why I'm not going to my senior prom {Kelsey's guest post about why she chose Joy Prom instead}

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Kelsey posted this on her own blog last week. She has graciously agreed to let me repost it, and I'm thankful that our friend Heather captured some wonderful dance floor pictures that I could include at the end! (If you missed it, here's the post where I introduced Kelsey, and here and here are posts from her earlier this week. And here's Kelsey's follow-up to this post.)

Recently, I’ve heard a lot of reasons why I’m not going to prom.

That’s right, from other people. I just want to clear the air.

It was not an act of defiance. I am not skipping out on prom because I’m too cool or too hipster or because I think anything badly of the whole concept of prom.

It was not because my last boyfriend and I recently broke up and I’m too heartbroken to go outside. How lame is that?

It was not because I couldn’t get a date. It was not based on my own insecurity.

It was not because I am afraid of seeing people who I used to hold close to my heart there. I am not spineless.

It was not because my last prom experience was terrible. It was actually pretty decent.

It was not because my mom said I couldn’t go or because I am too tired or because of any other reason besides this:

I have something else to do. Something I have to do. Not because I am some sort of prom martyr, but because I have a passion. Because I am someone fortunate enough to truly love to do something, and even more blessed to know exactly what that is.

I should give a backstory. (I actually wrote my college essay about this)

When I was in tenth grade, I had my heart set on going to prom with this guy. Things didn’t work out between us, and he decided to take someone else instead, and that crushed me. I searched all over for a different prom to go to, and my mom directed me to one that my church was having for people with special needs.

Now I was scared of people with special needs. I thought they were out of their minds and dangerous. But, for the sake of being able to look pretty for a night, I went.

I loved it. I spent the night with some absolutely amazing people, talking dancing and singing and having a marvelous time. But the thing is, it wasn’t about me anymore. I threw aside my social inhibitions and focused on giving these wonderful, unappreciated people the fabulous time they deserve. Here is my original post from the night.

Person after person I encountered at joy prom confirmed this new passion I had unearthed. I love people with special needs. They are the most joyful and trusting and humble and lovely human beings you will ever meet, and they are so often looked down upon, when in reality they are people just like us who want to be seen as something more than their disorder. I want them to know that the love of Christ envelops them and covers a multitude of sins, and one way to convey that is to love them with a love that transcends all understanding - despite every social barrier. I could go on about this, but I’ll save it for another post. I’ve spent the last two years working with kids with special needs, making sure that they feel valued and loved and important just like everyone else, and it is undoubtedly something I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

I know what you’re thinking. This is just one of those human rights things that teenage girls get into. But this is no kony 2012 deal. This is a present issue that people are facing every single day, and I have a good bit of proof for you if you want it. This is something you can change, and really, something I can change.

So this year, I’m going to joy prom. I’m sure going to miss dressing up and looking nice and riding around town with my date and taking pictures and eating great food and dancing with my friends and staying up all night at a breakfast with my senior class. But I know that in 20 years, this time I had wont matter one bit. But the fulfillment I get from helping someone disgustingly undervalued feel like a prince or a princess for a night will last for far longer.

I am in no way condemning prom - I am merely stating the call on my life. My sacrifice is not for attention, and I do not write this to call attention to myself or to be dramatic - I simply want you all to know the truth. That I am not going to my senior prom because I am going to be partaking of my life’s passion.

Really, it’s no sacrifice at all.




Kelsey's college application essay on special needs ministry {guest post!}

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Kelsey rocking the sombrero at our December respite night

My best friend called him “Mr. Happy Sunshine,” and said that he was an idiot. I disagreed. He was my first real boyfriend, and he promised to take me to prom. However, my friend was correct about the latter statement. “Mr. Happy Sunshine” broke up with me on the most beautiful snowy day of the year, draining my life of all happiness and sunshine, and just weeks before the big night. It ruined my prom plans, but not much as the fact that he invited my friend instead. That was harsh.

I just wanted to dress up. I searched for different proms that I could attend, and stumbled upon one at my church for people with special needs. “I could probably wear a pretty dress here,” I thought. I donned my prettiest dress and set out from my tragic breakup that seemingly ended my life, and into the night that began it.

I was a hostess. I escorted guests from their cars into the building where a professional tended to them according to their specific needs. I remember a man with muscular dystrophy hoisting himself carefully out of a van and latching onto my arm and that of his father. He struggled to walk down the red carpet, beaming the whole way, and taking five minutes longer than any other guest to do so. His father said to me, “This is the best he has ever done.” Hobbling slowly for twenty feet was the best that this man had ever done. I spent my whole life in my own world making sure that every tiny detail of my little plans came to fruition, and crumbling if they didn’t, and this man had never gotten out of his chair and walked alone.

That April night I realized how selfish I was. Though I spent my whole life perfecting the person that I am, and I never experienced the fullness of life through another person’s perspective, I am not the only person in the world. I decided that walking beside someone who is struggling is more important than dancing with someone who I think is cute. People with legacies are not people with perfect lives, but people who decide that other people’s lives are more important.

Since then, I helped start a ministry at my church that gives children with disabilities the opportunity to be in a standard classroom environment with the help of a youth volunteer. It is a challenging job that requires a lot of patience. Children often run away or disobey. Junior year, I became an intern that researches other similar ministries, and applies that information to our ministry. In college, I hope to study psychology and disorders so that I can be of more help to those people. Due to that fateful night intended to make myself feel beautiful, I discovered that it is much more rewarding to make others feel that way, even if beauty manifests itself as an unstable walk down a strip of red shag carpet.

Want to hear more from Kelsey? Here's the post where I introduced her and here, here, and here are three other guest posts from her about Joy Prom.

Kelsey's first Joy Prom {guest post}

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In Kelsey's own words from 2010 (and, after this, you can read three posts from her from this year here, here, and here)...
I had my heart set on going to prom this year.


I hold it in a high place in my heart. 
Looking my best and being with people I adore, partying like tomorrow will never come.

I guess you could say I had definite motivation to go in the first place.

I figured…yeah sure why not. All the kids at my school are going to be flipping out about their own prom, I need something to do, and community service is great.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to this until the special needs class came parading through my Sunday school classroom.

Laughing and jumping and smiling. This night meant the world to them. They look forward to it all year.

God basically kicked my butt into going. I was worried. I thought I was overdressed and taking this way too seriously.


I wasn’t.

I watched hundreds of adorable people with special needs get out of their cars. My heart broke.

Jesus loves these people so much and no one gives them any credit.

They’re brilliant. They just have problems communicating it.

They are so filled with joy in everything. They don’t feel sorry for themselves. They don’t complain.

And yet I complain so so much about my AP class. I am so privileged to take it.

To be accepted into an excellent school and to be able to apply my knowledge in a classroom setting..

When people like my friend pictured above can’t even speak or walk and are dependent on other people for the rest of their lives.

I loved loved loved being able to dance with these people. For a moment everyone was acting the same and no one was being judgemental. There was so much joy, I couldn’t stand to think of anything sad, or even of myself.

I’m pretty sure that working intensively with people that have special needs, like my friend in the picture, is my calling.

But I’m pretty sure that dedicating one night a year to making him feel incredibly loved is something I can handle.

I live for meeting new people, and people who don’t judge me for my extroversion are the greatest.

I dunno. We’ll see.

I’m so glad Jesus has some big plans for me

Meet Kelsey, our church's Access Ministry intern extraordinaire!

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Kelsey is a high school senior. And our special needs ministry would not be what it is without her. (After you read this, you can see why by reading here guest posts here, here, here, and here!)

I planned to do a week of Kelsey's posts around her graduation to celebrate the end of high school and the transition to my alma mater, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. (Go Heels!) But given that I could be in Taiwan then to bring Zoe home and given that Kelsey's passion, maturity, and servanthood blew folks away this weekend, it's clear: this is the week.

Me and Kelsey on the red carpet before the shindig got started!

Kelsey didn't mean to dip her toes into special needs ministry the first time. She started helping in a preschool Sunday school class. Josiah was in that class, and he - in addition to a mischievous smile and fine blond hair - has Down syndrome. (Some day soon I'll blog here about how an encounter with Josiah brought me into special needs ministry too. God has great plans for that sweet boy!)

(Nope, we weren't part of the medical team. We just liked the smiley balloon!)

Then, as you'll read tomorrow, she wanted to go to a prom during her sophomore year of high school. As she'll admit, she thought she was settling for the Joy Prom, our dinner, dance, and celebration for guests with special needs, ages 16 and up. It's an annual event that our church started eight years ago and that we now host every even year while another church joins us in hosting the odd years.

My shoes? Comfy with old lady orthopedics. Kelsey's? Beautiful strappy sandals with heels.

This year the theme was Around the World, and guests and volunteers were invited to either wear formal attire (like Kels!) or something with an international flair (like me, with jewelry from Africa, a skirt and bracelets from India, and a belt from Ecuador).

We're in the volunteer check-in area, which didn't have much decor... but note the flags on the left!

You'll read her words this week about her passion for ministry, and you'll be blown away. In the words of one of my friends, "I want to be Kelsey when I grow up." While the pictures below show that she's still a teenager, I must admit that it wasn't  Kelsey who said, "Let's make silly faces!" (Maybe someday I'll be as mature as she is.)



Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example
 in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
{1 Timothy 4:12}

And what an example she sets!



Kelsey, I am so proud of the woman you are becoming, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for you in the future. (So glad you'll only be about 30 minutes away for college! I can't think of a better excuse than YOU for many, many trips to Chapel Hill next year.) I've never turned this blog over to someone else for four days straight, but I can't think of a better person to encourage and inspire other churches in what they are doing to welcome those with special needs.

Kelsey, you humble me.