our cardiology appointment last Thursday {alternate title: "your daughter has a healthy heart!"}

Until the night before her appointment, I thought that Zoe's notation of an ASD - atrial septal defect, or a hole between the two chambers of the heart - was a mistake. As I flipped through her records that night, though, I realized the ASD had been properly diagnosed with tests in Taiwan. It was no typo. I wasn't anxious, but I realize that our sweet girl was indeed born with a heart defect and that the appointment was indeed necessary.

After a night of prayer, I arrived, carrying a baby, a diaper bag, and a folder of medical records written in a mixture of English and Chinese.

Little did I know the sweetness God had in store.

First, I checked in. As a glanced down, I saw a plaque on the man's desk,

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!

You have relieved me in my distress;

Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

Psalm 4:1

How those words soothed my heart!

Then, the nurse called us back. Zoe watched her closely, a little more closely than usual. I realized that Zoe had honed in on the familiarity of this precious nurse, a woman from the Philippines who looked more like Zoe than most other people she has seen since arriving here.

As we chatted over Zoe's vitals, the conversation turned to adoption, as it often does when you have fair skin and blue eyes but are holding a baby with olive skin and eyes so dark that you have to look hard to spot the pupils. The nurse asked about the cost of adoption, and I - a chronic oversharer - replied that the total was around $27,000. (I like measurable terms. "Expensive" isn't measurable.)

She told me that she and her husband didn't have any children but that she wanted to adopt a school-aged child from Taiwan or another country near her homeland. Her husband had agreed just that week to move forward with adoption plans, but only if they could afford it. Her exact words to me? "You are an angel sent here today, because you just told me that we can afford it."

Next, she introduced me and Zoe to the rest of the nurses, who oohed and aahed over her. (Let me tell you: I swell with the same pride when people compliment Zoe as I did - and still do - when people compliment Jocelyn or Robbie. Doesn't matter if they came to us through pregnancy or adoption; it's that same momma pride.)

Then, she led us to an exam room with circulatory system diagrams that made me think of Jocelyn and how much she would have loved to check them out.

And then, Dr. M came in. I requested him because he is the heart doc for at least two families we know well, including one little guy we serve in special needs ministry each week. I didn't know when I requested him that he specializes in cardiology consults for adoptive families, reviewing medical records and answering questions when a family is considering a referral or moving forward with an adoption of a child with a heart defect. As we talked about the uncertainty of medical records with adoptions, he shared that two of his children were adopted from Korea. It was refreshing to talk with a specialist who knows more about adoption - both as a doctor and as a parent - than I do.

After a chat with Dr. M, Zoe and I were sent across the hall for an ultrasound of her heart to figure out if her ASD had healed and if anything else might be going on. I took a deep breath as we walked, because I hate medical procedures for my babies. I saw an adult hospital bed and cringed at the thought of lying my daughter on such a big bed. That is, until the sonographer told me to climb up on the bed and cuddle with Zoe to make her comfortable. And then the sweet woman didn't flinch a bit as Zoe happily kicked her legs as she kicked happily as she watched the flat screen with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, each time kneeing the ultrasound wand and requiring the sonographer to reposition.

Then we returned to the exam room, and I got to put Zoe back in her clothes. (That's my favorite part of every doctor's visit. I hate for them to be so exposed and naked in the office, and it makes my heart happy to dress them again.)

It had already been a wonderful visit before Dr. M came in, smiling with the news that we never needed to come back. We got wonderful pictures, he said, and her heart is perfect.

(Side note: a friend pointed out to me that it's not uncommon for ASDs to heal on their own - about 20% heal in the first year of life. No matter how common, though, our girl had a hole in her heart - a.hole.in.her.heart. - that is not there anymore. That, my friends, is pretty awesome, even if it happens for 1 in 5 babies with her condition.)

When I asked if it would be okay for me to share his name with others in the adoption community who might need his advice, he invited me to ask for a card at the front desk and share his info with others. His words? "Just have them email me with any questions they have."

And then, as we walked out, one of the nurses who had admired Zoe asked, "When will we see her again?"

And I got to say, "never."

And you know what? It was a sweet enough visit, that I almost - only almost - felt a little sad when I said it.

two wonderful quotes from our day of specialists today...

I will post in more length later, but for now...

"Great news! The atrial septal defect is healed. We got some great pictures, and her heart is perfectly healthy." (Dr. M from Duke Cardiology, after her heart ultrasound)

"What I am seeing here [Zoe, cooing and smiling and watching him while kicking and holding a toy] doesn't match anything I expected from the extensive damage shown on her MRI. She has a little spasticity in her legs, but nothing we can't work with. Let's redo the MRI to see what it shows now and do an EEG." (Dr. W from Raleigh Neurology)

We're not out of the woods with neurology, but everything looks far more "best case" than "worst case" in our list of possible scenarios. And my UNC-loving self and Lee's NCSU-loving self should never have to bring Zoe back to Duke cardiology, though we are thankful for the sweet, sweet folks we met there.

Praise be to God.

I have a lot more to say (shocker, I know), but that's all my brain can handle sharing right now.

People. Just like us.

We loved flying EVA AIR to and from Taiwan when we met Zoe and brought her home.

This sign in Taipei, though, made me pause. It caught me so off-guard that I didn't even realize that we - traveling with Zoe at this stage in the trip - fit the last category, that of a "family with small children and infant" [sic]. I stopped to take the picture, and then we went to the long line, never catching that the short line was for us.

Do you see why I took the picture?

"The Elderly." They are people.

The "Family with Small Children and Infant." Also, people.

"The Disability." Not a person. 

Just as the "courtesy counter" here didn't realize the discourteousness of their poor translation, sometimes we in ministry turn people into categories. It's not us and them. People aren't projects to fix or products to create. 

They are people.

Just like us. 

Let's not overthink what we're doing, getting bogged down with strategies and techniques and plans and programs and... and... and...

Let's love people, because Christ first loved us.

The end.

an update on us. my thoughts on Luke 2:19. and some links related to disability ministry

I must admit, I'm struggling with words and with energy.

Energy, because in the past month we've traveled to Taiwan, brought a sweet baby girl into our family, struggled with jet lag upon return, bonded as a family through the lovely stomach bug we acquired a week after we returned, and had an IV of immuno-suppressants for me to treat rheumatoid arthritis. I've been so tired that the Olympics - which I love - just aren't happening for us because it's bedtime for me as soon as we get the three kiddos in bed. And you know what? I'm 100% okay with that.

Words, because I'm processing. At times like this, I cherish the words of Luke 2:19. After Jesus is born, the angels declare his arrival to the shepherds who then come to meet and worship Him and go out to share the good news with others, who "wondered at what the shepherds told them." Meanwhile, what does Luke 2:19 say about Mary?

"But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." 

I love that.

That's where I am right now.

Pondering.

As I ponder, I'm focusing on the essentials, which are those things nearest to us - our family, Access Ministry at our church, and our neighborhood. This blog exists to share what we're doing in ministry to equip others, and while I'll be back doing that in the coming weeks, right now I'm hunkering down with what's right here instead of pouring out to what's going on in ministry elsewhere.

As I lack for my own words in this time of pondering everything in my heart, let me share a handful of links I've found helpful lately in thinking about how to support families in our church who are affected by some degree of special need:

• Parenting a Child with Anxiety and Parenting an Angry Child: On working through a child's tough emotions (which may or may not be part of a special needs diagnosis) as a parent. 
• Families and Disability: On the myth of sky-high divorce rates in special needs families and the need for truth
• A Special Newcomer: On welcoming elementary students with special needs into small groups
• If you've received a prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis and are considering abortion... On my friend Gillian's heart as a mom of two girls with Down syndrome who is mourning the passing of another little guy with an extra chromosome.

our first walk as a family and my new baby equipment love {BOB stroller review}

I was a complete cheapskate when Jocelyn was born.

Nope, not thrify. Cheap.

When I saw price tags on some strollers, I thought that parents had to be crazy to foot that bill. I never bothered to look at the features that set them apart.

I was still a little cheap when Robbie was born, but I started to reconsider my stroller preferences when we committed to being Zoe's parents. A lot of you have asked about her physical limitations, and she does have definite delays in that area (at nine months: not sitting, only pushing up a little, able to roll from tummy to back but we're not sure if she can roll from back to tummy), though we're not sure what's based in premature birth and what's stemming from her brain injury and what's the result of something else altogether.

Fact is that she may never walk.

If she doesn't, then wheelchairs are in our future. We knew that when we signed on as Mom and Dad, so we're cool with that... and we also know that our stroller phase would probably be longer with her than our two big kids. We never loved our previous strollers (including a full-sized Graco one, a Kolcraft umbrella stroller, an Instep jogging stroller, a double Graco one, a Baby Trend Sit n Stand, a Graco frame stroller designed for our carseat, and a no-brand one that got used once before we realized it was useless... um, yes, I have a stroller problem. I kept searching for one I liked and struck out again and again. Thank you, Craiglist and consignment sales, for keeping us from going broke as I collected enough strollers to outfit the Duggars...)

Enter BOB. After hearing Zoe's story, they graciously offered to provide a stroller for us to try out. We have the BOB Revolution SE in Orange, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I never knew I could love a stroller like this.

It is a beast in size, but it can carry a child up to 70 lbs - and it did carry each of our 40+ pound kiddos just fine - so it needs to be solid for that. The wheels are huge too, which means we don't feel any bumps along the way and we can take it on many of the local hiking trails we love.

The cargo space is more than sufficient. This was just for a long walk around the neighborhood - one sippy cup for each big kid, a pack of Pop Tarts if they got the munchies, and a few diapering supplies.

I'll be able to easily add more cargo in there for longer treks or for shopping trips. (I wouldn't take this anywhere with narrow aisles or racks, though, because it's more than two feet wide. I usually opt for some sort of carrier - like my Peanut Shell sling or Ergo carrier or the Moby wrap coming my way from a sweet friend - in stores anyway.)

The shot above shows the lowest (left) and highest (right) settings for the shoulder straps. Adjustment was easy peasy. (Really. Even for me. Usually adjusting any straps is a frustrating chore, given the degree of permanent joint damage in my hands - thank you, rheumatoid arthritis - so the ease of adjustment on the BOB is a big deal for me.)

Here, I'm adjusting the waist strap, which also was simple for me. Given the angles of adjustment that favor the adult and not the child, I don't think you'd need to worry about your babe easily loosening herself.

As you can see, we cinched everything about as small as we could, and that worked well. At this time, Zoe was just shy of 13 pounds in weight and just at 24 inches in length. BOB recommends that babies be at least eight weeks old before riding and even older before jogging, so most babies should fit just fine.

Zoe clearly likes it!

She's traveling in style! I personally like the orange because it's a fun pop of color without being gender specific.

The sun shade is incredibly effective - just note the darkness in the pictures of her in the seat! - but it offers a peek through area, hidden under a flap of material held in place by velcro. Zoe didn't like when I could see her, though, because it was too bright, so I didn't use it much! (Why did we take our first walk as a family at 3pm on one of the hottest days of the summer? I blame jet lag.)

Given my arthritis, I was concerned by reviews I read about the difficulty of removing the back wheels, which is necessary for the stroller to fit in most vehicles. I didn't need to worry, though. I had no problem with it. Just flip that silver lever toward myself, and the slide the wheel off. It locks securely enough to be safe but comes off easily enough to be effortless.

I could push with one hand while holding Robbie's hand (or, in this picture, holding a leaf declared to be "a dinosaur feather").

I guess she was comfy, huh?

At MSRP of $449 and a current Amazon price of $321.95, the Revolution SE is certainly not cheap. The couple of weeks I've had it in use, though, have made me a believer. (Plus given how much money - from us and from others via gifts - went into my previous fleet of strollers, I could have spared myself the trouble and spent nearly the same amount by just getting one of these to start.) I have also been blown away by BOB's customer service. 

We don't know if Zoe will need the Revolution SE to serve as her first wheelchair of sorts, but we're glad that we're prepared in case she does.

Now, here are a few other shots of our first walk as a family...

Disclaimer: I did receive this stroller for review purposes, but I was not given anything else and I was not asked or required to give a positive review.