Fridays from the Families:: Vacation Bible School for our Special Needs Son

Sandra is a friend, pastor's wife, and momma who has guest blogged here in the past and whose e-book I gave away a few months ago. Now she's back with a helpful post about special needs and VBS! Thanks for letting me share your words once again, Sandra.

One evening last summer, I dropped of off one of my boys at Vacation Bible School and  drove away with my younger son still in the backseat. Tears filled my eyes as I lined up with the other cars leaving the parking lot. Those parents could just drop off their kids and leave. Those parents didn't didn't have an autistic son who didn't fit in with his peers. A son still wearing diapers, who couldn't sit still for story time, who covered his ears during song time, and who stole Goldfish crackers from the other kids when they turned their backs on their snacks. So that son and I went home. 

One of the hardest things about being a special needs parent is realizing all the ways your child is different from other kids his age. Most days, I don't think much about it. He is who he is and we love him. But when we go somewhere and he just doesn't fit, when there isn't a place for him, it's hard not to get upset for him. 

This year, we took both of our boys to Vacation Bible School. Our older son David ran off to join his class. Our younger son James met his teacher and his helper at the door. The teacher had already collected information about James like his dietary restrictions, his favorites things to do, and his tendency to put things in this mouth that aren't food. She welcomed him excitedly and introduced him to his helper. I could drive away just like the other parents, knowing that James would be taken care of and have fun.

James's preschool special needs class had activities on his level. His teacher (who is an occupational therapist) created a sensory room for the kids. His class joined the other preschool class for game time and for some of the singing time. We had special needs kids in the older classes who had full time helpers with them. They were there to help or take the child out if necessary. 

What a difference one year made for my family! We are so thankful for the hard work so many of our church members put in to make sure every child was comfortable and included.

How does your church ministry to families of special needs kids during Vacation Bible School? 

Sandra is a pastor's wife and mom of two boys, in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. She is the author of Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism. You can find out  more on the book's Facebook page, Speechless by Sandra. 

potential special needs diagnoses for our Zoe girl

The diagnoses we're working through for our girl are ASD and PVL.

(No, not Autism Spectrum Disorder... the other ASD: Atrial Septal Defect. And PVL? That's periventricular leukomalacia. Mad props to me for being able to spell that without help this time!)

So what does that mean? Well, in simplest terms, she has small hole-like areas of damage in her brain and a hole in her heart, if her medical records from Taiwan are accurate (and we have no reason to question them at this point). Neither seem to be causing any immediate medical problems, but we may be looking at therapies and surgeries and more specialist appointments to give her the best outcomes possible, and we'll keep y'all posted as we walk that path.

A sweet woman at church on Sunday - a woman who I had seen before but never spoken to in length - oohed and aahed over Zoe. She asked her name, and her county, and the number of days we had been home. Every question was genuine and well-intentioned, if not always tactful.

And then the big question came: And she's healthy?

We've had Zoe for less than a week, but it's been long enough for me to catch on that this sweet woman thought she knew the answer. Zoe is breathtakingly beautiful and loves watching the world around her. People have actually said, "Are you sure she has special needs? She looks too pretty," as if disability and beauty can't coexist. I could have just said, "yes, she's healthy," like she expected, and that answer would have been partially honest, because she is so much healthier now than she was when we met her in the cramped Taiwanese hospital prayer room exact one week ago.

I forced the full truth, as we know it, out instead: "Well, she was a preemie, and MRIs shows areas of brain injury, and her heart might have a defect. We're sorting through all of that."

She kept saying, "WOW," over and over, and then added, "and you took all that on?"

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded.

To us, we're getting Zoe. I guess that means we're taking all that - ASD and PVL and any other alphabet soup that comes our way - on. We do, after all, have a cardiology appointment on the books (August 2) and a neurology one a'coming (update: it's August 2 as well), but that's just the reality of getting to parent our precious baby girl.

Getting to. It's a privilege.

We're not superheroes or martyrs or saviors in doing this. We may have been obedient in responding to God's call for us to adopt, but we are disobedient in a hundred different ways each day. The rough day we had a couple days ago was more the result of our sin than the challenges of transition. Yesterday, I ate the remnants of a bag of Doritos for breakfast and washed it down with a Diet Coke. I've been opting to watch Dawson's Creek on Netflix instead of unpacking, so most of our bags are still piled on the floor of our bedroom. We returned home last Thursday morning, and I've only had two showers - maybe three? - since then. (It's even grosser when you consider that our big kids have had a stomach bug this week, so try not to think about that.) Earlier today, I considered going to Wal-Mart to buy more underwear so that I could put off the laundry for another day. Later today, as I rest in bed with my turn with the stomach bug, I'll be catching up on my trashy TV by watching The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All on Hulu (and still not unpacking).

In other words, we're not perfect. 

We're just riding this wild ride God set us on in parenting our two homegrown kiddos and our one Taiwanese treasure. Thanks for continuing to pray for us.

bought with the precious blood of Christ

If you want to skip the introduction below and just jump to our posts related to Christ, click {here}. Otherwise, read on!

Before I write anything else, know this: We don't share our faith here out of superiority or arrogance or obligation. We share our faith for two reasons:

1. because it defines us and we can't separate our lives, family, reading, anything from our faith and 
2. because we love people - you! - too much to be silent about God. 

While other religions claim a distant god, the faith is in a real God who loves us - and you! - so much that He became a man, lived and loved among us, died as a sacrifice for our sins, and rose again to conquer death and sin.

Yes, sin, but our faith isn't about sin, because a faith focused on that would suck. It's not about sin; it's about Christ who frees us from sin. And I am so thankful for that!

To know what we believe, start {here} with our story, which is truly God's story in our lives.

To check out our blog posts that are particularly Christ-focused, go {here}. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end of our faith and of all things. In Christ alone, our hope is found: it's more than the words of a song; it's the truth.

And watch this. It's worth it.

and the tables have turned so sweetly...

I love the families we serve in Access Ministry at our church. And I love the volunteers that my husband and I get the privilege of leading.

The past week has taught me how much they love us as well.

One of our volunteers picked us up at the airport and then spent many hours with us in the first few days, letting us rest and helping us acclimate to life as a family of five. Another volunteer brought us dinner yesterday... and another will tomorrow... and another in a week. Others have been texting and emailing and Facebooking and tweeting with encouragement. (It feels weird, to be honest, to refer to them as "our volunteers;" they are simply our friends who we happened to meet by serving together.)

Our families have served us in some of the same ways - with one bringing us dinner this Sunday and others filling my inbox with messages cheering us on - and in different ways as well: offering recommendations for specialists, giving us tips on feeding our sweet girl who likes a full belly but doesn't like the act of filling it, and hugging me with a knowing look in their eyes.

At church on Sunday, a group of volunteers and parents were waiting for me in our children's ministry lobby, and I'm not exaggerating to say that it was as joyous as the greeting we received from friends and family at the airport when we returned home.

I'm used to serving.

I'm not as accustomed to being served.

But I am thankful - oh, so thankful - to be on the receiving end.

adoption has affected our biological children.

That was the worry of one of our family members, who often asked, How will Jocelyn and Robbie fare with the arrival of a new child with her own set of needs? The way she asked wasn't expressing nice concern; it was dripping with contempt for the crazy idea she thought we might abandon if only she could get us to think about it a little more.

She was right, at least in part.

Adoption has affected our biological children.

They longed for their sister as they waited in anticipation for her to come home.

They shared in excitement with friends

and learned that our family of loved ones is much bigger than biology and paperwork.

They keep praying without ceasing for God to heal the boo-boos on Zoe's brain so that she can walk and run with them,

and they have planned for what changes we might need to make to include their little sister if God has decided it will be better for her mobility to be limited on earth.

They loved a stranger turned sister from the moment they heard about her, even though she lived in a children's home on the other side of the world.

They ask me to print off pictures of other orphans, so that they can pray for them and their families - if they have them - by name.

 

They've started saving money to give to the ministry that cared for Zoe until we arrived and to give to other families who are adopting.

They tell other people about the beauty of adoption.

They now know about that small island country off the coast of China and cut out shapes of Taiwan "so that Zoe will never forget where she came from."

They make room in their hearts and around our table for a girl who once lacked a family.

They are understanding the gospel in new ways, as our oldest can explain that we adopt because God first adopted us as His children through Christ's sacrifice on the cross.

Yes, adoption has affected our biological children,

and I'm more than okay with that.

~+~

Many thanks to my friends Heather and Vallory who posted the amazing pictures of our homecoming that I've included in this post! And thanks also to Rachel and Dad Dingle and Rebecca for documenting it in pictures and video, as well as to Jenelle for capturing it in words and metaphors... so thankful Zoe will have a sweet record of her enthusiastic welcome, thanks to each of you!