How have your adoptions been so fast? Aren’t you worried about ethics?

When we were approached about Zoe’s need for a family, our first questions were about ethics.

Same with these three in Uganda.

Why? Because we only want to adopt a child who needs a family. If anything unethical is happening – like coercion of birth parents or other family members or kidnapping or child trafficking – then the solution should be to reunite the child with his or her family. In that case, the child doesn’t need a family; he needs justice.

Interestingly, most of the Bible verses about earthly adoption talk less about child placement and more about justice. Caring for orphans can include adoption, but sometimes the just outcome is something different. I love supporting ministries that focus on more than just adoption in their efforts to care for children in need.

That said, reunification isn’t always possible. The justice for some orphans is adoption.

We all know stories of people who waited years to adopt a child. Some of my friends are still in the middle – hopefully nearing the end! – of a long wait.

Us? Zoe’s adoption took less than six months, from start to finish. Right now, it looks like this adoption will be fast-paced too. (Just got an estimate from our agency - it's looking like we might travel in August and come home with our precious ones in September!)

Adoption ethicists will tell you about red flags for adoptions. I’m thankful for their guidance, because I’ve learned questions to ask to determine which programs to trust and which ones to avoid.

Adoptions that are quick and easy? That’s considered a major red flag.

And it can be.

But long waits are frequently due to families waiting for a child to be born or made available who meets their criteria. (Or due to something else altogether, like long legal processes and bureaucratic disorganization.)

Adopting child who is waiting for a family, usually an older child, sibling group, or kiddo with special needs? That’s often - though not always - much faster.

In our adoptions, that’s been the factor accelerating the process. (Plus the timing with the country’s courts went in our favor with Zoe.)

Speed and ethics? Yes, they can go hand in hand in adoption.

They have in ours.

How do you do it all? My secret: Lee is awesome.

Seriously.

He loves Jesus.

He packs Jocelyn’s lunch every day.

He cooks most of our meals.

He does bedtime routines with the kids in the evening.

He comes home for lunch almost every day.

He makes me laugh.

He stays home with the kids when I have speaking engagements.

He walks the dog every morning and most nights.

He drives whenever we go anywhere as a family. (I abhor driving.)

He leads our church’s special needs ministry with me. (Oh, how it makes me fall in love with him all over again each time he advocates for one of our Access Ministry kids!)

He brings Jocelyn to school once a week so that I don’t have to juggle carpool and Bible study that morning.

He’s savvy with money.

He doesn’t complain when I need some time to myself in the evenings when he gets home from work.

He’s my best friend.

He’s handy around the house and all things technological.

He loves all kids, especially ours.

When I say, “This is crazy, but I was thinking…” he hears me out, knowing that I might be suggesting another adoption or simply considering painting our doors a bright shade of aqua.

I could say sooooooooooooooooo much more, but I’ll stop there.

 How do I do it all?

I don’t. 

We’re a team. Lee does a whole lot.

I am so in love with him.

how will you fit SIX kids?

In the car? I’m not sure right now. If we disable the airbag on the front seat, then one of the kids can be there (which is legal if all other seatbelts are being utilized).

In order for all of us to fit, we’ll need a new vehicle. Some minivans seat eight, but none do it really well, in my opinion. (Lee's term for one or more of those seats is "the be glad you're not walking" seat. That doesn't cut it for a family who loves road trips like we do.)

What I want is the Nissan NV, pictured below, in the blue of the first picture.

It can seat twelve, and all the back seats have head rests. Because the back seats can be moved around and each is a single or double seat, Nissan boasts that seating can be configured in 324 different ways. I don’t care to confirm that, but I do like the options I’ve thought through.

This beast could very comfortably handle us all. That said, we absolutely can’t afford one of those, so unless the Ellen show giveaway or something like that works out, it ain’t happening.

So, let’s move on to how we’ll all fit in the house. I know the answers to that question, and I know how to pay for them. Let’s start with the nursery, where Zoe will be. Patricia might be here too.

Zoe’s crib will stay put, her dresser (which will be shared with Patricia) will be moved to where the rocking chair is above, their changing table will fit snugly but not too snugly on the wall by the window, and Patricia’s crib/toddler bed will go on the wall opposite hers. We have the crib, as the one used by Jocelyn and then Robbie and then our nephew has now made it back to us.

 Then the big boys’ room, which is where Robbie and Phillip will live.

Nope, that’s not his room now, and yep, that’s a young Jocelyn sleeping on her first big girl bed. That bed is one of a matching pair that is currently in the attic and will be moved to the boys’ room.

Those two beds – with more manly textiles! – will go in the boys’ room. We’ll sell his current racecar bed to help with adoption expenses or with bedding costs for the new kiddos. The space under the beds will allow for more storage; I'm thinking some bins for books and pajamas.

 Finally, the big girls’ room, where Jocelyn and Patience will bunk. (Literally.) Possibly with Patricia too. (We're going to wait and see Patricia's maturity level and dependence on Patience to decide which room she'll be in.)

source

Lee and his dad are handy, so they’ll design and construct the set pictured above, allowing for four beds for the three girls. (No, we’re not planning to fill that bed, unless Zoe ends up moving in there someday!) This room was the original master bedroom before the previous owners added on the sunroom and our current master, so it’s huge and it has its own bathroom: just perfect for three growing girls!

Yep, there’s room in our hearts for three more… and, with some creativity, in our house as well!

“so are you done yet?"

We already have three kiddos, two with special needs.

We’re adopting again, a sibling group of three.

As our family grows again, I know some of y’all are wondering if we’re done yet.

YES.

I’m sorry, was that not clear enough for you?

YES!!!

While I was pregnant with Robbie, I had a sense of finality. I cherished each moment, even the rough ones, with a degree of certainty that this was the last go-round for me and my womb.

Likewise, we knew we weren’t done with kids. Our Plan A for building our family always included BOTH birth and adoption. Now? We're done after this. God would have to move drastically to change our perspective {and, boy, do we know He can... but we don't think that will be His direction for us after our Ugandan ones are home...}. Six under seven is plenty for us.

For our family, that is. We’re still committed to advocating for waiting kids and supporting other families who adopt. We’re still passionate about supporting ministries that allow families to stay together, because adoption shouldn’t be our only response to the orphan crisis.

We’re still in this for the long haul… just not for more little Dinglefestlings after this.

i just can't stand the cuteness, y'all {zoe's first AFO fitting}

Today Zoe was fitted for her first AFOs (ankle foot orthoses, if you don't live in CP-land) to help her feet and ankles cooperate with trying to walk.

She's being held by Kathy, our fabulous physical therapist, while Nazaly (who is also wonderful!) prepares to get to work on her left foot.

In case you're wondering, yes, she did ham it up the whole time. Girlfriend loves attention, and getting focused attention from Mama and two other grown-ups? Zoe was in her element.

the little casts (with a plastic egg half for scale) to be mailed off for her braces to be custom made!

the print that will be on the plastic, with teal foam and pink straps

Oh, my heart.

I just love being her mom!