medication; some do so on Sunday mornings; and still others only do so on out-of-town trips. Each church made a decision about the level of medical liability they were comfortable with, and each set policies accordingly. Those policies range from "we don't administer medication, but parents/caregivers are welcome to return to do so" to "we do in the following circumstances, given by the following people, with the following procedures..." Note that each "yes" usually requires more policy-writing than a "no" does - I don't say that to encourage you to say no, but to advise you to say yes wisely.

Most churches - even the previous church I served with in a rural area with fewer average attendees than my Sunday school class at my current large church - have a lawyer. If you are concerned about issues of liability with regard to any aspect of your ministry, you may want to involve that person in the conversation, at minimum to review your written policies.

Now back to the question at hand... Do I think it's unwise for a child or teen to push a wheelchair? If they are physically able to do so safely (i.e. not a small child) and mature enough not to treat it like a game, then I don't see a problem with that.
 

Should a non-verbal child be included in AWANAs where the main goal to reciting memorized Bible verses?

First, remember that goals don't have to be the same for all kids. We have had kids with special needs participate in AWANA and only learn one verse in the entire year.

As I did with one of the questions yesterday, I'm going to answer this with more questions: Can the child memorize and communicate verses in a non-traditional way (with a picture system like PECS, with a computerized device, with sign language or other physical communication)? Reciting a verse doesn't just mean you speak it. Are you willing to adapt expectations so that, like the situation I mentioned above, you can celebrate a child with special needs learning one verse in a year while his classmates learn ~30? (Please say yes! We did. It was precious.) If memorization isn't happening, how can you include the child in other ways? While one of the primary goals of AWANA is memorization, I know it involves other components too. My husband is a celebrity at church among three- to five-year-old kiddos because he tells the story and leads the puppet show for that group at AWANA, and a child who doesn't memorize verses can still be included in story time. My daughter brings home crafts and coloring pages, and a child who can't memorize verses could be include with those. While kids are reciting their verses at the end of class, only a few kids are reciting at a time while the rest are doing something else; even if he isn't involved in the memory time, he can participate in the "something else" if it's planned to include him too.

Another option might be a separate activity for kids with special needs during AWANA. I'll be observing this fall at a local church who has a class at AWANA specifically for kids with special needs. One of our families participates in that ministry, and they love it.

How many people w/disabilities are needed before a class should be set up for them? is it ok to have 1 class for all ages?

We just had a family leave our church, but we were planning to launch a separate class during the 11am service just for their son. I know that sounds a little odd, but consider this: (1) We weren't able to include him during that service for sensory stimulation reasons, and (2) That made us realize that he probably wasn't the only child who would have trouble with the 11am children's ministry setting. Just as I mentioned in my answer yesterday about starting an adult class, odds are good that for each person with special needs in your church there are a handful at home who don't think being included at church is even an option. You can create a class for the one child and then increase your outreach ... you know, the whole "if you build it, they will come" principle. (I'm sure you can guess the movie quote this time. Yesterday's was from The Land Before Time. I have a two-year-old son, which means I watch those far more than any grown-up shows!)

Check out my concerns yesterday about age group consideration for the second question. If you're asking if its okay for a birth through elderly class, then no, I don't think that's wise and I don't think many of the parents of kids in that class would feel comfortable with the adults being there too. How you split up ages beyond that will depend upon your volunteer team and the needs at your church, but make sure you approach the decision with prayer and wisdom rather than knee-jerk reactions.

At what age is a person too old to attend a younger class of typical kids?

Our policy is to include a person with their same-aged peers whenever possible. In the couple of instances when we have a person in a younger class, the decision of "too old" is less about age and more about physical development (for example, is the child too large for this class, compared to the size of his/her classmates? when a child is bigger than the younger classmate, safety issues can arise).

It's also wise to ask, "What benefit does the person get from being in a younger class? Is there any way we can adapt for that same benefit to be experienced in an older class?" Notice that the emphasis here is on our need to adapt and not any effort to force the person to adapt to us.

how do we determine if the person should be included in a regular class or needs a special class & what if there isn't a special class for an individual's age group?

I have to pull out that classic answer here: It depends. What is a "regular class" like at your church? How committed to inclusion is the rest of your leadership (staff and/or volunteer)? What else could you try to include the person in the typical setting?

Could you create a separate class? Why or why not? Where would you have a separate class for that age group? What can you do in a separate class than you can't do in the typical class? In public school, any time a child is removed from a typical class to receive services in a special education setting, special ed law requires the team to provide a justification for that removal. The principle in practice is called "least restrictive environment," and it's a good one for churches to consider too. If someone is removed or excluded from a typical setting, you need a good reason for it.


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I'll have the last set of questions from Tammy tomorrow, so please come back then!

Until then, what else can you add? Any more questions or different answers? Any other thoughts?

Special needs ministry Q&A: Age-appropriate classes, high-sensory youth programs, and adult involvement

Jury duty took the full day yesterday, but I knew I would eventually be dismissed because it was a medical malpractice case in which one of the key witnesses was my former neurosurgeon. (As one of my friends with rheumatoid arthritis put it on Facebook yesterday, "Haha you and a medical case? What were the chances you wouldn't know the doctor?" Yes, my friends, there are some benefits of having a couple of autoimmune diseases and being the rare bird who has unusual complications with each one... you know most doctors in town and are rarely eligible for a medical malpractice jury!)

Meanwhile, the friend who made that comment just has a rheumatologist. She hasn't collected the array of specialists I have. Each case is a little different, and hers and mine haven't followed the same course, even though we have the same disease, similar treatment, and even the same doctor for a while.

I bring that up because, as I dive into Tammy's questions from last week, I want you to be reminded that each situation is unique. More often than you'd probably like, I'm going to answer, "Well, it depends." When I was a brand-new special education teacher, I scoured book after book and website after website looking for the perfect answer I could apply universally in my classes. Did I find it? Nope. And neither will you as you look for the perfect answer that you can apply across the board to every person with special needs at your church.

Remember, it's not the disability you're serving with, it's a person. Ministry isn't formulaic; it's relational. When we see the person and not just the diagnosis, it becomes obvious that our answers won't be one size fits all. Jesus wasn't predictable. When we draw from him - his love, compassion, and strength - our ministry responses probably won't be either, because viewing each situation through his eyes will allow us to see the nuances that he created in each one. While I would give my son a band-aid for a scrape on his knee, I wouldn't try to slap a band-aid on his mouth if he were vomiting. No single solution works in all cases.

And one last disclaimer: some of my answers might raise more questions. Please feel free to ask them! I love blogging more when it engages others; without discussion, it sometimes feels like I'm shouting into the mysterious beyond. (Brownie points for whoever can identify that movie reference!)

Now, onward to the questions...

how are age groups decided for classes of people w/intellectual disabilities?

It depends. (See? Can't say I didn't warn you!) If we're talking about a separate Sunday school class for people with disabilities, there are two important things you must remember: (1) intellectual disabilities do not always impact physical development (unless the intellectual disability is the result of a condition affecting both) and (2) intellectual disabilities do not necessarily affect the onset of sexual maturity. Most folks at our church are too quick to picture a sweet young boy with Down syndrome as our image of special needs without remembering that Down syndrome is only one area of special needs and that the boy will grow up. (Also, just as my sweet girl with no disabilities can be disobedient, it's condescending to think that the "sweet boy with Down syndrome" is always sweet. He's a boy, first and foremost, which means he has a range of dispositions that include sweet and not so sweet too!) It's easier to get churches on-board to welcome that "sweet" boy and his family; it's harder to get churches to welcome him as an adult. That's not okay, but it's the reality I've seen, so I don't want to sugar coat the realities here.

Connie Hutchinson, the Director of Disabilities Ministry at Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, CA, and the mother of an adult daughter with special needs, shared a story at the Accessibility Summit this year about when an older man in a mixed age class continuing pursued her then teenage daughter romantically. He - having developed physically and sexually at the same rate as other men - desired companionship; however, not having developed intellectually at the same rate, he didn't understand that inappropriateness of his advances due to the age difference. This story illustrates why I definitely advise against adults and kids being mixed into one birth through elderly special needs class and why I advise wisdom for other wide groupings as well.

At our church, we have a separate class for adult, and some older teens do attend that class. When we add another separate class - which we will probably need to do during one of our services, because the children's ministry program then can be overwhelming for kids with sensory processing disorders - it will be for elementary students. This will leave a gap in preschool, which isn't always a problem because the differences among kids isn't always as obvious then, and for those who do need early support, we either accommodate the setting with a one-on-one buddy or modify it by keeping a child in a younger class, if the child's size isn't too large compared to the younger kids. (We only consider younger placements in preschool and for special circumstances; it's preferable to include a child in a same-age class whenever possible.) And it will also leave a gap for middle school and lower high school, which we do plan to fill eventually. We're just not able to fill that need yet, and we're trying to be wise about what where we say "yes, NOW!" and where we say, "yes, but not yet." (I hate that last answer, but it's impossible to give all "yes, NOW!" answers without depleting your ministry. Aim for growth to fulfill the future yeses; be willing to say "not yet" so you can execute today's yeses and have a foundation to build on for tomorrow's yeses.)

what if a teen w/a preschool level of functioning & sensory processing difficulty cannot handle the loud music of the youth program? Should the other youth have to have their music volume lowered? should the teen attend a younger aged class? should the teen be moved outside the classroom where it is quieter?wants to attend a grade school, or pre-school class?

 This kind of scenario is why we're planning to begin a separate class for elementary-aged students with special needs during our third service. (Right now, it's a "yes, but not yet" but it's fast becoming a "yes, SOON!") The typical classes during that hour start in small groups and then combine into a large-group setting that is loud and busy. We're okay with creating a different setting because we have more inclusive options for families during our other services (and because we also offer inclusion during that hour too, though it can be hard for some kids, given the setting).

I would work to creatively figure out a way to include that teen without substantially changing the program. Sometimes it is wise to change the program, but youth typically like the loud music and eliminating all loud music could exclude many other kids (at least it would at our church), so how can we include all of them in unique ways? Is there an area of the room that isn't as loud? Could he wear earplugs or some other device to muffle the noise so he could stay in the room? Can you have loud music at the beginning and then drop the volume so that he could enter at that point? Is there a quiet room nearby where he could go with supervision (at least two adults) if the sensory input is becoming too overwhelming? If a separate setting is deemed necessary for that portion of the youth program, what other portions can be adapted to include him? (In other words, if you decide that you'll say no to inclusion in the instance described, where can you yes?)

We have had some older kids with special needs help as teachers in younger classes, but they need a role of more than just a student in the class because the size of a teen isn't appropriate for him to be a member of a preschool class, even if he is cognitively functioning at that level.

what if an adult w/low level physical & intellectual abilities wants to come and we don't have an adult spec. needs class? (they don't fit in with children or youth or adults).

 Do you want my honest gut reaction? Start a class. As I've examined special needs ministries across the country, I've found that adult ministries are rare. Most occur when members of the children's special needs ministry grow up. My church is a little odd in that our adult ministry to include those with disabilities was more established and developed that our kids' ministry; that's rarely the case. If you have one adult who is interested, it probably won't take much outreach to find a few more adults to make up a class. Few churches are stepping up to include adults with disabilities. Be the one in your area that steps up where others step back or turn away.

Until then, could they fill another role? We have several adults with special needs who joyfully hand out bulletins as worshipers enter each service. They get the opportunity to contribute to the body in a meaningful way, and they love it! It also sends a strong message to every person who enters our church, showing that we acknowledge the value God has given each person and that we offer a place for each one to use his or her gifts for the greater good of the body. (Check out 1 Corinthians 12, starting in verse 12. It's a good passage for thinking about this sort of thing!)

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I assume one aspect to each question: prayer. Pray. Pray. And then? Pray. You can't figure out the perfect answers for your situation, and neither can I. But God? He knows the answers before you ask.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" {Matthew 7:7-11}

I'll be prayerfully answering questions for the next couple days. Any other questions? Any different answers? (Don't feel like you'll step on my toes if you disagree - your perspective is valuable, and my answers aren't flawless!)

And thanks for reading. Seriously. I am passionate about special needs ministry, and I love writing about it. I would do so even if no one else showed up, but I'm so encouraged that you do come visit my corner of blogland. Thanks. You're a blessing.