Pat Robertson's view of Alzheimer’s and divorce: Not just wrong, but dangerous

My heart ached today as I read this introduction to Russell Moore's post:

This week on his television show Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson said a man would be morally justified to divorce his wife with Alzheimer’s disease in order to marry another woman. The dementia-riddled wife is, Robertson said, “not there” anymore. This is more than an embarrassment. This is more than cruelty. This is a repudiation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

The opinion Robertson gave is wrong. It is not supported by scripture. I could write an entire post on why his words fly in the face of biblical teaching about both earthly marriage and the union between Christ and the church. Moore has already done an excellent job of explaining that, though, so I suggest you read his post.

When it comes to people with special needs, from the littlest ones to the elderly wife he said the husband could divorce, Robertson's words are more than wrong. They are dangerous.

If it's okay to say that a husband can desert his wife because she is "not there" anymore, what else is okay? How about a parent deserting a child because she can't communicate verbally? Or aborting a child because he has a disability? Or telling the world that you wish you could have had an abortion so your child wouldn't have to watch other kids run and play without being able to join in? Or what about a judge forcing a couple to fight to adopt a child with a disability because that judge doesn't think the child deserves anything more than a sterile institution? If it's okay to walk away from marriage because your wife isn't cognitively there anymore, then why aren't all of those things okay too?

Or, to return to the topic of marriage for a moment, how about me? When we were dating, my husband and I charted out several lengthy rock-climbing adventures we planned to do one day. Rock climbing was a passion we shared and loved together, and we expected it to be a major part of our married lives too, at least while we were younger. We also each wrote on our premarital counseling surveys that I would probably be the one to get up during the night with the kids. We didn't know I would have two chronic and incurable diseases before our second wedding anniversary, health conditions that make sleepless nights much harder for me (so he's the one to get up with the kids, not me) and that ended our rock climbing plans (though I still have them saved because those dreams are still precious to remember). Would it be okay for my husband to walk away because our lives are vastly different than we planned and because he has to do more to support and care for me than we ever anticipated at this stage in our lives? Thank God that the answer is no!

And what about a church that says it's just too hard to include people with disabilities, especially those who might not be able to understand basic theological instruction? If it's okay for a husband to divorce his wife who has Alzheimer’s, then logic would allow the church to neglect those who we deem to be "not there" by our standards. Neither is acceptable.

I opened with Russ Moore's words about this, and I'll close with them as well, because he nails it far better than I could:

Sadly, many of our neighbors assume that when they hear the parade of cartoon characters we allow to speak for us, that they are hearing the gospel. They assume that when they see the giggling evangelist on the television screen, that they see Jesus. They assume that when they see the stadium political rallies to “take back America for Christ,” that they see Jesus. But Jesus isn’t there.

Jesus tells us he is present in the weak, the vulnerable, the useless. He is there in the least of these (Matt. 25:31-46). Somewhere out there right now, a man is wiping the drool from an 85 year-old woman who flinches because she think he’s a stranger. No television cameras are around. No politicians are seeking a meeting with them.

But the gospel is there. Jesus is there.

When are YOU fed? When do YOU rest?

I have a range of readers for this blog - ministry leaders, parents, pastors, people with disabilities, and other friends - but we all have a few things in common:

• the need to be fed, not just to be feeding others
• the need to rest, not just to offer rest
• the need to rely on a Savior, not just to trust in ourselves

Today is the first day of this year's Bible study for me and the kids. I'm thankful to have a great program at our church in which I'll be studying the book of Acts with other women this year while my kids - Robbie, age two, and Jocelyn, age four - will be exploring the same passage at their own levels in their own classes. I love our Tuesday morning program because it provides me with an opportunity to show up and participate without being in charge of anything, which is a refreshing change of pace. I get to dive into God's word to be fed alongside other women. And it is always a blessing.

Instead of writing a complete post today, I'd love to hear from you. What do you do to be fed? How do you prioritize rest? When you're serving, how do you avoid the trap of relying on yourself instead of Him?

It is in vain that you rise up early

and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for he gives to his beloved sleep.

{Psalm 127:2}

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.

{Mark 6:31}

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

{Matthew 11:28-30}

Weekly round-up! {9/12/11}

I've mentioned before that Wrestling with an Angel is one of my all-time favorite books and the book that every pastor ought to own and read through at least twice. Here's an interview with Greg Lucas on the Together For Adoption website, posted last week.

To spotlight one church that is doing it well, here's one that held art classes for adults with special needs and then held an art show to display their works.

That church with the art show? That's Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas. It also happens to be the church pastored by Chuck Swindoll. He also happens to be the keynote speaker for Inclusion Fusion, an upcoming web summit for special needs ministry that will be held November 3-5, 2011. I have been helping with it as part of the program team, and I will be one of the speakers. I'm excited to be part of an event that can equip church leaders for free and from any location via the internet. You can find out more or register here.

And, though I usually end these on a positive note, I want to leave you with this story. I blogged on Friday about a mom who testified in court that she would have aborted her three-year-old son if she knew before birth that he would have no arms and one leg. Later that day the court ruled in favor of her and her husband, awarding them $4.5 million dollars. Here are some quick takeaways from this:

• Pray for their son, Bryan, who will one day learn that his care was paid for because his mother told a room full of people that she wished she hadn't given birth to him.
• Pray for everyone involved in the case, from the parents to the ultrasound technicians.
• Pray that this wouldn't encourage other doctors to recommend for abortion to avoid similar malpractice cases.
• And pray for the church to rise up and take a stand in love with people with disabilities. If we do nothing, then we let the world define the worth of individuals with special needs. And this is what the world is saying.

And a positive note for us to end on? A related post from my friend Becky about the choice for life that she and her husband made for their son with special needs. It's worth reading.

Fridays from the Families: A mom who says she would have aborted if she knew her child would have special needs (UPDATE ADDED)

I know I have several new readers this week, so - as a quick note of explanation - most Fridays I either feature a guest post here from someone who has a disability or a family member with a disability or I link to posts like that. Why? Well, I've found that most churches that exclude people with disabilities aren't mean or malicious or heartless. They're just ignorant or unsure of where to start. Hearing from the families helps demystify disability for church leaders. (Here's the page with links to all of my Fridays from the Families posts if you want to check them out.)

Some days the post is positive, but today isn't one of those days. Today I'm asking you to pray as you read this post and its comments: A Mom Says She Would Have Aborted Her Child with Special Needs. Even though the mom admits that her three-year-old son's life has value, she also says she doesn't think it's fair for him to have to live with his daily hardships.

Ellen from Love That Max is the writer of this post, and she's not a Christian nor is she pro-life. While she seems to be disturbed by the mother's comments, she admits that she doesn't know what she would have done if she had the option to abort her son with special needs before she had met him. Now that she knows him, he loves him and is completely thankful for his life; before his birth, though, she admits that the fear of the unknown could have overwhelmed her if the diagnosis had come prenatally. She writes, "Having a child with disabilities can seem like a terrible fate…until you have a child with special needs."

I think this is how many church leaders feel about disability ministry. Welcoming people with disabilities can seem like a lot of work without much return ... until you begin to do it and realize how incomplete your church body was before you included people with special needs. (Even then, it can still be a lot of work at times!) According to 1 Corinthians 12, we are incomplete without all our parts.

Pray for those churches. Pray for the boy at the center of this story - his name is Bryan and he's almost three - whose mom has now gone on court record stating that she wished she knew about his disability before he was born so she could have aborted him. Pray for the commenters who offer a range of perspectives. One states that he would abort a child if he knew that the baby would have the same disability that his brother has, sharing

I simply don’t think I would want anyone to go through the same experiences that my family went through. I wouldn’t want to allow any child to have to go through the pain, suffering and other difficulties that a disability creates. Likewise I wouldn’t want any family to have to the make sacrifices that you necessarily and willing make when a family member is disabled.

Another wrote

I understand what she’s saying because I did have a right NT scan at my 10 week ultrasound. I had a cvs to determine his genetics. Turns out no downsyndrom however he might still have heart problems. If my testing had come back positive for ds we wouldv terminated the pregnancy. I can’t see purposely bringing a human into the world who would always have medical problems. I know I’m not strong enuf to handle it. I know to some of u it sounds weak but after a ton of research I just couldn’t do that to a child of mine. I already have one son who is perfectly healthy and it wouldn’t be fair to him or the other child to live their lives like that if its avoidable.

 Yet another says

It’s so hard to know what you would have done had you known. I hate to say it, but if we had been told our child was going to have autism, I probably wouldn’t have gone to term with the pregnancy. I’d like to think I would have had my son anyway, and that knowing he had autism would have benefited him because we could have started therapy right away…who knows? I know I love him and I wouldn’t trade him for the world though.

That last sentence is promising. Before she met him, she says she would have aborted if she knew about his autism; now that he's in her life, she loves him and wouldn't trade him for the world. I'm praying that God would allow his people to interact with those with special needs so we can all have that same before/after transformation as God changes our hearts in a true community of unified diversity.

And, when that community is established and the church truly loves those with disabilities, perhaps more families will see that life is a viable option for a pre-born child with a disability as they see that the church is ready and willing to walk that road with them. It isn't easy, but God provides a model for us in the early church of a body of believers who were willing to go to great lengths to care for each others' needs. Let's show the grace and love we've received from Christ to one another like the Acts 2 church did.

And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  

And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. 

And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Acts 2:44-47

 Update: Later on the day I posted this, the court found in the mother's favor; read about it here. She and her husband were awarded $4.5 million dollars. Here are some quick prayer points to take from this:

• Pray for their son, Bryan, who will one day learn that his care was paid for because his mother told a room full of people that she wished she hadn't given birth to him.
• Pray for everyone involved in the case, from the parents to the ultrasound technicians.
• Pray that this wouldn't encourage other doctors to recommend for abortion to avoid similar malpractice cases.
• And pray for the church to rise up and take a stand in love with people with disabilities. If we do nothing, then we let the world define the worth of individuals with special needs. And this is what the world is saying.

Jesus, I will give you little; I surrender some

I can't claim the title. I pulled it from the talented team in the three-minute video below.



(Have you watched the video yet? Be honest. If you haven't, do. Seriously. I'm not a YouTube junkie, and I love it.)

I know I chuckled as I watched it. It is funny. But I want to challenge you not to stop at the chuckle.

Think beyond the laughter, and be challenged, as I was. Do you worship God, or do you go through the motions? Do you exalt Christ or yourself? Do you sing the words but fail to put them into action in your own life? (I know I've been guilty on all counts at times.)

And how about what you claim to care about? A catchphrase at our church is "engage the church; engage the city." When we became much more intentional about special needs ministry a little over a year ago, I challenged one of our pastors with that phrase, asking, "Do you mean it? Do we want to engage all of our city or just those who will fit in without much effort or change from us?"

In the video, I noted this line toward the end: "someone stop that baby from crying right now..." I have a two-year-old son and a four-year-old daughter, and I cringe inwardly when they have acted, well, less than church-like on Sundays. I can't recall any dirty looks for it, but I wouldn't know; I'm usually too busy trying to sink into the floor to notice. It's uncomfortable.

We like comfort, don't we? I'm writing this on an evening when everyone else in the family is gone. I'm lounging on the couch with my feet propped up, and I'm considering a bubble bath later. I'm liking this moment, because - with two preschoolers - this type of thing doesn't happen often.

And I can bring that comfort-seeking desire into church too. Too often I'm thinking "I can't wait to see Norma this morning; she always encourages me!" on Sunday morning instead of "who can I encourage today?" How about you?

When a baby cries during service or a child has a meltdown or an adult sings terribly off-key, are you willing to show the grace you've received from Christ with others, or are you simply annoyed?

When you're presented with an opportunity to serve God and others, are you excited or are you concerned that it might mess with your plans?

When you realize that people with disabilities aren't represented well in your church, are you willing to do something to change that? Or are you content with your church being a place in which the gospel is presented to just those who look and act like you?

Ouch. I need to go spend some time with God to ponder those questions and examine myself.

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

2 Corinthians 13:5

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139:23-24

Let us test and examine our ways,

and return to the Lord!

Lamentations 3:40