the hot dog that broke the momma's back

It was a hot dog that did me in.

Friends who know me well have been checking in on me, making sure that I am holding up under all the change. They are the friends who knew what I needed them to know before I posted about it. And they are the friends who knew the toll that all this change would have on me, even before I realized it.

But I doubt any of them would have guessed that a hot dog would be my undoing.

Lee heated it up for me for lunch. I was looking forward to eating it. That is, until I realized that our ketchup and mustard are at the old house.

That, my friend, was the straw that broke this camel's back.

As Lee put the hot dog back in the container, knowing that I don't eat hot dogs without my ketchup and mustard, I started crying. He asked if I was okay. I told him I didn't know.

"I'm just tired of living an in between life!" I sobbed. "I have a hot dog, but I can't eat it. We're in the new house, but not really because all our stuff isn't here. We're adopting, but we don't have Zoe yet. It feels like we're holding our breath and about to pass out but we can't inhale yet."

And then it hit me, a line from a book I reviewed almost two years ago.

 “..., this is only evidence of our semi-eschatological conundrum, wherein we, along with creation, groan for the full enjoyment of a redemption that we possess now only in part (Eph. 1:7, 14). In this very Abba-confession the rock of the ‘already’ meets the hard place of the ‘not yet,’ for it is due to the present awareness of our sonship that we can call God ‘Father,’ but it is because this adoption has yet to be consummated that this bold affirmation comes in the form of a fervent cry.” (p. 175, Dual Citizens: Worship and Life Between the Already and the Not Yet by Jason Stellman; italics his) 

We are not called to be comfortable. If we are mindful of the already but not yet world in which we live, we will constantly feel the tension that comes from knowing the promises of God but not experiencing all of them on this side of heaven. We who know we belong to Christ long to see Him face to face; we know He has won the victory over sin (by His crucifixion) and death (by His resurrection), yet we still inhabit a world smeared with both.

I'm still feeling shaky, but I know that my foundation, which is Christ, is solid. Because of that, I'm not rushing the wait. Before we hit the full heat of summer, our new home will be complete with all our stuff and all three of our children. Oh, how I long for that!

But I'm resolved to cherish the wait because I know God is purposeful. I know that this is all part of His good work being completed in me. I know that all things - including the "not yets" of life - work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose.

I know many of you are praying for the "not yets" to be over soon, and so am I. Thank you for those prayers.

But would you also join me in praying for the work God is accomplishing in our family as we wait and praying that we would not miss out on any of that by worshiping the idol that is our own desired timetable?

Thanks. 

~+~
And don't worry: I found something else to eat for lunch, Lee will be getting the ketchup and mustard when he picks up a load at the old house tonight, and a sweet friend is taking the kids for the day tomorrow.

And, most importantly, God is still good. He still would be even if I had no lunch, ketchup, mustard, or childcare, and He still will be even if the "not yet" period lasts longer than I would like.

disability ministry weekly round-up {may 14, 2012}

Hi, friends! I was without internet last week as we moved, but I am thankful to be in our new home and to be back in this bloggy home.

I'm even more grateful, though, for the privilege I have to serve in special needs ministry at my church each week. It's a full week: reaching out to a family who was reported to CPS because someone didn't understand their child's autistic behaviors, connecting another family to community ministries that they might find housing, praying with a family whose sons are ill with test results providing no answers yet, checking in on a family whose son had surgery a couple weeks ago, and preparing for our next respite night (June 16!).

I don't deserve the honor of serving these families, and I am glad God's grace and providence allows me to do so.

A Prayer for Trusting Jesus in Transition and Change This wasn't written for families affected by disability, but it applies in so many ways.

Your Ministry is Not Your Identity "Being a pastor [or, you could add, a minister of any kind, including a parent] was my calling, not my identity. Child of the Most High God was my cross-purchased identity. Member of the body of Christ was my identity. Man in the middle of his own sanctification was my identity. Sinner, and still in need of rescuing, transforming, empowering, and delivering grace was my identity."

Pastor finds his niche with unique ministry, Hidden Blessings Don't you love stories about churches engaging in disability ministry? They never get old for me, though I look forward to the day when they are so common that they are no longer newsworthy.

Going to church with my family This is a basic example of a social story. Social stories are a research-backed way of describing "a situation, skill, or concept in terms of relevant social cues, perspectives, and common responses in a specifically defined style and format." (source) In other words, they help those with social disabilities navigate contexts that they don't innately understand. As another example, I'll be posting our respite night social story later this week.

Churches and the Disabled I haven't been able to watch the video yet, but the transcript includes several leaders in disability ministry with valuable perspectives.

John Knight blogged about this today, and I'm thankful he included the full video, which I had not yet seen. (Tissue warning! Though, to be honest - as the daughter of a Vietnam veteran and the granddaughter of two WWII veterans with many other deep military connections - I need tissues for any service member's homecoming.)


I'm sure I missed some links in the past week while I was without internet. Which ones would you recommend for me and others passionate about special needs ministry?

an update on the homefront {blessings upon blessings!}

After closing on our old house on Friday and having a debt-free weekend, we closed on the new house yesterday. For a few weeks, we are both renters (of the old house) and owners (of the new one)! The big move will happen this weekend, though we don't have to completely clear out of the old house until the end of the month.

If that wasn't exciting enough, consider this: the proceeds from the sale of our old house cover the remaining adoption expenses. Yep, that's right. That pesky $23,000 we needed to cover the full cost of her adoption? We have it, with the final bit provided upon closing on Friday.

"Thank you" will never be enough to express our gratitude each of you who prayed over our adoption finances and who gave sacrificially so that Zoe Amanda could be added to our family!

Now we keep praying as we wait for the final decree, which could come any day now and which finalizes the adoption in Taiwan. Then the US needs to review everything - which also means all the court documents have to be translated to English - and Zoe will have an immigration physical. And then? We travel! Best guesses put the trip in June, hopefully at the beginning of the month.

Can't wait until the family pictures on the blog include all FIVE of us!

sweet communion

Jim and Chloe were already seated when Jocelyn and her family arrived, running a little late. Jocelyn immediately ran-walked (fast enough to get there expeditiously but not so fast that she would be chastised for running in church) to their row and sidled up to Jim. During songs they didn't know, Jocelyn - who couldn't read the words yet at age five - danced in her seat, and Jim - who couldn't see the words due to his visual impairment - smiled. Chloe watched with interest and waited impatiently for the smell of communion, hoping for a crumb of Christ's body or a drop of His blood to fall on her tongue.

Jim and his wife are dear friends of ours, though they are closer to my parents' ages than mine.
Jocelyn is my daughter.
Chloe is Jim's guide dog.

When I watch the three of them, I have great hope for the church to embrace all God's people with the gospel.

(Please forgive the fact that I took pictures with my phone during communion!)

disability ministry weekly round-up {5-7-2012}

I love seeing glimmers of God's grace and mercy in the news. One example? Tidbits from secular research that God has allowed to be revealed to serve us well in ministry.

Disabilities in kids increasingly non-physical Initial steps for church accessibility often include ramps and wide hallways. And that's very good, but this article is a reminder not to stop there. Disabilities are often not physical and not even visible.

Sisters are the best therapists "Sadly, it took me a while to let my guard down and fall in love with Polly. Polly’s older sisters led the way."

5 Keys to Building Healthy Volunteer Teams Useful for all ministry areas, including special needs ministry.

Suffering is a gift "Regardless, I see this cancer as a gift. The reason, I believe, that I was able to come around on the news within a day was this: my theology prepared me for it."

Leading an Inclusion Initiative This posts includes one participant's notes from this special needs ministry session at the recent Orange Conference.

This past November, I had the privilege of meeting Meaghan Wall and observing the special needs ministry she leads at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, TX. And I remember her sharing these words with me then, as I wished I had a pencil to jot them down. Now I have something even better: a video! In her words, what does it take to serve in special needs ministry?