on being in over my head, loving our kids, and abiding in Christ #D62012

I'm in over my head right now.

In a beautifully, wonderfully, grace-filled sort of way.

I get to be Zoe's mom.

Being her mom is freeing. I don't care what the growth or developmental norms are, because I know she's going to pave her own path, given the circumstances and brain injury that God ordained for her. She is growing and moving and doing so many things that specialists didn't think she would. 

I get to love our first two children, and see them blossom in ways that include compassion for classmates and soccer practices and museum visits and Chinese and Spanish lessons. You see, they too are paving their own paths, each in the direction where God is leading.

Jocelyn plans to be a wife and mom who serves as a missionary in another country and who also writes and illustrates children's books. She's planning to have three children, and she says at least one will be adopted, "but maybe not from Taiwan, because there are kids in other countries and in our country who need families."

Robbie doesn't plan ahead. He's my in-the-moment kid. Part of it is his age (3), and part of it is his personality. When he grows up, he says he's going to be a dinosaur. And a daddy. Naturally.

Our church's special needs ministry - called Access Ministry - is growing too. We have more volunteer needs than ever before, but God is providing for those through sweet, sweet folks. We have new families coming. We have the honor of serving and helping these families find places to serve.

I get to raise our sweet kids and lead in ministry with the man I love more than any other. It's precious to serve in parenting and the church and life with the one who gave me his heart and his last name. 

Next week, I'll travel to the D6 2012, the (in my humble opinion) best family discipleship conference around, to present two sessions on special needs ministry. If I can swing it (i.e. if a kind soul at a ticket desk is willing to switch my flight to come home earlier without charging me change fees that are as costly as my tickets were originally),  I'll come back before the conference ends so that I can see my big girl dance at her school's Hispanic Heritage Festival. 

And if not, I'll be there for the whole conference, getting sweet reminders of God's first calling for me, which is to abide in Him.

Yep, Abide is the theme for D6. It's also the theme for my life right now. 

Writing is happening, mostly in other places than this blog. Writing will return here, though probably not with the daily regularity that it used to be, at least not for a while. I can't offer a timeline, because I just don't know what it is right now.

I'm simply abiding in Him, and moving forward one step and one day at a time.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. {John 15:4-5}

Yes, I'm in over my head. But I'm clinging to the vine, so it's a good place to be.