on white privilege and black dolls

The phrase "white privilege" has been thrown around a lot in the wake of recent events. While I'm abstaining from commenting on the whole Zimmerman and Martin tragedy, since our sound-byte culture is more concerned with loud opinions than genuine dialogue, I want to weigh in on my recent confrontations with those two loaded words.

What is white privilege?

I don't intend to fully define the term here, but the response to yesterday's doll post highlights its relevance. Commenter after commenter expressed excitement about dolls that literally and figuratively broke the mold of the typical white-skinned playthings of my childhood.

When it comes to dolls, white privilege means I have a plenitude of options for products that look like me and Jocelyn and others in our ancestry.

This past Christmas, I prepared to order the darling Pottery Barn stockings I had loved for years, as I thought our family was complete. Having long loved the princess and dancer ones, I assumed I would get those for the girls... until I realized none of them resembled Zoe. From my vantage point prior to adoption as a white mother to a white children, I had never noticed the limited options outside of my reflection.

(Side note: I order my PB stocking from Ugly Sofa, which limits the selection but offers them for a fraction of the price because they are castoffs from PB when mistakes are made, like sewing "Robbie" onto the wrong stocking when completing an order. Granted, we probably won't be able to get a Patience stocking there, given the uncommon name, but I found our current five names last year with no problem. Right now, their stock doesn't include personalized stocking, but I expect them to come back closer to the holidays.)

And then we have dolls. I began my love affair with dolls from other cultures concurrently with my dreams of becoming a ventriloquist. The latter never panned out (quite possibly because I was terrible), but I only recently got rid of poor Lester, who was falling apart at the seams.

This was Lester, may he rest in peace. (Yes, I will admit he was creepy, but I loved him.)

My next encounter with doll ethnicity came in college when I took American Women Authors at UNC. In addition to processing 9/11 with my classmates, as the twin towers fell shortly before class began that Tuesday and many of us - myself included - heard the news from Dr. Wagner-Martin, another firm memory from ENGL 446 was The Bluest Eye, as the young black narrator describes:
It had begun with Christmas and the gift of dolls. The big, the special, the loving gift was always a big, blue-eyed Baby Doll. From the clucking sounds of adults, I knew that the doll represented what they thought was my fondest wish. I was bemused with the thing myself, and the way it looked. What was I supposed to do with it?....

I had only one desire: to dismember it. To see what it was made, to discover the dearness, to find the beauty, the desirability that had escaped me, but apparently only me. Adults, older girls, shops, magazines, newspapers, window signs - all the world had agreed that a blue-eyed, yellow-haired, pink-skinned doll was what every girl child treasured. "Here," they said, "this is beautiful, and if you are on this day 'worthy' you may have it"...

I destroyed white baby dolls.

But the dismembering of dolls was not the true horror. The truly horrifying thing was the transference of the same impulses to little white girls. The indifference with which I could have axed them was shaken only by my desire to do so. To discover what eluded me: the secret of the magic they weaved on others. What made people look at them and say, "Awwwww," but not for me?
No, the book doesn't go on to detail a macabre attack on little white girls. But Claudia's perspective as a black child in 1941 is colored by the reality that dolls with her skin tone were conspicuously absent from store shelves. The first anatomically accurate doll like her, the Sara Lee doll, wasn't sold until 1951; even then, Macy's and Saks refused to carry it for fear of attracting too many black customers.

The first "black" Barbie was Francie in 1967, though she was simply a black version of the white Francie; they slapped on brown paint on the same doll made from the white mold. As such,  history usually records Christie from 1968 as the first black Barbie, even though she was still made with a white doll's mold, probably Midge's. 1980 was the year when black Barbies were finally made with brown plastic (albeit in white molds and with the same hair in a darker shade). The most notable black Barbies, in my opinion, are the line of So In Style (S.I.S.) dolls launched in 2009; see some below and others here, and you'll probably notice wider noses, fuller lips, and more diverse hair types and skin shades.





Why does any of this matter?

Because dolls have always been a representation of beauty. When dolls look like us, they affirm our own beauty, and when no dolls can be found in our likeness, that beauty is called into question. After all, it is no small thing that the Bible records us as having been made in God's image. It matters.

(Another notable doll movement is underfoot for ones accurately representing kids with Down syndrome. The design takes into account not just the facial features that accompany that extra 21st chromosome but also the slightly shorter arms and the space between the toes and a few other anatomical features common among children with Trisomy 21. Read more on their website or Facebook page.)

In our household, it matters more in some ways. I don't want Zoe and Patricia and Patience to think they have to have smooth, straight hair because their mother and big sister do. I can't keep them from feeling a conspicuous other-ness at times, looking different from their extended family here.

To a degree, the entire family gets in on that, as we certainly won't fit any norm in family appearances!

I can't make us more typical or match my skin to that of four of my children.

I can, however, make sure that their playthings reflect our family's diversity rather than my own white privilege.

~+~
To learn about my favorite multicultural line of dolls and enter for a chance to win one, go here! The giveaway is live, but it ends Sunday at midnight Eastern time. (Remember: You can get more entries daily by sharing the post on Facebook and Twitter.)

Changing the world, one doll at a time {a Hearts For Hearts Girls giveaway!}

My girls love dolls.

I love different cultures.

So when a line of multicultural dolls teaches about empathy and service toward those in need, I take note.


My mom bought Jocelyn's first one, Consuelo from Mexico (third from the left above). Then Lee's mom bought the next one, Lilian from Belarus (second from the left).

We've had this doll for 18 months. Jocelyn is rough on her toys, 
but Consuelo's hair is tangle-free and clothes (the original outfit, 
plus one additional one I found on clearance at Target) are like new.
Full disclosure: We have lost one earring.

With one more purchase and a generous sampling of dolls for review purposes, we now also own Rahel from Ethiopia, Mosi from the USA (Native American), Shola from Afghanistan, Lauryce from the USA (New Orleans), Dell from the USA (Appalachian mountains in Kentucky), Nahji from India, and Tipi from Laos.


Hearts For Hearts Girls (HFHG)  are inspired by stories of real girls around the world. Each of them has ideas about how to make life better for herself, her family, and community. Each comes with a story printed on the box, a little booklet sharing more about the girl's humanitarian efforts, and additional story details on the HFHG website.


The company making these has clearly thought them through. In their words,
It’s an undeniable fact that girls in many countries struggle against a lack of education, medical care, decent housing, and clean water and food. But when these basic needs are met, those girls achieve amazing things for themselves and their families. Sometimes, all they need is a little help.

Whenever you buy a doll, Hearts For Hearts Girls donates a dollar to our charitable partner, World Vision, for programs that support girls in that country. Whether it’s malaria nets in Africa, schoolbooks in Asia, or food supplies in the US, these programs help girls to thrive and succeed.
Love. it. 


 




When American Girl dolls came out, I was past the doll stage... but still. I devoured the books and hoped Mom would get me a doll anyway.

(A generation later, she did make good on my doll hopes, as Jocelyn's Kit doll was under the Christmas tree last year and Patience's Addy doll is waiting in the wings for this December.)

These dolls, though? I think they are an even better choice. The construction is excellent, the design is superb, and if one gets left at the park or chewed on by the dog? The replacement cost is much lower. (They retail for $24.99 at Target stores and online, on Amazon online, and at select Barnes & Noble stores. Sometimes they're listed for more than that on Amazon, but if so, just wait it out until another seller - who isn't trying to make more than the usual profit - has the doll in stock for the list price.)



And the stories? They teach our girls invaluable lessons about needs around the world while encouraging them to make a difference right where they are. (Plus you can feel good, knowing that $1 from each doll purchase goes to World Vision to support girls in the doll's home country/community!)


Enough about the dolls.... want one of your own? Playmates Toys is letting me host a giveaway of not one but TWO dolls - one Mosi and one Shola - here on the blog. Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Fine print: Some of the dolls in this post were sent to us for review after I contacted the manufacturer about my plans for this post. My opinions are all my own, plus I planned to write about the dolls whether or not they sponsored a giveaway or provided review dolls. Winners will be notified within 48 hours of the end of the giveaway period, and winners will need to provide their mailing address for the doll to be sent directly to them from Playmates Toys. 

why is it so hard to find multicultural toys?

As a teacher in South Texas - where my middle school of 1600 students had 3 white kids and 6 Filipino kids and the rest Hispanic - I saw the results of being isolated in your own culture. I was an outsider. Many of my students had never met a black person and thought it was acceptable to refer to my black program director as "the n***** who came to watch you teach."

They had no clue that they were using a bad word, having only the context of rap music to educate them on black culture.

Now we live in a predominately white area of town and go to a mostly white church. That makes it a bit more difficult to ensure that our children are educated about other cultures through real-life interactions and not just external media. To that end, we made a point to find a school that (a) taught a foreign language daily, (b) had a diverse population in which the achievement gap between white and non-white students and between economically disadvantaged (E.D.) and Not E.D. students was lower than average for our area, and (c) included children with special needs in their population. For us, those were our most important criteria in choosing a school.

Our family's life verse is Micah 6:8:  
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
In fact, here's a sneak peek at two shirts that we'll be selling soon to raise adoption funds...


More details to come soon on pre-ordering yours... plus one more design based on Proverbs 3:27, which will include kid sizes too!

To us, we're not doing justice or loving kindness or walking humbly with God when we support a system that lacks equity in educational opportunities across racial, socioeconomic, and disability categories.

When we first considered educational options for our kids, including the early learning environment in our home, we were white parents (still are!) to two white children (still have them, but have added our little one from Taiwan and are in the process of adding three more from Uganda). So when we were expecting Jocelyn's birth, we tried to find a range of multicultural toys for her at consignment sales and online. We wanted the beautiful hues of skin God has created introduced early and often, normalized in one way by her daily playthings.

And? 

I was disappointed by the few options available at mainstream retailers, who usually carry a wide assortment of dolls and books and toys with my skin color but just a token few with any darker tones.

It's gotten better, but I still have to go out of my way to find products that are multiethnic, especially ones that reflect the varying shades now (and soon to be) represented in our own family. Tomorrow I'll be starting a series of posts on my favorite multicultural toys (including a couple giveaways from my friends at Hearts for Hearts dolls; CLICK HERE to go to their Facebook page, because liking it will be good for one entry in the giveaway!).

Please, please, please leave a comment if you have a multicultural toy or book or resource recommendation for me! I'd love to include more in this blog series (and check them out for my own colorful family).

I'm not uncomfortable with the psalms of lament. {Actually, I'm encouraged by them.}

Our pastors are preaching through a series on Ruth right now. We're about to get to chapter four, which is where we find the good stuff we like: a wedding. a birth. redemption. promise. hope.

During the sermon on Ruth 1 a couple weeks ago (which I would HIGHLY recommend; here's the link), Brian Frost admitted that we prefer the stories in Ruth 4 over the ones in Ruth 1. We like celebrations; we avoid mourning. I've noticed too that we love to quote psalms of praise and thanksgiving and wisdom, but the psalms of lament? 

Sometimes we treat those like they aren't from the same inerrant Bible as the happier ones.

My friends, the Bible - and life - is not all thanksgiving and Ruth 4. Sometimes it's lament and Ruth 1.

We like to be chipper and cheery, but sometimes our pithy responses sound like, "Screw you and your pain," to those who are hurting. Sometimes the cliches feel less like encouragement and more like a sucker punch.

I know most folks mean well, but sometimes I wonder: if Jesus's lament from the cross, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" had been posted on Facebook, how many people would have replied "Chin up, buddy!" or "This too shall pass" or "I know you're in pain now, but it'll be all fine in a few days. Hang in there!"

{Is it sinful that I just chuckled at the unintended pun of saying "hang in there" to our God on the cross? Forgive me.}

"Look on the bright side" doesn't respond to a mother's exhaustion when her daughter with autism tries to escape from the house every night, not understanding the danger of her actions. "There's a light at the end of the tunnel" doesn't help the parent wondering what the future will be for her son with Down syndrome or the dad taking his son home from the hospital without any firm answers for the fifteenth time. "One day at a time" isn't comforting to adoptive parents who know their child is sick but who must wait out the legal process before bringing him home to needed medical care. And "tough times don't last, but tough people do" is a slap in the face to the missionary fighting bureaucratic red tape just to get on a plane to mourn her father's unexpected death in the US while she faithfully poured into others in Taiwan. 

Those are just a sampling of my friends' circumstances in the past week. 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, other than to say this: Our theology is incomplete if we only celebrate and never mourn. We've edited out huge chunks of scripture when we encourage people to live their best lives now. We're creating idols if we worship miraculous healings rather than the Healer who sometimes, for reasons all His own, chooses not to heal us on this side of heaven.

Pictures like the one below make our lives look perfect.


You probably already realize this, but that picture? It was the best shot. And even then, it was edited. Our photographer made us look good.

That's great for photography, but not so great for theology. We don't have to cover up our bruises and hide our imperfections and sugarcoat our real pain when we stand before Christ or before fellow saints in His bride, the church. 

Let's be real with one another, setting aside the trite pseudo-encouragements and Photoshopped conversations that we'd prefer. 

Come as you are. If you're mourning or lamenting, you have good company among me and my friends... and among the writers God used to author the Bible. 

meet Pluto! {she's no NV, but I like her better}

We named her Pluto, because she's only slightly smaller than a planet.


See the little black circles on the bumper? They're back-up sensors. If you live in Raleigh, you'll be glad I have those.


As huge as she is, she's only a foot longer than Lee's work Suburban. I drive that just fine, so this isn't as intimidating as I thought it would be.


The cockpit (okay, maybe it's just the driver's seat, but given the size of Pluto, I think "cockpit" works)  is just like other 15-passenger Ford E350s.


But the back? Nope.


Forget most of the benches, and instead you get captain's chairs with one bench in the back for seating for 10.

In case you're wondering, the plan - using the picture above - is for Zoe to be front left, one of the big girls to be front right, the other big girl to be middle left, Patricia to be middle right, and the boys to be on the bench in the back.



The current bench could move back and we could add the spare bench - a three seater that will probably live in the attic - where the current bench is. We don't need for the vehicle to seat 13, though, and I like my cargo space, so we're keeping it as it is.


I have no idea how this picture is useful, but our friend Chad might like it, so here you go. Chad will also care that it's a 2011, that has 47,000 miles on it, and that it's not a Mercedes (though he already figured out that last one, I'm sure.)


And, yes, for the first time ever, the Dingle crew has a DVD player in the car. I know we've done a couple road trips to South Texas, one to Nashville, a few to Florida, and a handful of others, but we tend to go low-tech when roadtripping. I'd rather not have the screen, but the price and everything else about Pluto worked for us, so I'm okay with it. If you're in the market, here's the place where we found ours; they usually have a good selection at the best prices and with the best features I've seen.

The cost was considerably less than the NV, and I like the set-up of this better, so it's a win all around.

Plus, another win: no more "what kind of vehicle should we get?" conversations and Facebook posts now that Pluto has joined the family!