The YES

Several weeks ago, a guy I respect in disability ministry wrote a series of posts about an informal online survey he did with parents of kids with special needs. Michael Woods - who is also the dad of three boys with autism spectrum disorders - is skilled at fostering community, so he was in a good position to conduct that survey, yielding far more responses than I would have gotten if I attempted the same thing! Of the 136 who responded, 25% attended a church with a special needs ministry program, 20% attended a church without a formal or defined program, and 55% didn't attend at all. He commended the churches in that 20% group for welcoming families, even without a program, He also suggested in the next post that even if a church is finding ways to welcome people with special needs, it's still better to have a program than not to have one.

I respectfully disagree about that last opinion. (However, he raises good points, so I think it's a good idea to follow those links to see what he has to say!)

Before I get into why, though, let me share another post with you from another guy who I respect in disability ministry. What Dr. Grcevich wrote was a little different, though: a proposition that any church, even one who doesn't "do programs," can find a way to welcome families with special needs.

I'm going to chime in now with a couple thoughts. First, I think it may be healthier in some churches not to have a defined program. I've seen the definition of a program change the mindset of the church; sometimes the presence of a program makes the body of Christ in that church start thinking it's ________ program staff/volunteers' job to welcome those folks instead of it's on all of us to show love. Please don't get me wrong; it's not the program that causes the problem. It's the perception of the people. But it happens. Also, I've seen programs become a way of excluding people with special needs instead of including them. Once again, it's not the presence of the program that causes this division, but it happens.

Conversely, though, programs communicate something that a more organic model often doesn't. In the special needs world, lots of programs exist to coordinate health care and education and other aspects of life with a disability, so individuals with special needs (and, where applicable, their families and/or caregivers) may expect programs. Additionally, it defines a commitment and often communicates that commitment in a different way. For example, my husband and I found our current church through its website, and that site - like many church websites - has a place to click to find out about ministries offered there. If a special needs ministry is listed in that place or visibly integrated into pages for other ministries, that communicates something that a simple statement of welcome might not.

As for the churches who were somehow including children with special needs without having formal programs, maybe they're doing the simple church thing that was discussed in Dr. G's post. Maybe not. Maybe they're doing special needs ministry well without a program in place. Maybe they're not.

What I do know is that they are doing something right, whether or not they have a program. Those families showed up, and there was a place for their kid(s). In whatever way they did it, those churches said yes.

That's what special needs ministry is. It's not programs and policies and intake forms and respite nights and curriculum and modifications and all those trappings that support it. (Not to say, though, that those things aren't important. They are, but they only matter after the yes has been established.) As I've written previously in one of my all-time favorite posts, special needs ministry isn't just another program. Special needs ministry is, at its core, a willingness to say yes when that family calls or shows up and when that adult with a disability comes through your doors.

Most special needs ministry efforts are not elegant in the beginning. Actually, drop that last part: Most special needs ministry efforts are not elegant. (And maybe we should drop "most" as well?)

It's the yes. Yes, this is worth it. Yes, we want to share the love of Jesus with all people, regardless of disabilities and special needs. Yes, we care. Yes, we'll figure it out, even if it's a little scary and confusing.

The yes matters.

Monday round-up! {6/27/11}

No one commented at the end of last week's Monday round-up when I asked if you liked this sort of post or not, so if you have an opinion either way, let me know! I still haven't decided if this will be a regular thing or if I'll go back to writing a regular post for Mondays.

Do you look away from disability?: During both of my pregnancies, especially my second one during which I was in bed for a while, I camped out at BabyCenter. This is a thought-provoking article with even more interesting comments. There was also a related article in the NY Times this week.

This and this and this and this and this and this and this are all recent articles I came across about churches who are embracing people with special needs.

This dad of twin boys with autism does an excellent job describing autism in general and the joys and struggles of parents. (While he does describe his children as miracles, I don't know what his faith is.)

Focus on the Family posted this article from the Summer 2011 edition of their Thriving Family magazine about a mother's experience thinking that parents or kids with special needs were superhuman and then becoming one of those parents.

MassMutual graduated their first class of agents designated as Chartered Special Needs Consultants (ChSNC™). Read about it here.

Here's a press release about a study from Baylor indicating that church congregations are blind to mental illness.

And if you haven't seen this life-affirming commercial from Pampers, enjoy!

“But what if they can’t understand the teaching?”: How can they be saved? (Fridays from the Families)

Yesterday I broke this question into two separate ones: (1) But what am I supposed to do on Sunday morning if they can’t understand the teaching? (which I posted about yesterday) and (2) But how can I think and preach soteriologically if they can’t understand the teaching. In other words, can they be saved in the typical sense of how we consider salvation through faith?

This is the harder question. And, while I will post in more length at some point about this when I am able to take time to gather the words to do so, for now I’m going to pass the ball to Greg Lucas. He’s the guy who wrote the book I highly recommended a couple weeks ago, Wrestling with An Angel. As the dad of a child who has disabilities, he has wrestled with this question. And, finally, he answers it better than I can.

The reason I recommend his response is two-fold:

1. It’s scriptural. Most of the answers I’ve found in my searches on this topic are based on feelings rather than the Bible. When we make theological judgments from the gut instead of from the Word, we’re standing on the wrong foundation even if we deliver the right answer.
2. It acknowledges that God is God and we are not. I sometimes forget that when I’m searching for an answer to any question. I like answers. I like facts. I’m not comfortable, most of the time, with questions and mystery and empty blanks. But, as a believer, there are times when I have to rest in God’s sovereignty as I say, “I don’t know, but he does, and that’s good enough for me.” As we teach and preach, we need to be mindful that we are not the source of all answers. It is not our job to provide answers but to point to Christ. He is our answer. As Spurgeon preached in 1865, “If I might only have it to utter one sentence, it would be this one, ‘Your help is found in Christ.’” (Charles H. Spurgeon, Memory: The Handmaid of Hope)

 So check out Greg’s answer below (reprinted with permission, originally posted here). And rest in God’s sovereignty.

“For by grace you are saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

The more I try to comprehend the sovereignty of God in salvation, the more I am astounded by His grace. That even the faith to believe is a gift given to those who deserve only His just wrath.

So the sovereign Lord gives us faith in His Son and we believe that Jesus came, lived a perfect life and died a sacrificial death for the payment of our sins. All the wrath of the Father justly reserved for us was cast upon His Son. All the righteousness of Jesus is transferred to us by grace through the work of the cross.

As one preacher so simply stated, “On the cross, God treated Jesus as if He had lived your life, so He could treat you as if you had lived His.” A profound paraphrase of 2 Corinthians 5:21

All of this is obtained by grace through faith. I understand that.

What I don’t understand is how this is applied, or better yet, how this works itself out in the life of an individual who cannot respond in faith, who cannot even speak, or who does not have the ability to comprehend the truth of the gospel.

I’m not thinking of the native in a far unreached part of the world that at least has a general revelation to point him towards more specific revelation.

I am thinking about my 17 year old son who has the mental capacity of a 2 year old.

I know Jake is a sinner—boy do I know. And I know that he is in desperate need of a Savior. I also know that salvation comes through repentance and faith, neither of which have I ever seen or could imagine seeing in my son’s life.

He does not understand the cross, or the sacrifice that was made. He knows nothing of his Adamic nature or fallen state. I’m not even sure that he treasures Christ above Jelly Belly’s or Santa Clause. So how can he be saved? How is the gift of faith applied to his lack of comprehension of the gospel?

I believe it all comes back to the main application of salvation for each of us—God’s undeserving grace. Yes, Jake is sinful. And yes, he is in desperate need of a savior. If he is saved from the just wrath of God, he will be saved by faith, but how that faith is gifted to him and in what capacity it is made manifest is still only through the mystery of God’s amazing grace.

I rest in that grace, not only for my own salvation, but for the salvation of my son.

I’m sure there is a lot of systematic theology that could be applied at this point, but I am not a theologian, I am a father. However, I do hope that no one mistakes my emotional parental response for a lack of searching the scriptures diligently for a solid answer to this important question.

I have poured over God’s promises like a doctor searching for a cure of the deadly disease in his own child, looking for hope and confidence in this grey area of my son’s life. There are many passages that give hints to the question I pose, but in the end I believe the passage in Ephesians 2 brings the most peace to my own soul—that Jake’s state is really no different from my own.

We are both separated from God by sin, in desperate need of a savior, and even if it is faith that appropriates our salvation, this faith is not our own doing—it is the gift of God. So that in the end our boast and our only hope is in the mysterious, amazing grace of God.

How will my son be saved?

“For by grace you are saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

I rest hopeful in God’s promises.

“But what if they can’t understand the teaching?”: Teaching how-to

A few months ago, I was speaking with a woman I admire and respect, the wife of a seminary professor. She is a teaching assistant in a special education class, and as she and I talked about her students, she shared, “I agree that special needs ministry matters. But as I, for example, work with one of my girls who I love and who has autism and who can’t communicate in any way right now, I don’t know what it would look like to teach her about Jesus.”

At that point, our conversation was interrupted, and I wasn’t sure at the time how to answer her heartfelt comment. I’ve heard the question posed before, though, and it’s one that begs to be answered.

It’s actually two questions in one: (1) But what am I supposed to do on Sunday morning if they can’t understand the teaching? and (2) But how can I think and preach soteriologically if they can’t understand the teaching? In other words, can they be saved?

Today I’ll take the easier of the two, the first one. Tomorrow, though, I’ll wade into the deeper waters of question two. (Well, to be honest, I'll let a dad I highly respect wade into those waters for me.)

If you’ve read my blog much, you know that I like answering questions with other questions. So, here goes: Do you ask, “how do I show Jesus to the babies in our nursery?” I’m guessing not. I guessing you love them and rock them and push them in strollers and change their diapers and give bottles and all those other practical actions that are necessary for welcoming them into your congregation.

Why do those working in the nursery change diapers? Because the child needs that. Why are they held instead of just left in cribs to cry? Because that’s how you show love to a little one. How do you tell them about Jesus? By singing simple truths like “Jesus loves me.” By serving them. By reading Bible storybooks written at their levels. By reflecting Christ in your actions. By doing every developmentally appropriate thing you can to point them to Christ.

And so it is with those with significant special needs. You share truth at their level. You serve. You read Bible stories. You reflect Christ in word and deed. You do every developmentally appropriate thing you can to point them to Christ.

That’s what you do if you’re not sure they can understand. Because some day they might understand, just as the infants in the nursery grow up to be children who grasp the basic truths shared with them when they were still in the crib. And because 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that what we see is limited, but God's view of the heart is complete, so only he knows the extent to which his truth is penetrating there.

But the Lord said to Samuel, 

“Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, 

because I have rejected him. 

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, 

but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

What if the healing comes? And what if it doesn’t?

We love good news. It’s wired into us. Gospel literally means good news. We’re wired to respond to the that ultimate good news, so it’s only natural that stories like these can be heart-warming:

• Paralyzed bride defies odds to walk down aisle 
• Selah seniors [with cerebral palsy who graduated last month] are twin pillars of optimism 
• Autism No Roadblock for 'Inspiring' Drauden Point Graduation Speaker 
• Wekiva High valedictorian's life a victory over disability 
• Clemson graduates first class of disabled students

We celebrate over good news. It makes headlines.

Meanwhile, you don’t see headlines for “middle school boy with autism who didn’t speak until age three still only says a dozen words.” Or “Selah seniors are discouraged.” Or “paralyzed bride aims to walk down the aisle but isn’t able to do it.” Those don’t make great lead stories. They are, however, real life for many families. And the other type of headline-making stories, the tragedies, are also real life, even though I wish they weren't: stories like this one in which a seven-year-old boy with autism was found dead in a creek after wandering away the day before.

When we read or tweet or talk about stories with good news, we exult. We shout, “Praise God!” We celebrate Christ. We say, “God is good.” We rejoice.

But is God no longer good in the other instances, the situations that don’t make headlines? Can we still rejoice, even when the outcome isn’t as exciting or when it's devastating?

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4

Even if your child never speaks, God is still faithful. Even if God doesn’t heal your cerebral palsy, He is still faithful. Even if God doesn’t fulfill the dream you have for your child, He is still faithful.

How do I know that? Because God is clear in his word about who He is and what He does. He makes promises, and then he keeps them. I have heard it said that the entire Bible could be summarized as promises made (in the Old Testament) and promises kept (in the New Testament).

I don't worship desirable outcomes; I worship a God who is far more than anything I could ever desire.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

He has a purpose and plan, even when I don't understand it and can't see it. And his plans are good, resulting in his glory and our good.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.  

Romans 8:28

A sweet friend of mine experienced the sudden death of her father this week. In a message to me, she wrote, "God IS faithful, but as you can imagine, this is a very sad time for us." In Ecclesiastes 3:4, we read that there is a time to mourn. It is okay to grieve when our lives here on earth are filled with the heartache and tears and trials that will all pass away in heaven but that are all acutely felt here and now. I've heard that described as heavenly homesickness. It's the tension of knowing that God will provide healing in his time - if not on earth, then in heaven - but not yet experiencing the promised healing that will come. 

God can heal, and sometimes he does that healing on earth. If he heals, he is faithful. If he does not heal until heaven, he is faithful. When life goes as we’d like, he is faithful.

And when it doesn’t? He is still faithful.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.

He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, 

 and God himself will be with them as their God.  

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, 

neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, 

for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:3-4

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John Knight's post on the Desiring God site yesterday also touches on some of these points. It is well worth the read (as is anything else John writes).

Also, please check out this post, in which Family Ministry Today interviews me about special needs ministry and our church's Treasuring Christ curriculum. And here are the interviews of two other members of our team (about the curriculum, not special needs ministry): Kim Davidson and Pastor Steve Wright, as well as an overview post here.