adoption and special needs: praying for Kirill

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My husband and I plan to adopt. We'll begin that process once we finish renovating our third floor in the next couple years to add a couple additional bedrooms in what is now attic space. And our plan is that we'll adopt either a sibling group of 2-3 children or a child with special needs (and possibly a sibling group with a child with special needs). God may circumvent those plans, which is a-okay with us because we want Him to reign in our lives. He has placed this desire and passion in our hearts and the Bible is clear about God's love for adoption, though, so we expect that our family of four will be growing in that way in a few years' time.

As such, we prayed along with a sweet family from our church last year when they had major challenges cutting through the red tape to bring home their Ugandan daughter Edith. And we rejoiced when she joined the rest of the family almost a year ago!

And we are praying now for the Davis family and sweet Kirill in Russia. The picture to the left, which I found here, is of Gary and Tesney Davis with Kirill, a sweet boy who they expected to adopt in a court visit on St. Patrick's Day during their second visit to Russia. (He also happens to have Down syndrome.)

Instead, in a part of the world where children with Down syndrome are generally hidden away in institutions, the judge rejected their petition for adoption on the grounds that his disability made him better suited for an institution than an adoptive family. The Davises were told that they were suitable to adopt in every way and that they would be approved to adopt a "typical" child instead if they wanted.

The thing is, though, that they want Kirill. They love Kirill. They already consider him to be part of their family. They posted the two pictures below on their blog, in the same way that I post pictures of our children on our family's blog.

They have experience with young children - Tesney's degree is in early education - and with people with special needs - actively working with several special needs groups in Alabama. In other words, they aren't naive in their desire to adopt a child with a disability.

Before they left Alabama for Russia earlier this month, their four-year-old son Clayton - without prompting from Tesney or Greg - dumped out his toys and separated them into two piles, one for him to keep and one to give to Kirill. Clayton still doesn't know that Kirill might not being coming home with his mommy and daddy, because Tesney and Greg know it would devastate him and because they are still hoping and praying that he will be coming home.

Right now, they are in the process of appealing to the Supreme Court in Russia, and they expect the date for that will be in the first week or two of April. Two more families who haven't had court dates yet are currently trying to adopt children with Down syndrome from the same part of Russia and are expected to have the same judge that denied Kirill's adoption.

I don't know this family, but I've done enough fact-checking on the case that I feel confident about sharing this with y'all. (Side note: isn't it sad that I need to fact check for something like this? But I do know that some people takes advantage of others, so - when I heard about this a week ago - I wanted to get more details before I was willing to share it.) As I write and speak about special needs ministry in the church, I'm not talking about one church building or one denomination. Church, in a biblical sense, is much bigger than that. We don't just go to church; we - the body of believers in Christ - are the church.

So please join me in caring about this part of our church body, even though I don't know them and you probably don't either: Pray. Fast. Ask others to pray. Share this information. If you have contacts who you're willing to contact, please do so and/or pass them along to Tesney through the email option on her blog (link below).

And stay informed:
The Facebook page
The Davis family blog, with the specific post about the judge's rejection here

(And here's another great post about this from my bloggy friend, Tammy.)


Thank you.

Here are two updates that followed this post: 

"But what if we don't have someone with your background at our church?" (part 2 of 2)

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Yesterday, I posted part 1 of this post. (If you missed it, click here to read that first!) It focused on the qualities necessary for a special needs ministry coordinator. This is the promised second half, explaining why my certifications and degrees don't always amount to much on Sunday mornings, because...

(2) My prior experience isn't always helpful.

Let me qualify that statement with two stories:
  • One Sunday, we had a child - who I'll call Brandon - join us. His family attends our church regularly, but they often have a neighbor watch Brandon instead of bringing him with them, so we had only seen him a handful of times before this particular Sunday. He has both Down syndrome and autism, a combination often abbreviated as DS+ASD. And that Sunday, whenever he was unhappy and couldn't communicate why, he spat. His one-on-one buddy brought him to me, unsure of what to do, after he had spat on blocks, at the guitar, at other children, and in the volunteer's face. I crouched down next to Brandon, and before I could begin talking to him, he spat in my face too.

    Did I know what to do? No. Was my training particular useful in that moment? Not a whole lot.

    So, as I talked to him, I prayed. A lot. I asked God to help me communicate in a way that made sense to Brandon, because I knew that this unsanitary behavior needed to change. I wasn't sure if he understood as we reentered the class, but I stayed with him and his buddy for the rest of the class, which was less than ten minutes. And he didn't spit again. (Thanks be to God!)
  • The other great example is when I introduced myself to a mom. As I shared a little about my background with her, I unintentionally made myself seem like the great expert instead of a servant humbly seeking information from her about her child. I always intend to be a student of our families, and I wasn't in this instance. She saw that, and she made it pretty clear that she didn't appreciate it. It wasn't my best moment, and thankfully we've recovered from it...but I point it out to demonstrate that knowledge and experience can be a curse rather than a blessing if it isn't tempered with humility and a James 1:19 attitude (quick to listen, slow to speak).
So, in short, my answer is this: I'm not great. God is great. I'm not the guiding force in our ministry. God is.

While my background helps and while I know other special needs ministry coordinators with similar backgrounds, it's not necessary. Because, experienced or not, it's God who is ultimately in control. If we truly believe that there is a biblical basis for special needs ministry, then we also can believe that God is able to provide and equip the right person to lead it at your church.

That may be someone on your staff (like Eden, who I mentioned yesterday), that may be a volunteer (like me), that may be someone who is already involved in your children's ministry (like I was), or that may be someone you don't know (like most of our one-on-one volunteers were until they responded to a blurb in the bulletin).

Pray for that person. And pray expecting God to provide the volunteers needed in His perfect timing.

"But what if we don't have someone with your background at our church?" (part 1 of 2)

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Yes, I have a master's degree in special education. Yes, I taught for about four years. Yes, I used to work for an educational non-profit, creating training materials for special educators.

And, yes, all of that helps me coordinate special needs ministry at my church.

As such, one of the questions that comes up when I talk to folks is, "What if we don't have someone with that background here?" And my answer usually has two parts.

(1) You don't have to have prior experience related to special education to do this.

Sure, it can help. But Amy Fenton Lee at The Inclusive Church and Eden Hutchins at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church's Green Light Ministry are two women who I respect deeply and who excel in doing special needs ministry without the training and experience I have.

Here is my must have list for someone coordinating special needs ministry:
  • A belief that this matters, that special needs ministry is important
  • A willingness to do hard things, because it's not always easy (but it is worth it!)
  • A desire to communicate with parents with humility, because while you should partner with parents in children's ministry no matter what, it becomes an absolute must when you're working with kids with special needs
  • A resourceful approach to networking with others who know more: at other churches, in social agencies and non-profits, and on the Internet.
(And, by the way, I have written this geared more toward children's ministry, but I don't mean to dismiss ministry to adults as well. We currently have more adults with disabilities than children with them at our church, so I don't ever intend to define special needs ministry as something that only relates to children. Whenever it seems as if I'm defaulting to a children's ministry focus, that's primarily because most churches begin special needs ministry with children and then expand from there.

If you're seeking someone to coordinate ministry with adults, then the third item on the list still applies, though it would be better to say "communicate with the adult with special needs with humility and respect. " Also, you could possibly insert "group home staff" or "case manager" or "family members" instead of "parents" when that applies.)


Come back tomorrow for the second part of this, the second reason why my experience isn't vital to (and sometimes doesn't help me a whole lot in) my role as special needs ministry coordinator!

When it hits home

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At the end of my last post, I said that I would be posting yesterday about the qualities you want in a special needs ministry coordinator. That post is still coming, just not yesterday and probably not today.

Why?

Because this post is begging to be written first.


This is my upward view every other month. Why? Because I was ushered into the world of special needs in a personal way after the birth of my daughter.

My special needs are called Hashimoto's disease and rheumatoid arthritis, both of which are thankfully under control right now. Part of my RA being under control involves IV drugs every eight weeks. That's nothing compared to the medical baggage carried by many families with special needs, and - as long as my conditions are under control - I don't feel sick most of the time, and I only experience small limitations to mobility.

Even though I knew I would be hanging out with my IV tech yesterday, I didn't know that I would get a follow-up call. If you or anyone in your family has a medically-related special need, you probably know this feeling well: I hate seeing my doctor's office pop up on caller ID shortly after an appointment. In this case, it's that my bloodwork is not looking good for my liver and gallbladder. We've been down this road a bit before, so it wasn't completely unexpected. Except that it kind of was, because I thought we traveled that road for the last time in the fall.

I share this not to request prayer (though I certainly would appreciate that!) but to share a little example of what I hear from families with special needs at our church. Some weeks, months, years are good. Some are more difficult. In some moments, families forget about the special needs in their families, but in other moments they are much more obvious and in your face.

I have great doctors, and I have some appointments, including more tests and an ultrasound, scheduled with them to sort this out. I have great support in my husband and family and friends. I have a wonderful church family that loves us and prays for us and allows us to serve.

Life is good. It's just not always easy.

But God is good. Always. And His yoke is easy, His burden light, His rule sovereign, and His ways perfect.