the hot dog that broke the momma's back
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It was a hot dog that did me in.
Friends who know me well have been checking in on me, making sure that I am holding up under all the change. They are the friends who knew what I needed them to know before I posted about it. And they are the friends who knew the toll that all this change would have on me, even before I realized it.
But I doubt any of them would have guessed that a hot dog would be my undoing.
Lee heated it up for me for lunch. I was looking forward to eating it. That is, until I realized that our ketchup and mustard are at the old house.
That, my friend, was the straw that broke this camel's back.
As Lee put the hot dog back in the container, knowing that I don't eat hot dogs without my ketchup and mustard, I started crying. He asked if I was okay. I told him I didn't know.
"I'm just tired of living an in between life!" I sobbed. "I have a hot dog, but I can't eat it. We're in the new house, but not really because all our stuff isn't here. We're adopting, but we don't have Zoe yet. It feels like we're holding our breath and about to pass out but we can't inhale yet."
And then it hit me, a line from a book I reviewed almost two years ago.
I'm still feeling shaky, but I know that my foundation, which is Christ, is solid. Because of that, I'm not rushing the wait. Before we hit the full heat of summer, our new home will be complete with all our stuff and all three of our children. Oh, how I long for that!
But I'm resolved to cherish the wait because I know God is purposeful. I know that this is all part of His good work being completed in me. I know that all things - including the "not yets" of life - work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose.
I know many of you are praying for the "not yets" to be over soon, and so am I. Thank you for those prayers.
But would you also join me in praying for the work God is accomplishing in our family as we wait and praying that we would not miss out on any of that by worshiping the idol that is our own desired timetable?
Thanks.
~+~
And don't worry: I found something else to eat for lunch, Lee will be getting the ketchup and mustard when he picks up a load at the old house tonight, and a sweet friend is taking the kids for the day tomorrow.
And, most importantly, God is still good. He still would be even if I had no lunch, ketchup, mustard, or childcare, and He still will be even if the "not yet" period lasts longer than I would like.
Friends who know me well have been checking in on me, making sure that I am holding up under all the change. They are the friends who knew what I needed them to know before I posted about it. And they are the friends who knew the toll that all this change would have on me, even before I realized it.
But I doubt any of them would have guessed that a hot dog would be my undoing.
Lee heated it up for me for lunch. I was looking forward to eating it. That is, until I realized that our ketchup and mustard are at the old house.
That, my friend, was the straw that broke this camel's back.
As Lee put the hot dog back in the container, knowing that I don't eat hot dogs without my ketchup and mustard, I started crying. He asked if I was okay. I told him I didn't know.
"I'm just tired of living an in between life!" I sobbed. "I have a hot dog, but I can't eat it. We're in the new house, but not really because all our stuff isn't here. We're adopting, but we don't have Zoe yet. It feels like we're holding our breath and about to pass out but we can't inhale yet."
And then it hit me, a line from a book I reviewed almost two years ago.
“..., this is only evidence of our semi-eschatological conundrum, wherein we, along with creation, groan for the full enjoyment of a redemption that we possess now only in part (Eph. 1:7, 14). In this very Abba-confession the rock of the ‘already’ meets the hard place of the ‘not yet,’ for it is due to the present awareness of our sonship that we can call God ‘Father,’ but it is because this adoption has yet to be consummated that this bold affirmation comes in the form of a fervent cry.” (p. 175, Dual Citizens: Worship and Life Between the Already and the Not YetWe are not called to be comfortable. If we are mindful of the already but not yet world in which we live, we will constantly feel the tension that comes from knowing the promises of God but not experiencing all of them on this side of heaven. We who know we belong to Christ long to see Him face to face; we know He has won the victory over sin (by His crucifixion) and death (by His resurrection), yet we still inhabit a world smeared with both.by Jason Stellman; italics his)
I'm still feeling shaky, but I know that my foundation, which is Christ, is solid. Because of that, I'm not rushing the wait. Before we hit the full heat of summer, our new home will be complete with all our stuff and all three of our children. Oh, how I long for that!
But I'm resolved to cherish the wait because I know God is purposeful. I know that this is all part of His good work being completed in me. I know that all things - including the "not yets" of life - work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose.
I know many of you are praying for the "not yets" to be over soon, and so am I. Thank you for those prayers.
But would you also join me in praying for the work God is accomplishing in our family as we wait and praying that we would not miss out on any of that by worshiping the idol that is our own desired timetable?
Thanks.
~+~
And don't worry: I found something else to eat for lunch, Lee will be getting the ketchup and mustard when he picks up a load at the old house tonight, and a sweet friend is taking the kids for the day tomorrow.
And, most importantly, God is still good. He still would be even if I had no lunch, ketchup, mustard, or childcare, and He still will be even if the "not yet" period lasts longer than I would like.