why I'm not going to my senior prom {Kelsey's 2012 post about why she chose Joy Prom instead}

/

Kelsey posted this on her own blog two years and one week ago. She has graciously agreed to let me repost it, and I'm thankful that our friend Heather captured some wonderful dance floor pictures that I could include at the end! 

 (If you missed it, here's the post from a couple years ago where I introduced Kelsey, and here and here are other guest posts from her. And here's Kelsey's follow-up to this post.)

Recently, I’ve heard a lot of reasons why I’m not going to prom.

That’s right, from other people. I just want to clear the air.

It was not an act of defiance. I am not skipping out on prom because I’m too cool or too hipster or because I think anything badly of the whole concept of prom.

It was not because my last boyfriend and I recently broke up and I’m too heartbroken to go outside. How lame is that?

It was not because I couldn’t get a date. It was not based on my own insecurity.

It was not because I am afraid of seeing people who I used to hold close to my heart there. I am not spineless.

It was not because my last prom experience was terrible. It was actually pretty decent.

It was not because my mom said I couldn’t go or because I am too tired or because of any other reason besides this:

I have something else to do. Something I have to do. Not because I am some sort of prom martyr, but because I have a passion. Because I am someone fortunate enough to truly love to do something, and even more blessed to know exactly what that is.

I should give a backstory. (I actually wrote my college essay about this)

When I was in tenth grade, I had my heart set on going to prom with this guy. Things didn’t work out between us, and he decided to take someone else instead, and that crushed me. I searched all over for a different prom to go to, and my mom directed me to one that my church was having for people with special needs.

Now I was scared of people with special needs. I thought they were out of their minds and dangerous. But, for the sake of being able to look pretty for a night, I went.

I loved it. I spent the night with some absolutely amazing people, talking dancing and singing and having a marvelous time. But the thing is, it wasn’t about me anymore. I threw aside my social inhibitions and focused on giving these wonderful, unappreciated people the fabulous time they deserve. Here is my original post from the night.

Person after person I encountered at joy prom confirmed this new passion I had unearthed. I love people with special needs. They are the most joyful and trusting and humble and lovely human beings you will ever meet, and they are so often looked down upon, when in reality they are people just like us who want to be seen as something more than their disorder. I want them to know that the love of Christ envelops them and covers a multitude of sins, and one way to convey that is to love them with a love that transcends all understanding - despite every social barrier. I could go on about this, but I’ll save it for another post. I’ve spent the last two years working with kids with special needs, making sure that they feel valued and loved and important just like everyone else, and it is undoubtedly something I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

I know what you’re thinking. This is just one of those human rights things that teenage girls get into. But this is no kony 2012 deal. This is a present issue that people are facing every single day, and I have a good bit of proof for you if you want it. This is something you can change, and really, something I can change.

So this year, I’m going to joy prom. I’m sure going to miss dressing up and looking nice and riding around town with my date and taking pictures and eating great food and dancing with my friends and staying up all night at a breakfast with my senior class. But I know that in 20 years, this time I had wont matter one bit. But the fulfillment I get from helping someone disgustingly undervalued feel like a prince or a princess for a night will last for far longer.

I am in no way condemning prom - I am merely stating the call on my life. My sacrifice is not for attention, and I do not write this to call attention to myself or to be dramatic - I simply want you all to know the truth. That I am not going to my senior prom because I am going to be partaking of my life’s passion.

Really, it’s no sacrifice at all.




5 reasons why I'm not interested in seeing Mom's Night Out

/

1. I'm not much of a movie-goer anyway.


Seriously, as a freshman in high school, my midterm for my acting class was to write a review of a movie I had seen in the theaters that semester... and my mom and I had to go to the movies that night because I hadn't seen any. Lee and I have been married for nearly nine years, and we've seen less than one movie in theaters each year (and that's including Tangled and The Lorax with kids).

Why would I go and sit uncomfortably close to strangers in a dark place with a too-loud soundtrack and icky sticky floors when I can wait to watch it in my own home? I just don't get it.

That said, I do look forward to many Netflix releases, so my theater-phobia isn't my only reason to not be interested in this one.

2. Pro-motherhood messages are great, but not at the expense of bashing fathers.


I'm all for the affirmation of stay-at-home moms and motherhood in general, but not if it requires bashing husbands/daddies in the process. For starters, here's the blurb describing the movie:
All Allyson and her friends want is a peaceful, grown-up evening of dinner and conversation . . . a long-needed moms’ night out. But in order to enjoy high heels, adult conversation and food not served in a paper bag, they need their husbands to watch the kids for three hours—what could go wrong?
Let's see, just from the trailer: one dad whines when he hears his wife is going out. one dad leaves the baby with someone unreliable and then it seems that part of the movie is spent finding said baby. the dads go together to a place where the kids can get their hands stamped and be trapped from leaving because the idea of parenting without some exterior back-up is too much. one dad calls his wife to tell her, in a bumblingly foolish way, that he's headed to the ER. two dads are saran-wrapped together at one point. oh, and another guy - not a dad - is a cop who accidentally shoots one of the moms with a stun gun.

All that combines to say this: Women, the fathers of our children are buffoons. You ought to be celebrated, because guys are such morons they could never do your job.

And to be honest, I'm offended by that. My husband gladly mans the house without me so I can do a good number of things outside of our home. I go to book club every other week, travel for speaking engagements every couple months, have coffee with a friend one or two evenings a month, and an evening meeting here or there. I've yet to take all six kids to the grocery store, while he's done it a half dozen times. I was down and out with a stomach bug on the day we'd scheduled all six kids to go to the dentist - many for the first time ever - and he didn't cancel; no, he stepped up and did it.

And? I know a lot of other amazing dads in our circle of friends, so I'm not buying into the "but a lot of dads are like that" excuse for belittling fathers.

One reviewer penned, "Usually I despise the whole sitcom dad-incompetence we see over and over again. I really do miss the Bill Cosby style of father. But in Moms’ Night Out, the incompetence was integral to the goal of the plot." Um, and how does that make it okay? I'm just not seeing it.

3. I don't buy the hype that it's my Christian responsibility to support a Christian film.


What is a "Christian" film anyway? Last I checked, films don't make professions of faith any more than musics or clothing or jewelry or any other inanimate object does.

Sure, it's PG. Sure, I hear there's the cliche Christian film altar call embedded in there. Sure, there's a pastor's wife and a young Christian stay-at-home mom.

But I still - even if I didn't feel like it presented an unbiblical representation of responsible fatherhood - don't have to support it any more than I need to feel more inclined to use a Christian plumber just because he's a Christian. Sure, I'm all for throwing business toward someone in my faith, but you know what? I'm primarily concerned with whether or not he's a good plumber.

Same goes for movies. I don't have an obligation to support something just because it's made by Christians with some Christian messages throughout. Is it a good movie? That's what I care about.

And please, before you boast that it's lacking all the objectionable things of other films, like profanity and nudity and sexual innuendo, backtrack to my second point where I make it clear that I find it plenty objectionable to portray dads as fools.

4. I have four girls, and I hope some or all of them become mothers.


And I hope they marry men who, like their Daddy, man up when it comes to being a father and flinch when people dare to say they're "babysitting" when mom leaves the house for a bit. No, as Lee is quick to point out, that's called BEING A DAD.

I want my girls (and boys) to know that they don't have to bash one thing in order to show merit in another.

5. I have two boys, who I expect will be fathers one day.


And I hope I never reinforce the world's poor image of fatherhood in my desire to show them the importance of motherhood.

Finally...
I know many of you have seen the film and raved about, and that's fine. Truly. My sensitivity to this might be higher than yours, while your sensitivity to other issues in other films or TV shows is probably higher than mine. To each his or her own.

But after seeing approximately one million posts telling me that I MUST SEE THIS MOVIE, I wanted to take a moment to explain why I'm passing on this one.

Because this guy and so many others ROCK at being a dad and not just a punchline.


reflections from Joy Prom 2014: your ministry isn't about you

/

I was reminded of a sweet lesson last week, as our church held the 10th Joy Prom, a night to celebrate our guests whose differences are more often ignored and an opportunity to live out Luke 14.

This lovely couple asked my friend Sherri Callery to take their picture.
All the pictures in this post are courtesy of her skills, love, and generosity!

Actually, the lesson began months earlier.

When the first Joy Prom meetings began, we were newly home from Uganda, as a family of 8 whereas we had been a family of 5 before that trip. Lee and I simply weren't ready to jump in to our old roles, him in charge of facilities and security and me helping Katie with training and volunteer support as well as overall behind-the-scenes execution on the big night.

No, this isn't how our Worship Center usually looks.

We still expected to help as the event got closer and closer, but then Patu had a breathing emergency that was ultimately diagnosed as asthma on the day of the first Joy Prom volunteer training.

He carried that corsage around all night...
until he found his lovely date.

Then I was there for the next one, but I had to cut out early as Robbie had thrown up earlier in the day and I didn't want to leave Lee alone with six kids if one was potentially ill.

can your youth pastor pull this outfit off?
yeah, I didn't think so. Pastor Bryan rocks.

Then came the day of Joy Prom. I thought I was having a worse time recovering from a tooth extraction than expected but by the time Joy Prom kicked off, I was hit with a bout of what Robbie had earlier in the week... so as the guests and volunteers danced the night away, Lee cancelled our babysitter, and I hung out near a bathroom, watching The West Wing for approximately the millionth time.

hey, Mr. DJ...

Please, don't feel sorry for us, though! We're on the mend, and it was a lesson we needed to learn: that God doesn't need us to do His work.
Smiles all around!

We love to serve, but when we aren't able to do so, God can provide someone else.

Her reaction every time footage of her and her friends showed up on the big screen!

It isn't our ministry.

It's His.

We roll out the red carpet. Literally.

And as the Facebook and Twitter and Instagram posts shared the wonderful stories of Joy Prom 2014, I was sad not to be there, but even more strongly I was once again thankful that God's work in and through and among His people isn't up to me.

Listen y'all, we're Southern Baptist. If we can set aside our hang-ups to show Christ's love to an under-loved population,
what might your church need to set aside to do the same?

He is faithful, and He is enough.

Now, enjoy a little bit of the festivities... 

“When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”
- Jesus (as recorded in Luke 14:12-14)

our chore charts

/
When I mentioned these on Facebook, my friends all wanted details and pictures and such. So here goes...

This all started with this post, outlining an amazing tutorial for making chore charts. I used her instructions, though the frames I got were different and the digital papers I used were different and the font I used was different and the magnets I bought from an Etsy store because I like pretty + pictures (plus pictures are easier for kids, especially the non-readers, to understand).

Without further ago, here's the side of our fridge:


Before I cut to close ups, please rest assured that I know that I suck at Mod Podge. I might re-do these later, but I'm in no rush. They aren't perfect, but they work just fine.

The top section is zones. Each week, a different kid is assigned to a different zone. Our zones are front room, hallways, kitchen, family room, sunroom, and yard. (Yes, hallways are small, but tripping over stuff in the hall is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, so it's worth it.)


I bought six name magnets for $7 plus shipping on Etsy.


Then come the child-specific charts, with these magnets, also from Etsy at 20 magnets for $11.50.







 And, yes, Zoe has chores. I do realize she can't walk or sit up independently or crawl, much less make her bed or feed pets or anything like that. But? She's 2.5. And our other kids started doing basic chores at her age. So, she does too. (With help.)

Now the kids get excited about "magnet time!" (Not "chore time," because that's no fun. Obviously.)

I think that's it, but I'm sure I'm probably forgetting something, so let me know if you have any questions!

(Oh, just remembered one detail: I used 3M mounting strips to put the frames on the fridge. See, I told you I'd forget something!)