the bitter and the sweet

/
Zoe's our daughter. I don't think of her as a former orphan, though she is. We've settled into life with her, and it feels like it's been far more than eight weeks since we brought her home.

But.

Today has been bittersweet. Precious, but only made so by the difficult realities of adoption.

First, a bittersweet and wonderful word...
Mama.

She's been saying it occasionally, but we haven't been sure if it had meaning or not. Today, she was fussing on the floor with Jocelyn, and I scooped her up from behind. When she saw who it was who had her, our eyes locked and her mostly gummy grin let out a beautiful "Mama." 

This moment with each of my other two was just sweet. No bitter in sight. 

But the reality is that adoption only exists due to brokenness, be it poverty or death or sin or some other circumstance that won't exist in heaven and didn't exist in the Garden of Eden. In the absence of brokenness, Zoe wouldn't be ours. She would be saying "mama" to the one who gave birth to her. 

The sweetness, though, is in redemption. Just as God's redemption of me transformed me from a sinner to His child, the beauty of redemption in earthly adoption takes an orphan and makes her a loved daughter. 

A daughter whose Mama's heart fills with joy when she uses her first word to call me by name.

Second, a bittersweet and wonderful moment...
Lee went on a week-long business trip, returning today. Zoe has been a little cranky all week.

I thought it was teething, but she hasn't acted this way with other teeth. It could be that she has been carted around more, with school registration and carpools and a developmental evaluation. It could have been any of those realities. But I realized today that she might not know that Daddy - her favorite parent by far, which I love - was coming back.

With Jocelyn and Robbie, I could say, "We've always come back." And "Mommy and Daddy have always been here for you." And "Do you have any reason to doubt us?"

For Zoe, we haven't always been there. She's learning to trust us. It's different.

For Zoe, I don't think she knew that Daddy was coming back. She is more tentative with him this evening than she has been since our first days in Taiwan. In time, she'll trust him again, but we're not quite sure she does right now.

That's the bitter.

The sweet? It's this. 




first day of SCHOOL!

/
Remember when I posted that we would be homeschooling? In that post, I said:
I interrupt this post to remind all of you that I LIKE PLANS. God has clearly deemed that 2012 is the year of teaching me to hold plans loosely and be more flexible, but some days I just want to curl up in the fetal position while hugging a planner and pretending that I have some control over my life. I am thankful that God is in control, and I do know that His plans are so much better than mine, but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling with the loss of the plans I expected.

So when you ask where Jocelyn is going to school this year, please forgive me if I force a huge smile, proudly announce that I think we're homeschooling but I'm not really sure because I still kind of hope that Plan A of the public school we really like will work out, and then promptly burst into tears.
Well, last night just after dinner and after I put Zoe to bed, I checked my email. And found out that Plan A had been approved!

Which meant that I had roughly 12 hours to get school supplies, impart the "you're going to school, so here's what I want you know before you go" wisdom, pick out clothes, pack lunch and snack, and figure out the ins and outs of how this morning would work.

(Praise God that our friend Vallory had joined us for dinner and was willing to bathe the big kids and put them to bed while I ran a couple of errands to get ready!) 

Yesterday at this time, I was deciding what day we'd start homeschooling. Now, I'm hanging out with my handsome little fella while the baby girl sleeps and the big girl schools at the public school we love.

Here are some of the first day of school pictures that I didn't think I'd get to take. (Well, at least, not of her going off to school. I would have taken first day of homeschooling shots, because I'm addicted to pictures of my precious ones.) I couldn't stomach balancing three kids, paperwork, and a late start to school (not to the day - we were on time! just a couple days late to the school year) with a camera too, so the only school-based shots I have are in the woodsy area by the parking lot.

You'll see that Robbie is more interested in his Spider-Man toy than the camera. I picked it up last night, along with the school supplies, because I had no idea how long it would take to straighten out all the logistics this morning. Bribery: A Dinglefest household tradition. (It worked.)







She was thrilled to get started, and she entered the classroom like she owned the place, even though she missed the first day. I had a chance to chat with the principal and a couple of parents, and I absolutely love her main teacher. It's the biggest K class they have, but two teachers co-teach along with a teaching assistant and I think that will be a great environment for our big girl.

So. stinking. excited!

P.S. - I still want to curl up in the fetal position while clutching my planner, if nothing more than to take a long nap in that position, because I. am. spent. But we are overjoyed, with every expectation that Jocelyn will truly thrive at her new school and with the knowledge that the rest of us will adjust to missing her during the day!

links I'm loving in disability ministry {9/4/12}

/
Growing a Healthy Special Needs Ministry: This is a mini-conference here in Raleigh sponsored by the Family Support Network of Wake County, with keynote Carlton McDaniel. I'll be there! Mark your calendar: 8am-12:30pm on October 27.

How to Reduce the Flow of Transfers Out: "Thirty-three percent of families changed their place of worship because their child with a disability was not included or welcomed into the life of the congregation. Of these families who left, some of them not only left their congregation, but left their faith tradition!" (This article includes links to several free resources from the Christian Reformed Church in North America.)

Counterculture is the cure: "The head of the body himself, Jesus, welcomed all the little children, noticed those in need, and reached out to those in isolation. So many times our churches speak against something, but what if our churches spoke for something; inclusion of all people, no matter their ability or outward appearance. Could we change the culture?"

Starting a Special Needs Ministry at Your Church: Gillian writes about the launch of her church's special needs ministry in the Chicago area.

A Great App for Helping Kids Learn the Bible: We haven't used this yet, but Rob shared it with me and I'll be writing a post on it soon!

Too High a Price: Why I Don't Do Behavior Charts: "Yes, behaviour charts can create a classroom full of raised hands, quiet voices, walking feet, please-and-thank-yous. But a child’s dignity is too high a price to pay for criss-cross-applesauce."

Some of the Most Unreached People in the United States: "What if you found out that a specific group of families in your community were unreached with the gospel? What if I told you that families from this group regularly share stories with me about rejection from churches?"

Following Tragedy, Special Needs Hotline in the Works: "After hearing about an overwhelmed mother who killed her son and herself, concerned parents are creating a hotline for families of those with disabilities to turn to in times of need."

Seven Easy Ways to Help a Family Diagnosed with Autism: Or, really, with any other special need.

"Can't take much more of my child with special needs"... The person who prompted this post could be a member of your church who is too afraid to take off her mask of the supposedly perfect parent. Is your church a safe place for people to come for help if they're struggling with these sorts of emotions?

RESOURCE: Our church's Special Needs Ministry Quick Reference Guide

/
Yesterday I provided an introduction and a teaser for this, but here it is: Special Needs Ministry Quick Reference Guide

On one side, you'll find tips for including children of all abilities in the Sunday school classroom, including those with
  • hyperactivity
  • impulsiveness
  • physical impairments
  • sensory avoiding/seeking behaviors
  • assistive devices
  • reading difficulties
  • allergies

The other side offers a basic theological reasoning for including children with disabilities in the church, an exhortation to partner with parents, and basic information about several categories of special needs, such as:
  • autism spectrum disorders
  • developmental and cognitive disabilities
  • learning disabilities
  • AD/HD
  • physical impairments
  • allergies
  • Down syndrome
  • intellectual disabilities
  • mental illness

While the version you'll find at that link is multi-colored, I designed it to print well in gray-scale as well. (I know ink isn't cheap, and ministry budgets are rarely flush!) 

As with anything I share on the blog, my policy for your use is simple: 
  1. Since I share it freely, I expect the same from you. In other words, don't make a buck off of my work!
  2. Please give me credit and, if possible, direct folks to this blog. This isn't about an ego trip; honestly, I don't care if no one knows my name as long as all people with disabilities are welcome in the church. Until that happens, I'll be writing here to equip folks, and the more people who visit the blog, the more people who are being equipped to open their church doors wide.

Finally, I caught a typo in the resource as I was writing this post, so I'll be revisiting it sometime soon-ish to fix it. If you notice anything else you think should be re-worded, changed, or corrected, please let me know. 

Hope this resource can help! 

P.S. - I'm thinking of creating a few more resources like this to offer freely here. Any suggestions for my next one?