so how did this whole crazy adoption get started? (part 2)

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I ended yesterday's post - the first part to this story - with a message I sent our friend, asking for more information about Zoe Amanda. Here's part two...

That was January 30. We were sent more information later that day, along with her picture. I forwarded the email along to Lee, with the note below (minus the financial and logistical portions that I'm not willing to share on the blog):
Lee, you know me. You know that it doesn't take much to tug my heart strings, but God also gave you to me as my perfect husband to protect me from my desire to help others at the expense to myself. I was honest this weekend when I told you that I wanted us to pray about it and that I wasn't trying to steer you either way on it. I was honest when I said that I wasn't thinking we needed to do this but rather that we needed to pray about it.

And I need to be honest now: I just saw her picture and learned more about her. And I want to move heaven and earth to bring her home. [...] And I don't know if we can logistically make it happen. I just know that God says we are called to care for orphans in His name, and I know she needs a family, and I know we want to adopt, and I know that I'm willing to abandon speaking engagements and doctoral studies if that's what it'll take to give her a family.

But I also know that God gave me you as the perfect leader for our family and that I trust you and Him. We have to decide fast if we'll pursue this, because of the timing. [...]

Please know that I love you, and I'll love you no more or less if you and I don't see eye to eye on this and I will follow and respect you no matter what. I love you, and I'd love to talk to you more about this tonight.   
We didn't get to talk that night. I can't remember why, but it was probably because we were all recovering from colds.

On the 31st, with Lee's permission, I asked my Bible study group to pray about this. That evening, prior to a special needs ministry leadership meeting, I texted one of our pastors and asked him and his wife to pray. At the meeting - once again, after asking Lee first - I shared the need with our team and asked them to pray for her without mentioning that we were considering being her family; a couple of them know us well enough to call us on it, and we 'fessed up that we were praying about it. Lee and I had driven separately that night because I had physical therapy for my knee right before the meeting, so we sat in my car and discussed everything before us.

The next morning, Lee asked me to find out everything I could about her, about the process, and about the children's home where she was. I began to do that. And we each told our parents that night about what we were considering.

The next day, I set up a phone conversation with the US-based adoption coordinator, and Lee and I decided on a list of question to ask and answers we would need to hear in that conversation to feel comfortable moving forward. I asked every question. I got every answer. Later that night, less than a week after we found out about her, we realized that we no longer felt like we were praying for some girl on the other side of the world.

We realized we were praying for our daughter.

We contacted the adoption coordinator to say yes. I called a friend from church who has a son with cerebral palsy and, after leaving an only halfway lucid message on her voicemail, had an encouraging conversation when she returned my call. I called a few more friends. We decided on a name. We told friends at church on Sunday. We formally accepted the referral Sunday night. We shared the news with our immediate families. And then we posted the news on the blog that Tuesday, holding off long enough for me to be able to share the news with my Bible study group in person.

And here we are now. On a wild and crazy and unexpected ride that is blessing us all beyond measure.

so how did this whole crazy adoption get started? (part 1)

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We always planned to adopt. Eventually.

Our first plans were for domestic adoption of an older child or sibling group, with or without special needs.

As we learned more about orphans with disabilities, though, we realized that the likelihood of having a family - even a foster family - for a child with special needs was slim in many other countries. And the story of Kirill pushed us over the edge to consider international adoption.

In May 2011, we put our plans out there on the interwebs, stating that it would be a few years yet before we adopted. In that post, I wrote these words:
After a lot of prayer and research and prayer and conversations and prayer, we're willing to share where we stand in our plans right now. No guarantees that it won’t change, though, because God does his thing (the best thing!) in his time. However, I don’t think it’s unwise to share our plans, just as others aren’t shy about saying “ideally we want two kids” (or one kid or five kids or no kids). We trust that God is sovereign, and we'll be content whether or not his plans are the same as ours.
On January 21, 2012, I blogged that "we decided that we would move toward selling and wait to begin the adoption process until we're in a new home." (In case you're wondering, the house isn't on the market yet, but it will be soon.)

In that post, I also asked, "pray for us as we research a tough topic related to our adoption plans. I wish I could share more than that cryptic comment, but I can't yet, except to say that God has drawn us to consider something we hadn't considered before and that we need to be bathed in prayer." Some friends have asked if we were talking about Zoe Amanda then. The answer? No. We didn't know Zoe Amanda existed then. I don't mind sharing now that what we were considering was adding HIV-positive to the list of special needs we'd be open to in adoption. (By the way, we decided we would be open to that. Here's a link explaining why.)

On January 28, 2012, an old friend from Bible study sent me this Facebook message which began,
You had mentioned a while ago that you might be thinking about adopting a child with special needs...I know of a 3 month old baby girl who is up for adoption in Taiwan with a brain injury that will most likely result in some form of CP. I have no idea if this is something you're even thinking about, but I can give you more info if you are.
In my response, I said I'd talk to Lee about it. In my recollection of the message, I thought I agreed to pray about it, but I just checked - I didn't. Not then. Honestly, I didn't plan to. I planned to talk to Lee, agree with him that the timing wasn't write, and ask this friend how I could spread the word. In my message to her, I wrote out the reasons that it wouldn't make sense and ended with a lie: "I'm definitely not saying no, just sharing with you where we stand."

It was a lie because I was telling her no. I just was planning to do it in stages.

The next day - January 29 - Jocelyn turned 5. As we celebrated with friends, I mentioned this little girl to them dismissively, saying, "it just wouldn't make sense for us to adopt her."

Lee and I talked later that night. We agreed that the answer was probably no. But we also realized that this lined up with the passions God had given us for adoption and special needs, so we agreed that we should pray about it.

I contacted that friend again, asked for a little more information, and added at the end of the message, "Please pray for us, that God will make it clear how He plans for us to help her - be it through my blog or through welcoming her into our family - and that we would have the confidence based in Him to be obedient if He is calling us to abandon our plans and pursue her adoption."


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And part two will be coming in the morning...

disability ministry weekly round-up {2-27-12}

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Hi, y'all! This week the blog will be picking back up, as all our adoption paperwork will be out of our hands and on its way to Atlanta and then Taiwan. Thanks for hanging in there with the quietness over here while we've ironed out those details!

Your Reactions to Autism: What Helps and What Doesn't: "...yes, sometimes an offer of help or of understanding or of just getting it makes all the difference in the world."

Love, marriage, and special needs: The clearest article I've read explaining the stresses on marriage when parents have a child with special needs. And I appreciate the acknowledgment that "new research is debunking the myth that relationships for parents of children with disabilities are statistically doomed."

It turns out 'we're all a bit broken': "Basically, the ‘average’ person has something wrong in their genetic makeup."

Unqualified: "The reality is potential volunteers don’t need the right qualifications; they need God’s calling! Where is God calling you to serve?"

Let's Play... Inclusive Friendship: "As more and more children with disabilities are included in our schools, communities and churches, there are even greater opportunities to celebrate one another’s differences. For a child, friendships can be one of the most rewarding aspects of their lives."

Someone who's been there: Moms of special-needs children find help from a sympathetic source - other moms: "Though she was devastated when her 3-year-old son was diagnosed with autism, what followed was almost worse — she felt abandoned by family members and her church."

Wheelchairs making a difference: "Before working with her, I was like a lot of people and almost scared of people with disabilities, because I didn't know what to say and do," George said. "She opened up my eyes to people with disabilities."

In Case of the Blurts: "Children learn to blurt out what's on their minds. Sometimes they learn to do so because we teach it, and sometimes they learn it because we fail to teach them how not to blurt. If you know why it happens, you can better decide how to respond."

Your Mother Would Be Ashamed If...: "I know there are some parents who act like the world revolves around their children. They totally ignore the distraction their baby makes in the middle of church, a restaurant or a professional setting. But most parents are doing their best to manage the situation."

And finally, if you're interested, some links to my personal blog with adoption updates:

Zoe's four month birthday present: A stone of remembrance

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In Joshua, God's people set up stones to serve as a reminder of what God had done on their behalf.
And those twelve stones, which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up at Gilgal. And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” {Joshua 4:20-24}
Skip ahead a couple books in the Bible, and we see Samuel setting up a stone after God acted in a mighty way to give victory to His people. He called the stone Ebenezer, which means "stone of help."
Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now the Lord has helped us.”{1 Samuel 7:12}
In Joshua, the people remembered God's provision of dry ground and safe passage.
 
In 1 Samuel, the people remembered the great victory God accomplished for them.

In our lives today, we have a new stone of remembrance. 

Or, perhaps I should say, Zoe Amanda has a new stone of remembrance. 

When I initially drafted yesterday's blog post, I shared the deadline of the end of this week for the rest of our first adoption payment to be raised. Then - before the post went live - I thought, That's crazy. It just isn't possible. And even though we needed the money sooner, I changed the deadline in the post from the end of the week to the end of the weekend. I just wasn't sure $1,870 could be raised in two days via this blog.

Two days weren't necessary. We didn't even need 24 hours. It is all raised. The exact amount.

Today Zoe Amanda is four months old. And to be honest, I was dreading today. While I praise God for each milestone and birthday, I know my heart will ache a little every time she is one month older and not here with us.

But I didn't need to dread today. I didn't need to because God's timing provided a stone of remembrance instead.

For me.

For her.

For His glory.