Kudos to Target. Now, church, it's your turn.

A post I read at the start of this week has gone viral in the disability community, and I love it: Target is 'Down' With Down Syndrome: 5 Things Target Said By Saying Nothing At All Rick, who is probably known better by now as Noah's Dad, shared the picture below from Target's weekend ad. Notice the handsome fellow named Ryan on the far left.

Ryan has appeared in Nordstrom's ads and others, and like Rick, I am pleased to see Ryan's face alongside kids without Down syndrome instead of sequestered into an ad of just kids with special needs, as is often the case. Target included Ryan, but they didn't make a big deal out of it. Their lack of words said more than anything else could have, including that kids with Down syndrome are kids first and that inclusion isn't a big deal but that exclusion would be.

To put it into roughly sketched pictures, Target said we're not going to work with these buckets

because kids with special needs are kids too. In fact, they're kids first, with disability as just one characteristic, like hair color or slinky preference. Separating their ads into the two categories above would make as much sense as doing using the ones below.

 Instead, Target just advertises clothing to kids, in all their diversity.

Now how about us? Consider the areas of your church that display what you care about. Does the bulletin board with children's ministry pictures or the section of your website devoted to family ministry include the faces of those with special needs? Or do you just include those pictures in areas that are specific to special needs? 

Of course, that's not the only sign of how you view people, just like this past Sunday's Target ad isn't the only sign of that company's inclusion of kids with special needs. It is a good indicator though, isn't it?

Is this your church, in which people can only fit in one bucket?

Or do you acknowledge that we are all the church, made richer because of - and not in spite of - our God-given diversity?

I know I didn't include every people group or ministry area in the graphic above, but I think you get the idea. If we're the church God designed us to be, we won't create divisions by ability or disability, choosing instead to "...walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:2-3, emphasis mine).

P.S. Sketching might not be my strong suit, but my four-year-old daughter recognized that the pictures above were buckets, and that's good enough for me. 

Speechless: A review and giveaway of mother's e-book about God's grace the first year following her son's diagnosis

Most published stories written by parents of children with autism benefit from the perspective of at least a few years in autism-land. However, that can also limit their ability to write with freshness about the first days and months and year of life with a diagnosis.

Sandra Peoples doesn't have the experience of autism parenting in the long-term, but that's what makes her e-book Speechless: Finding Grace in My Son's Autism helpful. I don't have a child with autism, and as such, I'm limited in my ability to understand the realities of families with a new diagnosis. I can sympathize, certainly, but empathizing is a little more difficult because I haven't walked that road. Sandra and her husband Lee are walking it, and Speechless invites you to come alongside them through meetings and doctor's appointments and financial decisions and education transitions.

Because Speechless only describes their first year, emotions are fresh and honest without the passage of time to dull or sugarcoat them. For example, when they received the diagnosis for James, she admits that it felt as if her life had stopped but that no one around her seemed to notice. As they moved on from that moment, the book moves on too, reading somewhat like a retrospective blog with the end point known but the chapters written in chronological order and in varying lengths.

She admits to prayers that the diagnosis would not be autism and conflicts with her husband about treatment, but she also describes how they have better understood God through the diagnosis and how He has ultimately strengthened their marriage. She lays herself bare, particularly when describing what she calls "the sin of entitlement":

Essentially, I [had] viewed God as a professor [before James was diagnosed]. The Bible was the syllabus. It told me what to do and I did it. Therefore, I earned a grade, or in this case, a reward. My reward should have been typical children. (If I’m being really honest, I felt I deserved exceptional children. (p. 19)

More than just a personal story, Sandra aims higher, letting us see this as a God story and pointing the reader to Him. Here a a few examples of that:

• "...this book is mostly about God... His grace has never been more real to me than in this last year." (p. 10)
• "Multiple times every day I had to repeat to myself, 'God loves me. God loves James.' Again and again I said it. I said it until I believed it." (p. 20)
• "I also have a choice—believe the truth that God loves me, loves my son, and is working for our good or don't believe." (p. 78)

My favorite part is where she provides guidance to friends and extended family members about what to say and how to act. She recommends reminding those who are struggling of the "big hope" and the "little hope," the former being God and His sovereignty and the latter being the dozens of other helpful, hopeful things, like a meal or the promise of a coffee date or a birthday party invitation for her son. And I think all of us need to be challenged by these words: "saying nothing actually communicates... 'I’m uncomfortable talking about this, and my comfort is more important to me than comforting you.'" Ouch. That hurts because I know that I have chosen my comfort over the comfort of others at times.

For me and for readers of this blog, the chapter "James at Church" provides great insight for what we do, and I am grateful that Sandra included this blog in her list of resources. (Thanks, Sandra!)

While I did find the book helpful, I do want to share two areas that I think could have used a little more polishing. Both are minor, but I think it would be unfair not to mention them:

• Use of statistics: If you've read this blog long, you know I'm a stickler for citations. If you mention a statistic without a source, I'm the first one to comment with something like, "That's interesting. Can you tell me where you found that?" On pages 11 and 26, Sandra uses two of the most pervasive yet least reliable statistics in special needs ministry: that 90% of families with a disability don't attend church (no good research exists on this, but the best available - from The National Organization on Disability - suggests that more than 40% do attend religious services, though that includes other religions than Christianity and that rate is less than the attendance of those without disabilities) and that 90% of parents with a child with autism divorce (not true. while some research supports a higher rate of divorce for parents who have a child with autism, those figures don't even come close to touching 90%). I don't fault Sandra for repeating such oft-quoted percentages, but I have to point out their inaccuracy.


• Objectivity about treatment choices: While she makes it clear that treatment decisions are complex and family-specific, her explanations of their choices sometimes feels more prescriptive than simply descriptive. She doesn't outright say, "We did this, and you should too," but she does write about what has worked for them with such understandable passion that objectivity becomes difficult. I don't consider this to be a major flaw, but it's worth mentioning, especially because Defeat Autism Now! - which has been a helpful group for the Peoples family - isn't universally loved by everyone in the autism community. (If you're not a fan of DAN, though, that shouldn't steer you away from the book; I just wanted to give you the heads up!)

All in all, this is a moving and candid account of the first year as mom of a child diagnosed with autism, and I am thankful for Sandra's transparency. I look forward to hearing more about how God unfolds their story as the years pass. If you'd like to do so as well, check out her blog!

If you'd like to get your own copy, here are two ways to do it:

• Win your own copy here! Yep, Sandra is offering one reader of this blog a free copy of the pdf version of this e-book. Just leave a comment, and you're entered!
• Buy it! Here's a link to the website for the book, which includes purchasing options, including an Amazon link to the Kindle version.

And, if you weren't already intrigued enough to consider getting it, please know that the income generated by book sales will go toward the cost of James' therapy and treatments and supplements. Given that most of that is not covered by insurance, every little bit counts!

disability ministry weekly round-up {1-3-11}

I took a bit of a blog break over the holidays, posting less frequently, but I'm back now...as is the disability ministry weekly round-up!

A Year End Prayer for Weary Waiters The year has ended, but the prayer still applies. Come, Lord Jesus! Amen.

Why They Resist Volunteering Some good tips here for recruiting and engaging volunteers in your ministry.

Jill's House CEO on How to Guard Against Sexual Predators Jill's House is the respite care facility affiliated with McLean Bible Church.

When the Pastor's Family Has Special Needs I can't remember if I posted this a few weeks ago or not, but it's a good one and worth listing again.

When Being Nice is Not Enough Mark Stephenson's post about why "nice" isn't the opposite of or the remedy to disability discrimination.

Dear Dad [Tissue warning for this one - have 'em ready!] This blogger writes a letter to her late father about what she learned from his disability, caused by a stroke when she was two, that she is now applying as she cares for her husband Tim, who has ALS. The hardest yet most touching line for me: "I am envious that Tim will join you so much sooner than I will."

Family ready to adopt two children with Down syndrome I love that the good work done by Reece's Rainbow is appearing more and more frequently in the news. Even more than that, though, I love that children around the world aren't being denied a family because of an extra chromosome.

every single day This is a story about my friends Matt and Ginny and their son Eliot and 99 Balloons. (Well, I've only talked to Matt a couple of times and I've never talked to Ginny and we've never met in person, but I think "friend" is the best word to describe them. The other option would be "the people whose blogs I'm currently stalking for adoption news," but that doesn't have the same ring to it. They're in the Ukraine right now, and their fourth daughter Lena - who is loved a whole lot and who has some special needs - will be coming home with them soon!) Read it. Like, now.

Why do disability ministry? For your joy! So true. Great reminder from John Knight.

Pieces of Hope This article was written by a mom of a child with autism to help churches know how to support families like hers. It was published in April 2011, and Home Life magazine featured it on their blog as one of the top articles of 2011.

Four Tips for Surviving (and enjoying!) Church Services with Your Children Written for parents of kids with special needs.

Waite Park ministry holds church services for people with developmental disabilities My favorite line in this story is from a mom of two children with developmental disabilities who launched this disability ministry because "We did not find any place for our sons to grow into discipleship or knowledge of the Gospel at all; I don’t know of any church in our area that is willing to open their doors, gearing things specifically to them."

It Takes a (Christmas) Village to Raise a Child with Autism The language isn't completely clean in this post, but it's a helpful read from an honest momma.

Key Ministry presentation slides My friends at Key Ministry are stepping up their game in providing online resources for churches wanting to engage in disability ministry. I'll post more about what they're doing in the future and how you can benefit, but for now you can check out the slides from several of their presentations.

AAIDD Religion and Spirituality Division December newsletter Note that this organization is not specific to Christianity and includes other faiths as well.

I've seen this posted by both Justin Taylor and John Knight, and it encourages me each time. This video includes part of the address given by Dr. Robertson McQuilkin to Columbia Bible College and Graduate School in 1990, announcing his resignation from the post of university to care for his beloved wife Muriel. She has unable to recognize him three years later and went to be with the Lord ten years after that. (Here's an interview he did with Christianity Today after Muriel died.)

why disability ministry needs a global, missional focus(also, how orphan care and disability ministry intersect)

I've written about Reece's Rainbow several times before now, but this video from ABC News is more compelling than anything I've written. Watch, and understand why churches can and should have a global view and a missional perspective of disability ministry. (It will begin with an ad, but it should be a brief one!)

My husband and I are planning to add to our family in partnership with Reece's Rainbow, though we're currently open to other medical and intellectual special needs as well as Down syndrome.

Clinging to joy from a broken body

I didn't plan to take a week off from the blog. God has called my time and energy and thoughts elsewhere, though, between last Monday's post and yesterday's, and I've been still and resting in him.

Rest is something I struggle with. I don't do rest well. I like to be on the move. I like activity. I like talking. I like doing. I don't particularly like being still, but God has stilled me this week.

And it's been sweet.

This year has been full of great blessing, but it's also been a tough one. Every year our family writes a Christmas letter, and we haven't written ours this year. Maybe it will be a New Year's letter. Or Valentine's Day. Or maybe even Easter. 

I haven't written this year's letter because I didn't know what to write. Last year I didn't have the words either, but I forced them and wrote something that better resembled the reality I wanted than the reality I faced. I won't make that mistake again this year, so I'm not writing our letter until I'm ready to write an honest one.

God took my breath away figuratively a couple weekends ago, with the success of our respite night in which we opened wide our church doors to our community to provide free childcare to kids with special needs and their siblings. But a few weeks before that God had taken my breath away in a more literal way.

If you've read this blog long, you know that I'm in my late 20s but have joints that better resemble someone in their 80s due to rheumatoid arthritis. In RA, the immune system attacks the lining of joints, causing them to swell and rubs against the bones; as that friction erodes the surface of the bone, redness and pain and swelling occur. It can also cause inflammation in some organs. My RA went unchecked and undiagnosed for the first year I had it, and then it was mostly untreated for another year because I found out I was pregnant with my son a week after I was diagnosed and all the effective treatments are untested in pregnancy. Once I was diagnosed, my hands were already affected enough that opening any sort of jar, unlocking many doors, and unbuckling my kids' car seats is a challenge, if not impossible. 

Now we've found a sweet spot of drugs and supplements and lifestyle choices and diet that has my disease in check. But the bone damage in my hands and the limitations to those joints can't be undone. The complications of a previous treatment have left me with scars from MRSA infections and susceptibility to future infections. The knee surgery I had a couple months ago is the result of RA damage during the first two years of disease activity. 

And a couple weeks ago - just three days after our respite night - I learned that my difficulties breathing over the past year, more acute in the past month, are likely the result of RA-related lung disease, which has resulted in asthma. So we've added a few more words to my charts, a few more meds to my cabinet, and a few more doctor's appointments to the calendar.

And I've wrestled with joy. Christmas ads would have you believe that it can be bought. Each of Gap's sale emails to me this month, like the one below, bore the words, "Joy Alert!"  

You can't buy joy at Gap. About 2,000 years ago, it was found in a more unlikely place than that.

And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field,
keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them,
and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear.
And the angel said to them,
“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy
that will be for all the people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

{Luke 2:8-12}

This year I am thankful that joy isn't a feeling. It's a reality. It's the truth that God loves me enough to allow the worst thing to happen - the death of his son - so that the best thing could happen - the saving of my life and soul. 

In light of that, I can live in a broken body, with difficulty running and grasping and breathing, knowing that God is enough and that he has allowed me to experience a little bit of what the families I serve each week experience daily. Often, we are advised to steer clear of Romans 8:28 when comforting people whose pain is fresh, but I don't think we should always heed that advice. We certainly shouldn't drop those words unkindly or dismissively as little bombs in Christian wrapping paper. But the words are true. And even when my pain is raw, I have clung to them: 

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good
 to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. 
For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined
 to become conformed to the image of his son,
so that he would be the firstborn among many brethren;
and these whom he predestined, he also called;
and these whom he called, he also justified;
and these whom he justified, he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who is against us?
He who did not spare his own son, but delivered him over for us all, 
how will he not also with him freely give us all things?
{Romans 8:28-32}

Merry Christmas, my friends. May the amazing nature of his joy take your breath away this holiday season.