Adoption is beautiful. But it's ugly too.

We like to gush about the beauty of adoption.

I wear a necklace with a cut-out of Taiwan and Christ's words in John 14:18 - "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" - promising the Holy Spirit and His second coming.

I believe that earthly adoption serves at a metastory and a shadow of the true Story of God's redemptive power in adopting me and Lee and Jocelyn and, hopefully one day when they come to know Him, Robbie and Zoe and future children and grandchildren into His forever family.

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.
John 1:12

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.
Romans 8:4-6

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son,born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”
Galatians 4:4-6 

However, consider the Garden of Eden.

Before sin.

Did death or sin turn children into orphans then?
No. Death didn't happen before sin... and, um, obviously sin didn't happen before, uh, sin. 

So, yes, let's bask in the beauty of God's redemption in adoption and God's act of placing the lonely into families, blessing us and blessing her. And let's rejoice when Zoe comes home.

But let's also remember that every earthly adoption is a response to the ugly realities of a fallen world. Let's also remember that our adoption with gain a child for our family and a family for our Zoe, it also involves loss. Orphans only exist because - whatever the circumstances may be - they lost their birth family.

Don't get me wrong. I do still believe that adoption is beautiful. I will keep sharing the beauty in adoption. 

But I will also write about the ugliness too.

In Isaiah 61:3, the prophet writes about the glorious exchange of "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Would the beauty seem as sweet in the absence of the ashes? Would the joy be as rich without the mourning first? Would the praise be as consuming if it didn't follow despair?

Let's keep celebrating the beauty, and let's remember and be brokenhearted over the brokenness from which the beauty emerges.  

well, 2012 has been a bit different than expected...

(First, a reminder: I have a giveaway going on here! It will close on Monday at 8pm.)

This past Christmas, we didn't write or send a Christmas letter out. I didn't have a nice or recent family photo to share, I didn't have the wherewithal to coordinate the logistics of having a picture taken as I was still in physical therapy for my stubborn knee, and I didn't feel like we had anything noteworthy to share about the coming year.

Well.

That changed.


On January 28, a friend contacted us about a baby girl who needed a family.

On February 7, we accepted the referral to be her family and named her Zoe Amanda.

On February 8, we started our home study.

On February 29, we overnighted our dossier to Taiwanese officials in Atlanta for authentication.

On March 1 or 2, the folks from that Taiwanese office mailed our authenticated dossier to Taiwan.

On March 13, we were issued a court date in Taiwan.

On March 30, we put our house on the market.

On March 31, it was under contract.

On April 7, we made an offer and entered a contract for the purchase of our new-to-us home.

On April 10, our adoption coordinators represented us at our court date in Taiwan.

On April 18, we were issued our first ruling, indicating the judge's intent to grant the adoption. (YAY!)

On May 4 and 7, we closed on the old and new houses, respectively, and began the move, with a few weeks of overlap between the two houses as we rented our old house back from the new owners.

On May 25, we were issued our final ruling, which legally made us Zoe's parents. (YIPPEE!)

On May 26, we turned over the keys to the old house, having fully transitioned to life in the new house. (The jury is still out, though, on when we'll be settled and fully unpacked!)

On June 12, our court documents were available in English, and we requested our visa appointment from the US officials in Taiwan.

On June 21, we received an email with our visa appointment (July 10).

On July 3, we'll board a plane to Taipei. (Well, to New York. And then to Taipei.)

On July 5, we'll fly into Taitung and our friends will bring us straight to Zoe.

She'll be placed into our arms.

And I'll finally get to kiss those chubby cheeks!

(Wow. The friends who only keep up with us through our Christmas letter are surely going to be surprised, aren't they?)

July 5: Zoe Day

July 5.

That's the day we'll get to hold our baby girl. 

That's the day Zoe will meet her mommy and daddy.

That's the day we'll get to hug and thank the precious folks who have cared for her and learn from them all about what her life has been like in Taitung.

That's the day we'll finally feel like parents of three, even though we've legally been that since May 25.

That's Zoe day.

Full. 

 My heart is full.

~+~

Today's prayer request: Please pray for my airfare search and, after that, our hotel search. We'll be leaving July 3 and returning July 11. So far, the flights we'd like are full, or the prices are too high, or the itinerary has a ridiculous layover - either crazy long or crazy short - at some point. Thanks!

Flights booked! 

in vain you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil

Right now we're waiting for a visa appointment for Zoe. Since that appointment will be on our last day in Taiwan, this is about much more than a date and time to arrive at the American Institute in Taiwan. Once we know when we need to appear for our visa interview, we'll know what our travel dates are.

To put it another way, once we know her visa date, we'll know when Zoe Amanda will be in our arms.

Every night lately I've been staying up late, in hopes that my inbox will contain dates.

Every morning I wake up and check my email to see if anything came while I slept.

Every day I'm exhausted. And, if I'm honest, I'm spending too much time reading about the current weather in Taiwan: monsoons and overlapping tropical storms/typhoons and deaths and evacuations and drones being sent out to monitor floods and landslides (and earthquakes too, though I don't have a link handy for those).

And today God brought these words to my mind:

It is in vain that you rise up early
 and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
 for he gives to his beloved sleep.

{Psalm 127:2}

I've been that woman, going late to rest and rising early and eating the bread of anxious toil and drinking coffee to make it through the waiting hours. 

Hmm. I meant to typing "waking hours." Not "waiting hours." But I'm leaving that typo because of how well it demonstrates my attitudes right now.

I am thankful that God loves me enough to gently convict me with His Spirit through His Word. Tonight, I will go to bed at a decent hour instead of fighting God's sweet gift of sleep. (And if I fall short of that aim and you notice that I've ended up on Facebook late tonight, I give you full permission to tell me to go to bed!)

God is revealing to us sweet reasons for the wait: He needed to work through some heart issues of mine before we traveled. Our home is getting more and more settled as we wait. Our friends are bringing by the crib today. And we know He has other purposes that we can't even see yet. 

I've loved the encouraging comments from y'all on yesterday's post about trusting God (which includes a sweet giveaway, so read it and comment if you haven't yet!). Please keep them coming, and join me in praying that I would cherish this time with my two children who are home instead of rushing the minutes until all three are here.

on waiting and trusting God {some thoughts, a review, and a GIVEAWAY!}

Dinglefest has been quiet lately.

We've reached the point in our paper pregnancy (aka adoption) in which people keep asking if I'm having any contractions yet. Well, not really, but "when do you travel?" is similar to "any signs of labor yet?"... and it can be just as discouraging to say, "we don't know."

A few weeks ago, our adoption coordinator was in an accident in Taitung, the city where Zoe also lives. Then weather craziness ensued there - earthquakes, heavy rains (as much as 27 inches in some areas), flooding, mudslides, a typhoon that thankfully changed course before reaching Taiwan, and a tropical storm currently headed their way. The combination of all those things has meant that while we received our final ruling from the Taiwanese courts, we still don't know when we'll be traveling, though we hope to get that news in the next few days.

All that to say this: we've learned a lot about trusting God in the past month.

And He is still teaching us, for which we are thankful.

A month ago, I had the opportunity to request a bag to review from one of my favorite online retailers, Dayspring. As I picked the bag, I didn't know how appropriate it would be to review it this month.

You see, it says "Just Trust God." And it includes the quote, "Guide me in your truth, and teach me, my God... I trust you all day long. Psalm 25:5"

(That's New Century Version, and I'm just as encouraged by it in my favorite translation, the English Standard Version: "Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.")

It's sunny. And fun. And spacious. (I first used it to hold my Bible and book for my summer Bible study, but they swam in it because it's 18" long, 14" tall and 6" wide... and then I realized it was better suited to be a pool bag for towels and sunscreen. The outer, which is 100% jute, and the red cotton lining dry easily if they get a bit damp, and the 12" drop from the handles allow the towels to spill over while I still carry the bag easily. Perfect!)

Not only do I get to keep this cheerful tote, but Dayspring has given me one to giveaway! If you'd like your very own, leave me a comment on this blog post with encouragement as we trust God during the wait to bring Zoe Amanda home. I'll write your names on slips of paper and let one of my kiddos pick a name from the bag to decide who gets the free bag! (It's a coupon code for the bag and free shipping, so feel free to enter even if you aren't in the Raleigh area.) The giveaway will end on June 25, one week from today.

While I look forward to your sweet comments/entries, I'll leave you with these silly pictures my husband took as I carried the bag to Bible study last week.

Not sure what I was laughing at... probably my husband saying "work it. work it for the camera."

This was after Lee said, "Give me your surprised face!"

He took his job seriously, following me to the car...

...and then I gave him this oh-so-attractive look as my way of saying, "thanks, honey, but that's enough pictures."

Hopefully that last picture won't haunt you.

Now, leave me a comment so you can have your own!

(And you can read other reviews of totes this month at {in}courage's monthly link-up or by clicking the banner below.)

(And the required FCC disclaimer: Dayspring offered me this bag for review purposes - as well as a second tote to give to a friend who has blessed us with a lot of free childcare lately - but my opinions are my own.)