how will you fit SIX kids?

In the car? I’m not sure right now. If we disable the airbag on the front seat, then one of the kids can be there (which is legal if all other seatbelts are being utilized).

In order for all of us to fit, we’ll need a new vehicle. Some minivans seat eight, but none do it really well, in my opinion. (Lee's term for one or more of those seats is "the be glad you're not walking" seat. That doesn't cut it for a family who loves road trips like we do.)

What I want is the Nissan NV, pictured below, in the blue of the first picture.

It can seat twelve, and all the back seats have head rests. Because the back seats can be moved around and each is a single or double seat, Nissan boasts that seating can be configured in 324 different ways. I don’t care to confirm that, but I do like the options I’ve thought through.

This beast could very comfortably handle us all. That said, we absolutely can’t afford one of those, so unless the Ellen show giveaway or something like that works out, it ain’t happening.

So, let’s move on to how we’ll all fit in the house. I know the answers to that question, and I know how to pay for them. Let’s start with the nursery, where Zoe will be. Patricia might be here too.

Zoe’s crib will stay put, her dresser (which will be shared with Patricia) will be moved to where the rocking chair is above, their changing table will fit snugly but not too snugly on the wall by the window, and Patricia’s crib/toddler bed will go on the wall opposite hers. We have the crib, as the one used by Jocelyn and then Robbie and then our nephew has now made it back to us.

 Then the big boys’ room, which is where Robbie and Phillip will live.

Nope, that’s not his room now, and yep, that’s a young Jocelyn sleeping on her first big girl bed. That bed is one of a matching pair that is currently in the attic and will be moved to the boys’ room.

Those two beds – with more manly textiles! – will go in the boys’ room. We’ll sell his current racecar bed to help with adoption expenses or with bedding costs for the new kiddos. The space under the beds will allow for more storage; I'm thinking some bins for books and pajamas.

 Finally, the big girls’ room, where Jocelyn and Patience will bunk. (Literally.) Possibly with Patricia too. (We're going to wait and see Patricia's maturity level and dependence on Patience to decide which room she'll be in.)

source

Lee and his dad are handy, so they’ll design and construct the set pictured above, allowing for four beds for the three girls. (No, we’re not planning to fill that bed, unless Zoe ends up moving in there someday!) This room was the original master bedroom before the previous owners added on the sunroom and our current master, so it’s huge and it has its own bathroom: just perfect for three growing girls!

Yep, there’s room in our hearts for three more… and, with some creativity, in our house as well!

“so are you done yet?"

We already have three kiddos, two with special needs.

We’re adopting again, a sibling group of three.

As our family grows again, I know some of y’all are wondering if we’re done yet.

YES.

I’m sorry, was that not clear enough for you?

YES!!!

While I was pregnant with Robbie, I had a sense of finality. I cherished each moment, even the rough ones, with a degree of certainty that this was the last go-round for me and my womb.

Likewise, we knew we weren’t done with kids. Our Plan A for building our family always included BOTH birth and adoption. Now? We're done after this. God would have to move drastically to change our perspective {and, boy, do we know He can... but we don't think that will be His direction for us after our Ugandan ones are home...}. Six under seven is plenty for us.

For our family, that is. We’re still committed to advocating for waiting kids and supporting other families who adopt. We’re still passionate about supporting ministries that allow families to stay together, because adoption shouldn’t be our only response to the orphan crisis.

We’re still in this for the long haul… just not for more little Dinglefestlings after this.

i just can't stand the cuteness, y'all {zoe's first AFO fitting}

Today Zoe was fitted for her first AFOs (ankle foot orthoses, if you don't live in CP-land) to help her feet and ankles cooperate with trying to walk.

She's being held by Kathy, our fabulous physical therapist, while Nazaly (who is also wonderful!) prepares to get to work on her left foot.

In case you're wondering, yes, she did ham it up the whole time. Girlfriend loves attention, and getting focused attention from Mama and two other grown-ups? Zoe was in her element.

the little casts (with a plastic egg half for scale) to be mailed off for her braces to be custom made!

the print that will be on the plastic, with teal foam and pink straps

Oh, my heart.

I just love being her mom!

aren't we concerned about the issues with artificial twinning?

I do realize that some of you are thinking, "Hmm, I wonder what Shannon has to say about this?" while most of you are wondering, "What's artificial twinning?" So let's start with some definitions.

(Side note: there's some creepy animal husbandry term "artificial twinning" that has to do with in-vitro cloning or some such tomfoolery. Let's be clear that I'm not talking about that, okay?)

I've seen artificial twinning in adoption described several different ways. One of the most common definitions doesn't match us: adopting two babies who are less than nine months apart. (I do have a friend who did that, though, and all is well.) Another does match us: adopting a child who is within six months of age of another child in the family.

Yep, that's us times three.

(Side note: We are keeping the given names for all three children, but we're not publishing those names to the blog until they are legally ours. All their names begin with P, so we'll refer to them by P1, P2, and P3. In person and on Facebook, we're using their real names.)

Jocelyn is six. P1 is six. Technically, Jocelyn is older... but only by five days. So, yes, we're pseudo-twinning our oldest two.

Robbie is four. P2 is four. Technically, P2 is older... but they'll most likely enter kindergarten together. So, yep, we're twinning again.

Zoe is 18 months. P3 just turned 2. Technically, they meet the criteria for twinning because they're within six months of each other... but Zoe's physical differences, plus their spacing that will put P3 in kindergarten a year before Zoe, make this the least twin-like pairing.

(Side note: please, please, please, please, please don't refer to any of the pairings as "twins." I'm using that word for obvious reasons in this post, but I won't anywhere else. They each have had separate non-twin identities for their entire lives until now, and our adjustment will be smoothest if everyone - including us - keeps in mind that each child is a unique individual and not a packaged pair.)

What's the big deal about creating virtual twins through adoption? Competition is one, as kids are more apt to compete in achieving in school, in sharing friends, and in receiving parental affection and attention. When kids are older when they're "twinned," this can be more acute, because two kids who didn't have a true twin from birth are all of a sudden in that sort of relationship. Experts say this can be more problematic in same-gender artificial twins... which is what all three of our pairs will be.

Why is competition a big deal when non-twinned siblings often compete too? Well, keep in mind that adoption doesn't guarantee an immediate bond between parent and child. That happened within days with us and Zoe, but she had less trauma and was younger than our newest three will be. When P1 and Jocelyn compete in the early days as a family, our bond with Jocelyn will probably be stronger, and we'll have to fight the temptation to side with her.

If you're a mom, you know the feeling when your kid and another kid are fighting and you turn all Mama Bear, protecting your child... when this happens with Jocelyn and P1 early on, my inclination may be to rush to Jocelyn's side because I will have a stronger mother-daughter bond with Jocelyn than I do initially with P1. (Please join us in praying for those bonds to develop quickly and strongly!)

Another concern is comparisons. Kids may compare each other, favorably or unfavorably, while parents and other adults might do so as well. I don't doubt that this will happen. I just don't think it has to be a bad thing... or that comparisons wouldn't happen among kids, no matter their age spread.

We've at times drawn comparisons among Jocelyn, Robbie, and Zoe. It happens.

Overall, I do expect twinning to be a challenging aspect of this adoption. It's one I've discussed with our agency director, our home study social worker, and other families who have twinned before. We're not taking this lightly.

Consider this example, using our two oldest ones: we'll be simultaneously parenting two girls who are nearly the same age (Jocelyn and P1) but who are coming from vastly different experiences in the first 6+ years of life. One has always been in a stable two-parent household and has always had all of her needs met, as well as many wants indulged, while the other... well, hasn't. It won't be easy.

Side note: Okay, I don't really have a side note to insert here, but since  I was a little side-note happy at the beginning of this post, I felt like it was time to add another. Moving on...

Obviously, we've decided it's worth the challenge.

Why?

Well, this quote from an article in the New York Times puts it well:

"Adoption should be about finding families for children, not about finding children for families,” [Joyce Maguire Pavao, the chief executive and founder of the Center for Family Connections in Cambridge, Mass.] said. “In many cases parents are doing this without understanding what the ramifications are. I think it’s fine to do it if people are well aware that doing it may be very difficult."

Our aim in adoption isn't about finding children for our family. It's about being a family for a child (or, in this case, for three children).

That's why, when presented with the needs of our three Ps, we said yes, knowing that we'd be venturing into the realm of artificial twinning.

We're a family. They needed a family. That's good enough for me.

why Uganda?

photo from The Archibald Project, a non-profit advocating for adoption

Well, simply put, because our kids are there.

We didn’t plan for Uganda, just like we didn’t plan for Taiwan.

However, just as our hearts were drawn toward the people of Taiwan and their country through Zoe’s adoption, once again our passions are being stirred for a country and people to whom our next three children will always belong, at least in part.

What have I learned about this country we’re now bonded to?

Child trafficking is common for forced labor and sex trades. (source)

More than a third – 38% - of the people live in extreme poverty, making less than $1.25 a day. (source)

In Uganda, 1.4million people – including 190,000 children – have HIV or AIDS. (source)

Young girls are especially at risk for HIV, because they are more likely to have older male partners – through prostitution or early marriage – and those partners are likely to have had several previous partners. (source)

More than 1million children have been orphaned by AIDS in Uganda. (source)

Every day, more than 400 people in Uganda are diagnosed with HIV. This includes 56 children. (source)

Only 32% of the children in Uganda who need HIV treatment actually receive it. (source)

Average life expectancy is 53.45 years. (source)

Those are just the bleak facts, though. The country is rich in natural resources. It is lush and beautiful. I know personally many beautiful people who live and love and serve Christ there.

And?

It is home to three of my children, which means it will always be part of our family and my heart.

Just as I made a list of bleak facts about Uganda (because, sadly, those are the easiest ones to find), I could make a list of depressing statistics from Taiwan or the United States. Those lists wouldn’t change the love I have for this country and Zoe’s country.

And now? I love Uganda too.