why I'm hopeful about the future

because of this girl

She has her own sense of style. (This was Wacky Wednesday at school, but when I asked her if anyone was dressed in ordinary clothes or if everyone was wacky, she said, "I think I was dressed in ordinary clothes. This outfit is pretty normal for me." And so it is.)

She sang her heart out several dozen times on her little sister's birthday. Who knew the Happy Birthday song could be so spunky?

But most of all, because of this:

Oh, my girl. I am humbled to be your mama.

because of this boy

He loves his dinosaurs. He has declared his intent to marry his friend Hannah when they grow up, purely based on her collection of dinosaurs.

But when Zoe fusses, I often find her like this:

Dinosaurs are his love language, so sharing them is the best way he knows how to express love to her.

Unfortunately, I think she might have fussed more because of her brother's dino friends (some of those spikes are sharp!), but this is what selflessness looks like for a three-year-old boy.

because of this girl

She didn't actually vote, despite what her sticker says (a wee bit too young...), but she's one of our country's newest citizens and she "helped" me fill out my ballot by attempting to grab the pen.

As I wonder what the future holds, I am heartened by these family pictures:

We never thought we'd adopt in 2012, we never thought we'd have a child born to another mother in Taiwan, we never expected another baby to join our family, and we are still learning more every day about cerebral palsy and what her future might be. God surprised us in wonderful ways, and we're glad He's in control.

We can't wait to see what other surprises He has in store.

Now to him who is able 

to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 

according to the power at work within us, 

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, 

forever and ever. 

Amen.

{Ephesians 3:20-21}

three birthdays in one day! {sweet Zoe, our friend Lily, and Morning Light Ministries}

To celebrate Zoe, we're going to The Cupcake Shoppe this evening, and we'll get Zoe something chocolate-y. (We discovered at the NC State Fair that she is willing to reach for anything covered in chocolate, so it seems fitting!) I just checked their menu, and I think it'll be the this one:

Mmm.

To celebrate Lily, we posted this picture on Facebook. Lily is the women's counselor for the crisis pregnancy center that Zoe's original family contacted when she was born, and their shared birthday connected Zoe and Lily in a special way. We love Lily and are so thankful for her!

 The sign says "Happy Birthday!" in Mandarin Chinese.

Love our little ham!

Now on a more serious note, Zoe has a birthday request...

Zoe says, "This is my serious face, yo."

The wonderful team at Morning Light Ministries cared for Zoe in her first eight months of life, and their association officially turns 1 today. (They've been serving for longer than that, just not independently). While they facilitate a handful of adoptions, their primary purpose is to show Christ's love for women and children as a crisis pregnancy center. They care for more than just the baby in the womb; they love these women well with counseling (continuing long after the baby is born for those who choose life and including mothers who have abortions), a women's home, and supports for single parents (like a food pantry, a free childcare center for at-risk little ones, and small groups), as well as ministry through the local church there and abstinence education in schools.

In Taiwan, more babies were aborted last year than born.

Let that sink in for a moment.

More pregnancies ended in abortion than life in Zoe's country in the year she was born. I wrote about the travesty of that in New York City, and it is no less tragic on the other side of the world. The work of Morning Light Ministries is truly the difference between life and death for many babies in Taiwan.

In fact, if the Morning Light team was not serving as they do, our Zoe might not be here to have her first birthday. In honor of Zoe's first birthday, would you consider giving to Morning Light to sustain the work they are doing? You can give two different ways:

1. By mail: Write a check to Central Missionary Clearinghouse, mail it to the following address, and include a note that it is for Morning Light Home (writing it in the memo line is NOT enough): CENTRAL MISSIONARY CLEARINGHOUSE
   P.O. Box 219228 - Houston, Texas 77218-9228
2. Online: Go to http://www.cmcmissions.org/, scroll down, and click on the "Click & Give" graphic. Log in, select "Morning Light Ministry - Luke Pan" from the drop-down list, and give. A small processing fee will be deducted (for example, that fee ranges from $1 to $3.30 for a $100 donation, depending on the method of payment), and the rest of the funds sent to Morning Light. 

If you're not able to give at this time, would you pray for them? 

Thanks!

rambling reflections on the eve of Zoe's first birthday

I want tomorrow's post to be encouraging and happy and celebratory, because it is, after all, our baby girl's first birthday. We're celebrating it as much - if not more - than we did for our oldest two.

It's not the same, though. To be able to write the post I want for tomorrow, though, I need to get all the differences off my chest first.

When Jocelyn turned one, I thought of her due date one year before. She arrived promptly at 40 weeks, though she made me labor for 19 hours that day before I got to meet her. She burst into the scene, yelling at all of us and demanding attention. (In many ways, not much has changed, huh?) She had trouble gaining weight in the beginning, but we got the hang of nursing and she thrived after that. The learning curve was steep, but we cherished those early days with our newborn firstborn.

When Robbie turned one, I thought of our trip to the Marbles kids' museum on a Sunday afternoon a few weeks before his due date. As they closed and we headed toward the exit, contractions started. We walked around downtown with Jocelyn, wanting to let things progress a bit more before we headed to the hospital, but  contractions were coming faster and furiouser (nope, that's not a word. I don't care.) than they had with Jocelyn, so we drove home. As we waited for the Plan C friends to come watch our girl (given that Plan A was in Charlotte and Plan B was at a church program), my water broke. We made it to the hospital with just enough time for the epidural (oh, sweet modern medicine, I love you.), and he literally spiraled out with just one push. He ate and grew like a champ from day one, and his big sister doted on him.

Tomorrow Zoe turns one. A year ago, I was heading to my first post-op physical therapy appointment following my knee surgery. That day I found out that my knee was infected, and we started antibiotics. My blogging that month was sporadic, understandably so due to the surgery, but I posted on both blogs the day Zoe was born: on our family blog, sharing about the infection and including a picture of the chocolate chess pie my Bible study leader brought us with dinner, and on our special needs ministry blog, sharing a hodgepodge of links.

I had no idea that a baby girl who would be our daughter was being born on the other side of the planet. I didn't know that our youngest child was making an early entrance to the world at a teeny 2 pounds and 15 ounces and a petite 14 inches long. While I try to imagine her small frame, I cherish the details we have: that she breathed well on her own, that she maintained her body temperature without assistance, and that the only issue needing immediate attention at birth was jaundice. In other words, our Zoe has been a tiny fighter from the beginning, not letting pesky details - like a premature birth or a heart defect or a brain that wasn't completely formed - get in her way.

As we share these differences in birth stories with our children, we'll be able to tell precious Zoe that she was labored over twice: once by one mother in a birthing center in Taitung and once by her Mommy and Daddy through an altogether different labor of paperwork and court processes.

Oh, how we love our almost one-year-old girl! Zoe bug, we cannot wait to celebrate your first year of life tomorrow.

our funny premarital counseling questionnaire

When Lee and I were engaged, our pastor had each of us fill out a lengthy questionnaire, separate from each other. Then we turned them into the pastor, and he reviewed them to look for matches and mismatches that needed to be addressed in premarital counseling.

Some questions addressed the things you'd expect:
...the number of children we each wanted (we both said 2 or 3 total, and each indicated that at least one would probably be adopted... my, how plans change!),
...the place we planned to live (here in good ol' NC),
...and our plan for managing finances (on which we agreed that Lee focuses on the daily stuff - bills, etc. - and I do the longer term stuff - goal-setting and taxes and so on, which is how it's been).

Others were a bit odd. Like, "If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?"

Lee's response? 

"A structural engineer in Japan."

Because he is already a structural engineer, and he loves his job, and the buildings and bridges are pretty amazing in Japan.

My response? 

"A dog."

Because I like to sleep and play and hang out with loved ones.

Yeah, our pastor didn't know what to do with that one.

Other than laugh with us. (Or was that "at us"?)

yes, we had a jousting ring (and rock climbing wall and moonjump and obstacle course and pool table and bungee run and dunk tank and snowcone machine) at our wedding reception. doesn't everyone?

the past week & a half of blog silence has been brought to you

by tough things like:

migraines and
dizzy spells

probably caused by anemia and
my thyroid being out of whack once again

a doctor's visit and bloodwork, all for me
(finally. I was stubborn and should have gone a couple months ago, in which case the previous items would have been addressed before they got to the point that they got... because, you know, it's not like we've had anything else going on in our lives...)

and by wonderful things like:

starting Zoe's physical and occupational therapy

cuddling with my son

watching my big girl get a writing award on her school's TV morning show

serving at our church's respite night outreach, which was marvelous

setting up another 10 linear feet of bookshelves

celebrating the life of a beautiful friend of mine who turns 25 tomorrow 
(without whom, by the way, respite night and other aspects of our church's special needs ministry would be impossible... and without whom I would have lost my sanity approximately 1.3 million times)

Happy quarter of a century, Mouse!

Not that I am speaking of being in need, 

for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 

I know how to be brought low, 

and I know how to abound. 

In any and every circumstance, 

I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, 

abundance and need. 

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

{Philippians 4:11-13}